Night Shifts | Billie Eilish

Chapter Four

SAFELY, SOUNDLY

Billie didn't say anything as I drove to Taco Bell. It made me worry a little bit, but I didn't pry, knowing she's very fragile, especially in her current state. I pulled up to the drive-thru, and there were a few cars in front of us before we got to the speaker, so I turned to Billie.

"You don't have to use your voice if you don't want to. But is there some way you could tell me or show me what you like to eat from here? I'm a bit weird with my choices, so I don't trust myself to get something for you," I asked her.

She looked at me and glanced around the car and outside. She soon spotted my phone in the cup holder and pointed at it. "Oh, yep, perfect. Here," I said, picking it up and unlocking it for her. She opened up my notes app and created a new one.

sory m not taking. hrd 2 ecsplane. bilie lkes beritos wf no thin but beens.

She showed me shyly, turning the phone to face me.

"Just plain burritos, just with refried beans?" I asked, paying no attention to the way she was typing or the spelling. She nodded. "How many do you like?" I asked, and she held up four fingers. "Easy done," I smiled at her.

"You don't have to explain anything to me if you don't want to. It doesn't bother me. But I'm always here to listen and help if I can, and I'd be honored to know more about you," I said as I drove up to the speaker.

I ordered my tacos and Billie's burrito and went to the first window to pay. As we waited for the food at the next window, the girl started typing again.

thnk yuo 4 paying monee n beeng nise to bilie

She showed me, spreading a small smile across my lips. "All good, sweetie."

She put my phone down as the bag of food was held out of the window. I grabbed it and held it to Billie. "Would you be able to hold it while I go park somewhere?" I asked. She took it gently and slowly placed it into her lap.

I thanked the worker and drove through to the other side of the building, doing a U-turn and coming back to the car park where we started. I stopped the car and turned it off, taking the bag from Billie and putting it between us over the handbrake.

"Here are your four burritos, madam," I said, handing them to her in a silly voice. She giggled quietly, taking them. I pulled out my tacos and opened them up in my lap. Before I could put a taco to my lips, I saw my phone being shown to me in the corner of my eye.I looked over at it.

plees domt look at bilie wile she eeting. 

"Okay, I promise I won't," I said, nodding and looking back at my food.

We ate in comfortable silence, the only noises being my crunching and the wrappers crinkling. I kept having to look in the rearview mirror for the sour cream that kept spreading across my cheeks, which I could hear amused Billie.

Once I was done, I bundled up my wrappers, put them back in the bag, and wiped my hands and mouth with a napkin. I sat quietly until a finger gently tapped my shoulder. I looked over to see that the teen was showing me her empty wrapper.

"All done? Good girl, I'm proud of you," I said, then realized how much it sounded like I was talking to her as if she were a small child. I shook it off since she wasn't bothered and packed up the trash.

"Do you want to just go for a drive around now?" I asked, earning a small nod of agreement from Billie. I put the trash in the backseat and started up the car again. "Do you want to go look at the moon on the water? It would be super pretty tonight," I asked the girl.

She shrugged a bit but nodded.

I wanted to put off thinking about where I was going to take her tonight because that was a very complicated decision that I would have to make. I made my way to the coast, but since Billie wasn't talking anymore, I played some music quietly so it wouldn't be so silent.

By the time I parked in front of the Santa Monica Pier for a good view of the reflection, Billie had fallen asleep against the window. "Here w-" I cut myself off quickly and shut up so I wouldn't wake her when I saw her.

I relaxed into my seat and smiled softly at the sight, like I always do back in the hospital. She always looks so peaceful, and as usual, her thumb was stuck between her lips. I honestly think it's cute, but I have a feeling she's not going to be the happiest when she wakes and realizes she was doing it in front of me, since I don't think she knows I see it at work.

I pushed my chair back away from the steering wheel and pulled my legs up to my chest. I looked back over to the teen curiously again, trying to decipher what was going on in her head when she went mute.

Was it because she felt like she couldn't talk, or she didn't want to talk?

I had seen a patient a few months back doing what Billie's doing. She was transgender and selectively mute because she didn't want people she wasn't comfortable around to hear how deep her voice was.

I'm not implying Billie's trans, but maybe she wasn't talking because she didn't want me to hear how it sounded. The only thing I can think of that could be altering the way her voice sounds is age regression.

It only hit me that everything she had been doing not only tonight but at other times too fit that answer, especially what was happening just before. My eyes widened at the thought, looking at the precious girl sucking her thumb.

I mentally facepalmed myself for being so ignorant and clueless. It was a no-brainer that my inner caregiver kept slipping out.

1034 words.