So many colours in my life

27. Vivid yellow of wonder

When Wei Wuxian finally made it almost to the front door to his room, he heard voices. And he knew those voices he realized the next second. There was Jiang Yanli talking with Lan Zhan.

"It harms his body and his temperament. Sword techniques are the most decent. Talismans and spells should only be used as assisting techniques, not as a way of cultivation."

The Second Jade was saying and Wei Wuxian immediately knew what they were talking about. Discussing him behind his back? So much for the rigid rules of the Gusu Lan sect. Was Lan Zhan not supposed to not gossip and instead tell him everything he thought about him while looking him in the eyes?

Without even fully understanding why, Wei Wuxian was suddenly thrown into an angry fit. Why was Lan Zhan doing this? Did he hate him so much that he was about to turn also Jiang Yanli against him? Was he about to tell her everything about his demonic cultivation and about what he had done back in Yiling?

The anger now mixed with fear. Horror even as Wei Wuxian was afraid what his sister would do after knowing the full truth. He had still not told her everything. And she had not pushed him to do so. Was Lan Zhan just about to reveal what Wei Wuxian had been hiding?

He had not thought about his fear for a long while now. Especially since he had literally no time to do so because of being busy with the war. And Jiang Yanli had also not pushed him into answering any questions which helped him to forget this whole possible discovery thing. What would his sister do should she learn what a monster he had become?

This was no good! The anger grew into rage in a matter of a single heartbeat. If Lan Zhan wanted to play by these rules, two could apply them.

Wei Wuxian stepped around the last corner, his expression glacial: "Lan Zhan, what are you telling my Shijie about?"

Lan Zhan had at least enough decency to look slightly startled and uncomfortable. Or was Wei Wuxian imagining it? It did not matter though; the important thing was that he had managed to interrupt their conversation. Luckily in time, but he had no way of checking for sure.

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan looked like he wanted to say something more but hesitated.

Wei Wuxian did not want to listen to him. Just a little while back, he had told Jiang Cheng that there was nothing to speak of between him and the Second Jade. He had meant it back then. He was trying hard to convince himself of this fact. It hurt too much otherwise.

He smiled even more distantly and warned the other, deliberately using his title so he would not be overwhelmed by his conflicting feelings. "Second Young Master Lan, I told you before. You should keep away from the Yunmeng Jiang sect business. It is not proper to pry this much."

Lan Zhan did not say anything back, he only kept looking at him with those unreadable eyes. Wei Wuxian stared right back at him, unwilling to be the one to give in first.

This could have probably gone on for a long time if it was not for Jiang Yanli. She turned towards him and tried to defend Lan Zhan: "A-Xian, Second Young Master Lan was just..."

She never got to finish her sentence. Lan Zhan apparently took the clue and was on his way out of the corridor before she even stopped talking. That was good as well, Wei Wuxian had no energy to deal with him.

Well, that was not entirely true, if he had to admit that to himself. Deep down, he knew. He was still just running away. It was not that he did not want to talk to Lan Zhan. It was only because he was afraid of his own conflicting feelings. He was scared of facing them.

Jiang Yanli seemed pretty confused by his behaviour as well and could not keep herself from asking: "A-Xian, what is wrong? Why are you so angry? I was just worried about you so I asked Second Young Master Lan for advice."

The 'because you would not tell me anything yourself' was left unsaid. However, Wei Wuxian could clearly hear it from the tone of her voice.

There was a pang of guilt in his guts. It was him who should have told his Shijie everything to put her mind at ease. That way, she would not have had to go seek advice from Lan Zhan. Wei Wuxian had already known fully well that she had been worried about him. This only served as another harsh wake-up call.

He took a deep breath to calm himself down. His stomach was still knotted with fear. What had Lan Zhan actually told his sister? Would she now also start hating him because of his choice of cultivation?

He pointedly did not look at her. He could simply not face her at this point in time. With his voice a lot softer and carefully calmer, he asked just to make sure: "Shijie, what did Lan Zhan tell you? Did he tell you about the Yiling supervisory office?"

Now that the Second Jade was not here anymore, there was no more reason to keep to the title. Lan Zhan was still Lan Zhan, even if all feelings he had for Wei Wuxian were hatred and disgust because of him being a demonic cultivator.

He only looked at her when she shook her head: "He told me nothing of the sort."

Something inside of Wei Wuxian started swirling around like crazy. As if he was water in the bathtub and there was a hole in it to let him out. All his previous anger and fear had disappeared las if by magic. All that was left was awe.

He could not describe this feeling like anything else. Even though Lan Zhan had had the opportunity to tell Jiang Yanli everything, he had not done so. He had kept all the secrets related to demonic cultivation to himself. Probably just being a goody-two-shoes and trying to answer his Shijie's questions.

But the sense of wonder was not coming solely from this realization. There was also another important part to it.

It was only now that Wei Wuxian actually acknowledged that someone aside for his own family could be worried about him for real.

Or at least he thought so. Lan Xichen had been approaching him frequently these past few days, trying to pry his secrets out of him and offer him help. Now that Wei Wuxian was thinking about it, he had done so pretty gently and with a great amount of consideration. It had been just that he could not see it.

Refused to see it was more like it.

And now even Lan Zhan was worrying about him? Suddenly, there was no other explanation in Wei Wuxian's mind for the Second Jade's presence near his own rooms. The Gusu Lan sect's quarters were assigned exactly on the other side of the Unclean Realm.

Unless Lan Zhan came here with a specific purpose in mind, his steps should not have led him to the Yunmeng Jiang sect sector.

So, could it actually be that Lan Zhan had in reality come to see him? Was that even possible? Was Wei Wuxian not imagining things? Was his mind not playing tricks on him out of sheer desperation?

He did not know what to believe anymore. Everything was just so tangled and complicated for his tired mind. The only way would be to run after Lan Zhan and ask him in person.

If there was only the slightest possibility that Lan Zhan was worried about him, Wei Wuxian would take it. It would be way better than just plain hatred. It could perhaps even make Wei Wuxian happy.

Without saying another word to his sister, Wei Wuxian immediately run towards the direction where the back of the Second Jade had disappeared in.

"Lan Zhan!" he called after him.

Then, the most wonderful thing happened. Lan Zhan stopped and turned around.