SPELLBOUND (ONC2022)

Chapter 6- Knowledge is Naught but a Curse in Disguise

Penny

Allura has grown silent.

"What did you do?" I ask, hopefully prompting her to continue.

She pauses, opting instead to admire the night's muted beauty for a second longer. After a moment, she lets out a shaky exhale, turning to me, eyes glistening with imminent tears.

"Eithne, I beg you to reconsider. Once you know the truth, I can not stop Fate from unraveling an uncertain future for you. Perhaps if you remain unknowing, they will take pity on you, and--"

I shake my head, near tears myself because I deserve to know why I almost died. I understand it pains her to tell me the truth, but I can't go on living like I'm someone I'm not. She will never understand because she holds all the power in her hands, with a wave of her hand she can alter the course of my very life. I, on the other hand, am at her and the queen's mercy.

Holding the truth behind my identity hostage is simply one example of the power imbalance between us.

"I need to know, my life depends on it. I meant what I said in the palace, Allura. If you can not give me the truth, I will search for it elsewhere. And I will find it, and perhaps then I may not find it in me to forgive you for keeping it from me."

I hesitate, testing the boundary between lover and subject, bride to be and assuming monarch.

"Put yourself in my shoes," I whisper, desperation bleeding into my voice, "How would you fare if your wife purposely withheld your identity from you?"

Swallowing thickly, the princess gazes at me, reaching for a raven tendril that falls from behind my ear to my cheek and temple. Her look is mournful, her usual aloofness sullied by a knowledge which has plagued her since that evening in the palace a fortnight ago. I've felt the difference in her nightly visits. Her attentions became slower, more deliberate. She's been savoring me, taking her time to love me more with each passing evening.

"Let me make love to you one last time," she whispers, lowering her gaze to my breasts.

I feel my heart stop beating, pain overcoming my frustration.

"Why?" I ask suspiciously, "Are you saying you can not marry me unless I remain a stranger to myself? Is that what we're doing?"

Allura shakes her head, reaching to me with a frantic hand, but I recoil.

"That is not what I meant!"

I narrow my eyes and purse my lips, hurt. If she seeks an agreeable wife who does not question her place and only lives for her validation, then she should look elsewhere.

"Then what did you mean? Why can we not wait to make love after? Why now, when my questions about myself are to be answered?"

"Because..."

I push on, shaking my head.

"Because why, Allura? Because you do not wish to marry a woman who is anything but silent, pleasant and agreeable? Or because you fear I will leave you upon discovering the truth? What are you so afraid of?!"

"Will you still for a second, Eithne? I only meant--"

I scowl, shifting from beside her, intending to leave. I am about to stand when she scrambles towards me, lunging atop me and bringing me to the ground with her, caging me within her arms. She moves to place her palms on either side of my head, one of her legs nestled between my thighs, the other bent beside my waist. Her strong knee pushes up against me, creating a heavenly friction that makes me writhe beneath her and produce a broken cry.