Petal [h.s.]

THIRTY-FIVE - HEART RECOGNIZES YOURS

I knew it was what she needed to hear. She was strong. I could see that from the moment I laid eyes on her. She was hard and detached from her emotions when we first got into this room. When I first touched her gently, she looked confused by it. It took a couple of hours before she was relaxed and had started to become soft with me, too. The connection between us helped. We felt like we've known each other for our entire lives. Or at least... it felt that way for me.

I cupped her face in my hands firmly, watching the tears spill over as she looked at me, "It's okay. It's okay."

I pulled her shaking body against me, I pulled her right to my chest and let her bury her face in my neck. I let her soak my skin with her tears and I held on tight. I would sit there like a stone as long as she needed me to. I'd let her cry all night if she wanted. I came here for empty, anonymous sex and I found a connection deeper than I ever thought was possible. If we didn't touch again other than this, that would be okay with me.

As heartbroken as I was for her, I was equally angry that a grown man could hurt a child in such a brutal and violent way. I had only just come to know what abuse was like and I still couldn't even admit out loud that that's what my father was doing to me. I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to take her pain away. But I had nothing to give her except my arms.

I let her cry and she did. She cried like she had never cried over this before and part of me thought that maybe she hadn't. Maybe she was so used to being strong that she never let herself break open. She never let herself be that little girl who put her trust into an adult who turned around and hurt her. She needed this, she needed someone else to care for her the way she cared for her sister. She needed to be held.

"You're the best big sister in the world. She's lucky to have you. You know that, right? You protected her. You saved her." I whispered to her, pressing my lips against her shoulder gently.

She wiped her wet cheeks against my bare chest, looking up at my face with a frown as she shook her head.

"I saved her, but I ruined myself."

"You're not ruined." I responded immediately.

"You don't know that. You don't know me. I could be a crazy person. I could be making all of this up. You don't know." She replied, shaking her head in protest.

"I know you're not ruined." I said to her sternly, raising my eyebrows.

"You don't, you don't, you have no idea!" She began to breathe quicker, looking a little panicked and teary eyed as she did.

I grabbed her hand and I lifted it to my chest. I held it against my skin and let her feel my heart. I stared at her, my eyes stern, watching her in silence as she focused on the rhythmic beating under my chest. She shut her eyes and breathed out a long sigh, her throat working as she swallowed.

"Can you feel that?" I whispered to her, watching her eyes flutter open to look up at me, "Can you feel my heart?"

"Mmm." She nodded, moving closer to me, curling her fingers into the skin of my chest.

Maybe it was just infatuation. Maybe it was just a crush. Maybe we were two vulnerable, lost souls who were in desperate need of a connection. Maybe I was simply insane for feeling this way. Or maybe it was fate. Maybe we were meant to have this night together.

I didn't know which it was, but I wasn't going to question it any longer. If I only had one night with this girl, I was going to learn everything I could about her. I was going to take in everything she told me. I was going to be a rock for her if she needed one. Or a safe place to hide if she needed that. If I only got one night with her, I was going to be honest and open and vulnerable with her.