when we were young

right before my eyes

And maybe all of that was the reason behind Jean gently kissing the top of your head before resting his own head on top of yours and dozing off himself in that bathroom that day.

He just hoped you didn't feel it and you were in too deep of a sleep to notice it.

As time passed since that day in the bathroom, Jean just felt like he was starting to run out of time with you.

But that made no fucking sense.

You weren't going anywhere anytime soon.

Jean knew you two had nothing but time so why was he so desperate to make you officially his now?

He just hoped you'd feel the same way he did. And he was certain no one could come in his way anymore. Especially Armin.

What a fucking joke Armin was to Jean now. Everything Mikasa and Armin said to him that night to convince Jean to go along with the plan was ridiculous. And it was all before he knew you a little more. Plus the way the pair worded everything made it sound like you and Armin already had something going on and Jean just talking to you once while trying to help with your ODM gear was overstepping a boundary.

And Jean didn't know what you were really like at the time he did everything he did.

And although now he had given you a real apology he meant, he was starting to understand now how he'd never not feel bad for doing all of that. He couldn't really believe you had even accept his apology even after everything. Especially after the Floch table attempt.

Even after finding out you kissed Armin, Jean couldn't find it in himself to care too much. He couldn't, it just wasn't worth it.

But that doesn't mean he wasn't deeply jealous of Armin and wanted to beat the living shit out of him. Especially when Jean put the puzzle pieces together that Armin kissed you immediately after you, Jean, and Floch's table encounter.

He remembers the night Armin came running in the bunks drenched in rain and how he couldn't shut the fuck up the entire night about kissing you. How apparently the two of you made out and how Armin never wanted to stop.

The worst thing Armin couldn't stop blabbing about? It was how he'd describe your lips. How soft and nice they felt. It drove Jean fucking crazy that Armin got to experience that before he did.

But Armin just talked about you like you were some trophy and he wouldn't stop parading you around unless everyone knew. Armin talked about it so much that night to the other guys that Jean was convinced Armin was more obsessed with the idea that he got to you first rather than just liking you for you.

Fine, you kissed Armin. It happened. 

Armin was the first person here you'd kissed. But that didn't matter to Jean. Why would it? It was such a stupid thing to be proud of.

Whatever your firsts may have been didn't matter Jean, even beyond kisses with Armin.

What mattered to Jean was that he would be your lasts.

You and Armin didn't belong together and he was certain you even knew that yourself.

If you didn't know that then, he was certain you knew that from Armin's treatment of you after the fight with Annie.