MaNan-Instagram!♡

114.

"Stop, please. Stop" She covered my mouth trying to stop me from speaking. I held her hand and made her sit at a fair distance.

"I don't want you to live a life without me and I know you can't. I am scared of imagining the person you will become if you ever lose me or I try everything that is in my hand to keep myself safe. Not for myself or my parents but,for you because both of us and only the both of us know what we're to each other" I spoke. I could feel a lump forming in my throat. I gulped it. My voice was breaking saying things I was saying but I had to.

Nandini cried painful tears but listened to each word I said intently.

"There are times when I don't want to bother you with my problems Nandini,so I don't tell you about them. Professional problems and sometimes personal problems that does not concern you but the moment I start to lose myself in that problem,I come to you. I always come to you because when you fall in front of people,there is someone to pick you up,when you fall when you're alone- you fall harder. It hits you. It hurts you. It makes you feel really really bad. Ki tum girr gaye ho aur koi tumhe uthane wala hai bhi nahi and I don't want you to feel that. I never want you to go through that feeling but you did." It took alot for me to speak so much without breaking down or without touching her, embracing her.

"We fall Nandini. We all do. It's all about if you've enough people in your life who'll pick you up everytime you fall. Just like happiness,I don't feel happy when I bag a contract with a big label,I feel happy when I share it with you,when I see the pride in your eyes for me; that's when it all makes sense." I cupped her face bringing her closer to me.

"I don't want your happiness. I want your sadness. Give your pain to me. Tell me when you feel upset. Tell me what's bothering you. Just talk." I said. And I know she wasn't ready for what I was going to say next.

"If you don't communicate,you are the one who will be responsible for what happens to this relationship and that's the destiny you will decide for yourself Nandini. Not me,Not God" I said. I left her and got up taking the plate. I kept the plate on the table before walking off to my room. I looked back once to see her crying in the pillow.

Both of us needed some time to deal with this.

-
2 hours later.

Manik sat on his side of the bed in their room. He stared into nothingness for so long,it started to feel comfortable. He heard the door strike open and he didn't move. He kept staring into the wall trying to find some answers to the unsaid questions in his head.

"Doctor gave us that medicine na ek baar? For legs aching? Woh kahan gayi?" He heard her ask him. His eyes went straight towards her bare legs. She opened his cupboard and wore one of his tshirts as if they belonged to her, well they did. Manik got up and opened the drawer where the medicine was and handed it to her.

Nandini took the medicine wanting instant relief from an unbearable leg pain that hit her as she tried to walk.
She looked at Manik who was back to staring at anything but her. He looked outside of their window that was adjacent to his side of the bed.

"How do I not feel like a burden? On people?" She asked. She wanted answers from universe so she asked her universe for them.

Manik's head turned to her and he found her sitting in front of his legs. Her hand wrapped around his foot and caressed it waiting for him to answer.

"By thinking that you are not one. We're what we think we are" He answered looking outside the window again.

"Don't you sometimes feel that you are a bad singer? That you're good for nothing?" She pondered upon her thought more and gave it a voice.

"I do. Many times. But you know what I do when I feel that way?" He looked right into her eyes.

"What?" She asked.

"I come to you" He said. Until now, Nandini didn't know it was possible to be so overwhelmed by four words. There couldn't be a better feeling than being told this.

"You're all my answers" He added. He had his way with words.

Nandini couldn't feel more guilty.

"Aesa koi nahi hai jisne koi khoya nahi hai,baby" Manik couldn't hold his love for her back anymore. He was still angry but as they say,you can be mad at someone and still love them.

"Ek din tum mujhe kho dogi ya mein tumhe. Ek din mere parents mujhe khoyenge ya mein mere parents mein se kisiko khounga. Ek din Rishabh tumhe khoyega ya tum Rishabh ko" It was hard for him to say every word he said about death but he did it anyways,for his woman.

"Tumhare rone se,tumhare chup rehne se,tumhare ladne se,tumhare fighting spirit,tumhari sheer fucking will se tum inme se kuch bhi rok paogi? Tum mujhe marrne se rok paogi?" He asked. He wanted to make her face the truth so it wouldn't haunt her ever again.

"Shut up. SHUT UP" Nandini couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't stand a thought of losing him.

"Death is inevitable Nandini. They're your parents. You will never stop grieving and you should never stop grieving. You should miss them,you should remember them but how you fo it is what matters." Manik said. Nandini sat at the edge of the bed with her back facing him as she cried in her hands.

His words provided her a bittersweet comfort.

"It's hard for me to imagine this and say this but I will. You know if I ever lost Mom,I will cry for a month or I will cry until it hurts but you know what I will do after that? I will do everything she wanted me to do. I will spend time at home like she always tells me,I will have green tea that she forces me to have everyday. I will keep my things in the right place because she always wants that and sometimes,I will miss her so bad that nothing will make sense but I won't cry because I know she never wanted that. If something happens to Dad,I will have his favourite drink and celebrate the man that he was and the beautiful life he had. You might think it's easier said that done,for sure it is but I will try. I will cry in your arms like you do in mine but I will never feel ashamed about it. Chacha took care of you because he knew his brother would've wanted that. That was his way of paying respect to your abba." Manik had not ever thought he thought so much about this until he spoke today. Nandini was moved beyond words.

"I didn't know your parents Nandini but I know how parents are. They don't want you to keep crying about how you lost them,they want you to celebrate the time you had with them,no matter how little it is. Kal se,do what your parents loved. Eat what they liked eating,read what they liked reading and you'll find them in those things. They're within you,stop looking around to find them and you will" He sat besides her with their shoulders touching. She had stopped crying. She looked at him,her face was entirely red but she had a smile on her face.

"They always liked hearing music before sleeping" Nandini said. She wanted to do what Manik said from right that second and Manik smiled.

"Well then it's a good thing you are married to a singer" He pulled her cheeks. She chuckled wiping her face.

"Are you angry? At me?" She asked as he got up to to go his side. She got up too.

"Yes" He said and smiled. He was angry but he knew making her feel at home was more important that the anger.

"And what will make you not-angry?" She asked. He slept wrapping the blanket around him.

"I don't know" He answered honestly. Nandini touched her stomach looking down at their baby who moved again.
She already loved her father more.

"I will find the answers as well" She said as she hugged him from the back.

"In you. Of you. For you. " She whispered and placed a kiss on his shoulder blade.

She couldn't sleep for 15-20 minutes as she kept thinking about every word he had said. She saw him not move and figured he had slept.

She said what she was scared to say the whole day.

"I love you" She whispered and dimmed the lights of the lamp.

He smiled in the dark,
he never slept first...

----

Love you alllll🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉