Being His Grandmother

Accidents happen.

I begin SPR and it doesn't seem work I have no other choice but to do mouth to mouth.

I open her mouth and her dentures come lose. I pull my face up in disgust as I remove it from her mouth and start blowing some air into her mouth not touching of course,but it's not working.

"She's dead." I sigh and get up.

Well she was old! She lived her life.

I leave her there before I start running for my life.

I cannot go to prison! There is no Wifi.

I hear the police come and I stop dead in my tracks with my hands on my head.

"I surrender! I repeat I surrender! I am a women who is a citizen here! I mean no harm but I did kill that old women! By accident.B.T.W." I yell at the top of my voice and people walking by are looking at me like I'm some crazy women. Who on earth do they think they are.

I see a really attractive cop come by and try my seductive skills that I have mastered. I will admit I was damn good.

"Hello there." I whisper in a seductive way but careful to cover my mouth,I didn't want to kill him with my stink breath.

"Have you eaten your donuts already? Because I have one for you that's covered in frost and some other crap that bakers add! But I promise it will be good." I put my leg out in attempt to hit it.

Oops I pulled a muscle.

"Oh the pain!" I moan in agony and he raises an eyebrow.

"The torture!" I am on the floor by now and he begins to shake his head before waking away.

"I see the light! It's getting nearer...I feel cold." I whisper and no one comes to help me except some little kid.

"That's because there's a street light right above you and the weather is really cold today." He says like I'm some stupid person.

"Shut up and help me up you little squid,you ruined my dramatic moment." I say through gritted teeth.

"How much will you give me?" He asks.

The little devil wants money? Do I look like I'm made of money?

"Hundred bucks!" I tell him with a smile and he shrugs before helping me up.

I take out a piece of paper and pen and neatly write 'Hundred Bucks' before handing it over to him.

"This isn't money." He whines and I slap him on the head.

"I'm poor! Live with it kid." I say before leaving.

"I'm going to tell my mommy that you hit me." He begins to cry.

"Go tell her! You need some discipline." I say before running away.

I bump into some people and they grab my hand and start running in the opposite direction that I just came from.

"There's an old lady who survived from drowning." says the women who has my hand.

Oh No!

"Lucky lady." I laugh nervously.

We reach the lake and I see the ambulance and people hovering her body.

"Ma'am can you tell us what happened?" The man asks and I push my way through the crowd.

"I got push-" before she could finish her sentence I jumped in quickly.

"Oh grandmami!" I put on a French accent.

"You're Alive! Merci" I look at them and they all look confused.

The women's eyes widened as I went over to hug her.

"You push-" I cut her off again by hugging her and the paramedic comes over with a needle in his hand.

"What did she say?" He asks and I give a sympathetic look.

"Grandmami in lot of pain." I say and he immediately gives her a shot which knocks her out.

I fake cry and people try and comfort me.

"I go home now." I say and they nod in symphony.

I walk away with no dignity but a hobo and a criminal. A grandmother murderer,a bread thieve which I stole from ducks and I assaulted a child.

How I'm handing life right now? Slap me! with a brick.

I took 'Grandmamas' handbag with me and I hear her phone ring.As I reach for it my jaw drops.

The latest iPhone!

I read the caller ID:Gummy Bear before answering.

"Hello."

"Grandma?" I hear a husky masculine voice speak from the other line.

"No,sorry shes dead.Can I take a message?"

"What? who is this?" he questions with anxiety.

"This is hobo and who is this?"

He doesn't answer as I hear his breathing increase.

"Where is my grandmother?" he asks through gritted teeth.

"Look dude! she's dead,we live and then we die,it's part of life!"