To, All The Boys I've Loved Before

҂ ࣪˖ Chapter 1

Sitting on the stands in the soccer field, I looked up at the bright blue sky, sun shining but its rays felt comforting unlike the other days when it felt as if these rays were burning my skin. The weather was perfect just like it should be on a beautiful spring day. I love spring.

I took a deep breath, inhaling slowly, a smile appearing on my face as the sweet smell of flowers made their way to my nostrils; flowers, beautiful, colourful, lovely wild violets, growing beneath the bleachers. Eyes closed I was just lost in this warm feeling.

After a long time I left my house, being an antisocial person, I didn't bother to spend my holidays wandering in the city with my friends, enjoying myself. Instead I stayed back at home, for a whole one and a half month doing nothing but reading books, completing the impending Netflix shows and most importantly moving on from my recent crush.

"Hey Y/N" called out the voice which I didn't want to hear, at least not now. "Hi Doyoung" I greeted him shyly. He was with his friends, probably walking back home, when he spotted me sitting on the stands, alone. "I am heading home, wanna join?" Oh that sweet gummy smile he flashed, it took me all my strength and energy to decline his offer. I wanted to go with him, 'but no y/n you need to get a hold of your feelings' "I will be here for a few more minutes, next time probably." My heart clenched seeing his smile disappear, I should have agreed, damnit y/n you are such a fool! "See you around then. Take care." And he left.

I heaved a sigh and slumped in my seat, my heart still racing, the effect this boy had on me, I literally hate it now. Why do I become so dumb and weak in front of him? When will I get over him? I wish I knew the answers to these questions but I knew what I have to do once I return back home, write a postscript in Doyoung's letter, about how healing and cute his gummy smile is, a smile which can soften anyone's heart.

Are you wondering if I still write letters in the modern world of text messages and social media? Well technically yes, I write letters when I develop feelings, so intense that I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Just the fact I don't deliver them. Yes, I store them with me, in a teal coloured metal box. They are my secret possessions, no one apart from me knows about them, and no one should even know.

There are nine in total, nine boys whom I have crushed upon till date. Want to know about my crushes? Let's get in.

Moon Taeil, my senior in college. He was in his last year of college when I was in my freshman's year. We first met during the school's annual function, we were in the same musical drama, sounds weird right? Me and music? Well I was in the choir, playing the guitar. He had that childlike personality which made me fall for him. His cute looks and the way he always cheered everyone saying "let's get it!". His voice, oh my god, I still wonder how come he hit those high notes. There was no way I could not love him.

Next is Johnny, he is the son of my mother's friend. I met him last year at a party, the party my mother dragged me to. It was his parents' wedding anniversary and they held a small party or better get together. He is the funniest I have ever met, how effortlessly he made people laugh around him kind of surprised me. We met for the first time but it felt like we had known each other since forever.

My third crush was Nakamoto Yuta, the captain of our college's soccer team. Our first meeting was kind of embarrassing, at least for me. I was sitting near the soccer field completing a few notes, when a football came flying towards me, it wouldn't have been that embarrassing if I hadn't looked up when I thought the boys were calling me and the ball wouldn't have hit right across my face, causing a nosebleed. Even though he didn't kick the ball he apologised to me constantly and even accompanied me to the nurse's room. After days of that incident he constantly checked upon me, flashing his contagious smile every time he saw me. It was the first time someone cared for me like that.

When I was in the last year of high school I volunteered for a three day charity event where I met Lee Donghyuck or what people called him, Haechan. We didn't start off on good terms because I thought he was there just to have fun and not for volunteering, but soon his true, caring and compassionate side showed up. Every moment we spent together, he made it memorable. He was the life of everything. The happy virus who only knew how to spread happiness. After the volunteering work we met up regularly and soon started dating, I knew it wasn't serious though and it ended when we both started college and remained just as good friends.

I met Mark at a summer camp in my first year of high school. I was reluctant to attend this camp but all my friends forced me to attend it and I will never regret that cause of Mark. His camp was next to mine, and there I saw him for the first time, those sparkly eyes, god I didn't believe in love at first sight before meeting me. It's weird how two introverts became so close within a few hours. When he played guitar for the first time, I knew it was love. God, I loved him so much but before I could confess I had to return back home as my mother fell ill and my feelings were left unspoken.

Jeong Jaehyun, my first love, we were together from elementary school till the last year of middle school, when he moved to the USA due to his father's transfer. We were best friends, and we both loved each other. We never said "I love you" to each other but you don't always have to speak to express your feelings. Our love was innocent and pure. Not going to lie but I still miss him sometimes. He was the first boy I wrote a letter to and probably the reason why I started writing these letters.

In my sophomore year I became friends with Lee Taeyong, one of the most popular boys in our year. Every girl had once crushed on him, be it a senior or junior. I mean he is the definition of perfection, a perfect boy who is not only good looking but has the softest heart ever. Sometimes I can't help but worry about him because even if someone hurts him he doesn't retaliate, he always blames himself. He is now my best friend and seatmate. I started liking him after he became my friend but soon buried those feelings somewhere when I got to know that he has a girlfriend. It didn't hurt that much to be honest.

Kim Jungwoo, the barista at a coffee shop in our neighbourhood. I worked in that cafe last year to collect money for the new iMac which I needed desperately. When I first met him, he was so eager to become friends with me saying "we are working together, we should be good friends so we serve the customers happily." His whole aura was so lively and cheerful which made me forget all my worries at an instant. His stupid yet cute actions never failed to leave me in a fit of laughter. I wish I could spend more time with him.

Lastly, my most recent crush, Kim Doyoung, my neighbor. He moved in with his family when I was in the first year of high school. We were in the same school and grade, and usually walked to and back from the school together. We became good friends and when he enrolled in the same college as me I was happy, as I won't be completely alone. It was not until last year I realised my feelings for him. And a few days ago when I thought of confessing to him, I saw him kissing my friend in the hallway.

I just got out of shower after returning home, and decided to end Doyoung's letter with the last postscript. I climbed my desk chair to reach the top of the cupboard where the letters were kept. I stretched out my hand but all I felt was empty air. "Where is the box?"