Across From Me

Thirty Three

Clementine's own breathing was ragged, "I just-"

Beth continued, not allowing Clementine time to speak, "I was back to middle school. I was back to me in 8th grade, always alone, and having to deal with the consequences of that. Eventually, I grew used to it, until you. And for a brief moment in time, I believed that you were true and honest. But maybe in some other way, I was wrong," Beth paused and sighed, "In a time when I needed you, I was alone. Back to a time when I had to deal with everything myself because I knew damn well no one else was going to help me."

Clementine was rendered speechless only staring at the shining eyes of Beth in front of her.

"So please forgive my bitterness," Beth said in a cold tone, "Because maybe a sick part of me wants to make you hurt as I did. And another part of me still loves you," Beth's eyes finally broke from staring at Clementine, and this time she was silent, "I did love you. I'm not sure just as a friend either."

"You did?" Clementine echoed, "You did love me?" The emphasis on the word did, combined with her breathing made Beth nervous.

"Maybe at some point. I don't know where it began. Perhaps it was because I wasn't used to being alone. But every part of me wanted to love and protect you. I just wanted to see you every day," Beth explained, in a sort of awkward manner as she wasn't the best at this, "But ever since you left me behind, in a strange, combined sort of way, the hate and love I feel with you are doubly strong and fighting with each other."

"You loved me," Clementine breathed, putting her hand on her forehead, "Fuck..."

Truth be told, Beth wasn't even sure why she admitted that. But the nagging part of Beth told her it was because she wasn't going to go back to Clementine. That this was the last goodbye. That this was the last thing she would get out before saying bye to her. Goodbye to her friendship with Clementine. And it would be painful seeing her in class, hanging around and laughing with new people while Beth would most likely be on her own again. But at least she would know, and Clementine wouldn't have to associate with her anymore.

"I loved you too," Clementine whispered, "I still do. Maybe it was because I was afraid. But the main reason I stopped speaking with you was that I didn't want you to be dragged down with me. I felt like a burden to you and I never considered your feelings on anything. I made a decision and never once thought of you. And because of that, I'm so sorry. Every time I saw you, was around you or heard your name my heart hurt because I missed you. But I still love every part of you. Being around you makes me happy."

Clementine poured her heart about, and it made Beth's own skip a beat.

But.

Beth's arms wrapped around herself, "Clementine," She began.

Clementine was only getting started, "It took me way too damn long, but I want to make it work with you. I don't want to be afraid anymore. Of anyone in any way. You help me feel proud of myself,"

"Clementine..."

"All I want is for you to forgive me. I want to prove to you I'm not going to leave you behind. I just want-"

"Clementine!" Beth shouted, finally getting the attention of the other girl, "Stop, please," With those words, Clementine fell silent, "I'm sorry, Clem."

With nothing else left to say, Beth got up, feeling her knees crack from being bent in an odd position for so long. Beth's grip on her book was tight, much like the feeling in her chest was. Beth didn't want to cry, and her legs shook from the effort, just trying to pick herself up and walk away. Clementine was still processing what just happened. Finally, getting up herself and chasing after Beth.

"What do you mean?!" Clementine called, voice frantic, "But you just told me-"

Beth tried to step around Clementine, but Clementine continued to get in her way. Confusion and hurt set deep into the lines of her face, it was almost physically painful to walk away. But Beth couldn't stay and pretend like she was fine. Everything hurts. She desperately wanted to cry, but she wasn't weak. She wouldn't cry. Not in front of Clementine.

Clementine grabbed her shoulders, "I don't understand!" She cried, "You just told me you loved me and now you're walking away?" Her voice cracked and Beth could tell she herself was close to tears.

It made Beth's next actions no easier.

Beth pushed Clementine's hands that were placed on her shoulder off of her, "I can't be with you right now," She tried to explain, but her voice was tight, rigid, "I can't pretend everything is fine."

"But- but I'm trying to tell you that-"

Beth couldn't take it anymore, "I can't love you and hate you at the same time!" Beth shouted, hands gripping loosely on Clementine's wrist, "I don't want to look at you and feel pain in my heart along with warmth," Beth couldn't control her tears, "I don't want to be like my mom and dad. I don't want to hate you." Beth weakly wiped at her tears, Clementine watched mutely. She was crying too.

"Beth I'm sorry."

"Stop being sorry," Beth almost smiled, and then she sniffed, "All I want is time. Time to love you again. Time to deal with my life," Clementine watched as Beth took in even breaths of air, "I'm not telling you I want you gone. I'm telling you that I can't love you right now. I need time to love life again before I love you. Right now I can't do both. Right now I need to care for myself."

"But what about you saying you needed me?" Clementine asked in a weak tone.

Beth's hand gently went to Clementine's cheek, upon which Clementine leaned into the touch, "I don't want you gone. I want space. I want time," Clementine nodded, "Time to forgive and learn to love again. Okay?"

"Okay."

Beth let her hand fall. Clementine, with her face streaked with tears, moved aside so Beth could walk away. Maybe for the first time in either of their lives, with a hollow, empty feeling in their stomachs, they were okay with walking away. They believed in time, in healing, for the first time in their lives at that moment. With enough effort, both of them could grow, could learn to love once more in a world that only seemed to reject them.

Their love didn't need to be complicated. Didn't need to depend on hugs and kisses, whispering sweet words into each other's ears at night. What they found in each other from the day they met would forever lay out their life paths. Even if now was strange, even if it hurt for the both of them, they would continue forward. Maybe one day find each other again and be able to lay in each other's arms. To one day not care about the judgment of others.

Their love didn't need to be complicated. Didn't need to be scrutinized under a magnifying glass. Didn't need to be labeled. Simply they were who they were. Elizabeth was Elizabeth, Clementine was Clementine. And they knew whether those feelings they felt were romantic or not, they loved each other and would protect each other.

The world could not tell them otherwise, anymore.