The Science of Growing Apart

28- Video Evidence

"I don't think my pictures are embarrassing, Casey," I told him, still laughing a little bit. "I'm just not going to show them to you."

"Why not?"

I finished off my one beer and decided I shouldn't drink any more than that. It felt like a recipe for disaster. "They're secret," I said. "Let me drive you home."

"We used to not have secrets," he said as he paid the tab.

I didn't respond to him, just got off my stool to help him to his feet. He didn't seem that drunk, but he did waddle a little bit on our way out of the bar and toward my car. Once inside, I started playing music from my phone and then started backing out of the parking lot.

"I want to pick a song," Casey said, grabbing my phone as he started scrolling Spotify. At a stop light, I could see him add something to the queue but then as the light turned green, the evil son of a bitch exited out of my Spotify app and into my gallery.

"Casey, put the phone down."

"We don't have secrets, Josie," he repeated stubbornly as he found the photo shoot photos and started swiping through them. Most of them were silly as I failed the sexy poses, and I could hear him giggle to himself as he moved through them.

He was quiet on the ones that I thought turned out the best, the actual sexy ones where I had my butt sticking out, my legs stretched over the ottoman, one knee up as the skirt rode up my thighs, my shoulders pressed forward to show off my cleavage, and a little hint of a smile on my face, like I knew a secret that you didn't. I didn't know what his quiet meant, but it was nerve wracking.

"Whoa, whoa, is this the secret you were trying to hide?" he asked with a bright laugh and I glanced over to see that he found the pictures of me posing jokingly with my vibrator. Okay, so I guess I was embarrassed about some of the pictures.

"It was a dumb joke," I admitted, just a little bit embarrassed. "It was a lot funnier when my blood was mostly Fireball."

We both started to laugh at the cringy photos until he got to the last ones, where there was a video. I didn't remember recording a video, but I could see myself on the screen, so it was Natalie who recorded it.

"What's this?" he asked with amusement as he pushed play.

"You don't think-" the second I heard Natalie's voice on the video, I realized what was happening and the immediate rush of dread that hit me caused slam on the breaks in the middle of the empty road. "about Casey when you're using that thing, do you?"

I reached for the phone, but Casey pulled it away from me. Desperate to get the phone out of his grip, I turned my hazard lights on, put the car in park, and lunged across the car. He was too fast, pausing the video before he quickly opened the car door and escaped onto the road.

"Casey, give me the phone," I demanded as I followed him out of the car and into the grass. We were parked in front of a church with a large lawn between us and the building.

He was grinning at me in the blinking light of my orange hazards and I don't think he could tell how near death I was from this level of embarrassment. "That's not going to happen, Josie," he taunted me.

I lunged for the phone again as he pressed play, stretching his arm way above his head so that he could still see the screen, but it was too far out of my reach.

I could still see the screen of the phone, it went blurry and then black as Natalie put the phone down on the table, clearly unaware that it was recording. I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die. There was no way that this was actually happening to me right now.

"Casey, stop, give it back," I pleaded with him again, trying to jump to get the phone, but to no avail. He was a lot taller than me and didn't even struggle to keep the phone away. On the video, I said "No" but it was very unconvincing.

"Why do you even try to lie to me when you know it won't work? You dirty, dirty pervert." Natalie asked and I wondered if I'd ever been this embarrassed in my life before. My entire face burned so hot that it was painful, but there was nothing I could do.

Casey was quiet as the video continued to play and I told Natalie, "I can't control what I think about. His sweaty body just pops into my head, it's not my fault! And sometimes he's wearing his lab coat."

I've been in some pretty humiliating situations. That just came with the territory of being a bumbling idiot, and the feeling never really bothered me so much. But this? This was a whole new level of humiliation that I don't think anybody has ever experienced before. Scientists should study this moment to test the bounds of embarrassment that the human brain could take. I was sure testing that limit.

"Disgusting," Natalie said, laughing.

"If you'd seen what I saw, you'd understand. Oh, shut up." I responded in the video as I gave up in retrieving the phone and retreated to the car, leaning against the roof with my face buried deep in my arms. Maybe I could suffocate myself because that sure would be less painful than what was happening.

The video stopped soon after that when Natalie started taking pictures again, but Casey remained quiet just a few feet behind me. Then, I felt the car nudge a little bit as he leaned against the door beside me and quietly asked, "My lab coat?"

"Shut up shut up shut up," I said quickly from under my arms. "I'm dying."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said, but he was laughing and didn't sound very sorry at all. "Don't be embarrassed."

"How could I possibly not be embarrassed?" My words were muffled and quiet.

Slowly, Casey pulled my arms away from my face until they dropped to my sides and my red cheeks were still bright hot and on display now. Then, he nudged my shoulder so that I'd turn to face him, but I still wouldn't look at him.

"Josie," he said my name slowly, gentle like he was coaxing a scared baby fox out of its hiding place. When I still didn't look at him, he lifted his fingers to my jaw, gently pulling my face in his direction until our eyes were locked. He wasn't laughing anymore and my throat was going dry. "Everything you felt, I felt it too. I'm sure every thought you've ever had about me, I've thought it about you."

My heart was going to beat out of my chest and for a hot moment, I thought he was going to kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me more than anything I've ever wanted in my entire life. He was drunk and I wouldn't let it happen even if he tried, but I wanted it so much that it hurt.

Slowly, he ran the soft pad of his thumb over my bottom lip and then said, "I want to. So bad. I just feel like it'd be kind of disrespectful, you know? To both you and Rebecca."

I didn't give a shit about respect. I could just feel his hand on my jawline, his thumb on my mouth, his eyes looking at me like that, his confession of the thoughts he's had. It was all I've ever wanted, and I almost had it all right there against my car.

"I know," I whispered to him, feeling so close to the thing I've dreamed about having for a decade, but also so far away. "You've been drinking anyway."

"That's not why I want to," he objected. "I want to because I want to, not because of the whiskey."

I wasn't willing to discuss it further, so I ripped myself away from his touch and returned to the driver seat of the car, waiting for him to get in so I could get this humiliating night over with.