Tell Me You Love Me: A Stand-alone | Young Adult MM Romance

Prologue

• Photo above is how I picture Grayson •

Prologue

They say that love comes in all different shapes and sizes, but does it come in different sexes? That seemed to be the question that I'd been asking myself a lot lately. I'd always been told sexuality is fluid, on a spectrum. But how deep does the spectrum run?

Up until lately, I'd considered myself completely and unequivocally straight. I liked girls, all my 'wet dreams' seemed to be about girls. So why did every time I close my eyes at night, I picture him? His sleeked back jet blonde hair, slightly parted to the left, his blue eyes that swelled with mischief and innocence. It was only supposed to be a dare. Never anything more. I was so drunk that I didn't give a second thought to grabbing hold of his hips, swaying to the music. His hips grinded nonchalantly against my growing appendage, but I thought nothing of it.

I was a horny 17-year-old guy, who just happened to be straight. My mind often pondered these questions over-and-over again as I try to sleep, but I can't get him off my mind: Kai Peterson. All of the things my mind didn't want, but my body apparently craved. My member began to harden just at the mental image of our lips smashing together, in what only one could call a passionate, but desperate hunger as our tongues danced together, in only a rhythm we knew how to dance to.

Rolling over on my back, my bed squeaked from my heavy weight, but I paid no mind to it. What would my parents think of this? What would my girlfriend think? Hell, what am I thinking?

My mind replayed the night in my mind every time I close my eyes. As much as I hated to think of it this way, but it was the best night of my life. I'd never felt so much heat during a kiss, so much longing for someone that I could never have. I groan, my hand running down my face in annoyance. Why did things have to be this way? Why couldn't I just be straight? Why did I have to lay awake at night, my member rubbing up against the fabric of my boxer briefs as I think about another guy? But he wasn't just another guy. He was everything I dreamt about when I was finally able to get him off my mind at night, only for that dreadful night of drinking and partying to show up in my dreams? Or would I call them nightmares?

As my mind fumbled with these thoughts, a yawn escapes past my lips. I turn my head slightly to the left, facing my alarm clock. Three o'clock in the morning. Great. Another night wasted away. I was exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. I couldn't help but wonder if maybe he was going through the same turmoil that I was. Did he think about our kiss? Does he even remember it? Eh, who cares. Apparently only I do.

School was in less than four hours. I have to wake up and take a shower soon, I thought. I knew hours ago there was no chance in getting any sleep tonight, but only a man can hope, right? I just hoped that I could get through the next year of my life without letting anyone know my deepest secrets and desires came along with a five-foot-seven boy, with freckles and glasses, that I'd made-out with at a party over a dare from one of my best friends, Stephen.

Damn you, Stephen, I think to myself. Damn you to hell.

I stare down at the tent in the covers as I take the devil's bait. I'm a sinner, not a saint. I just can't deny that anymore. My Father happened to be a preacher, yet his own son is wanking to another guy in his bedroom. What a disappointment. I push down my boxer briefs, allowing my pulsating member to spring free from its confinements. My breath hitches in my throat while my body burns with desire as I grab hold of my member, tugging it slowly as I allow myself to feel pleasure.

I lick my lips, allowing my eyes to roll back in my head as my toes curl at the end of the bed. As I bring myself closer and closer to the edge of no-return, the face that has haunted my every waking thought pops into my mind, sending everything else tumbling down a forever running stream. My senses heighten and my breathing becomes lathered and harsh as I feel myself being dragged further and further into what can only be hell. My member jumps as a deep moan escapes my throat, pushing past my moisten lips as my body pumps out everything I've been holding inside of it for so many lonely nights in a row.

The sticky substance covers my bare abdomen as my energy is drained from my body, entirely. As I lay in my bed, covered in my own bodily fluids, my heart is racing so fast it feels like it'll jump out of my chest at any second. As my breathing becomes less ragged, I push the rest of the comforter off my lower body, tossing my legs over the side of the bed. My entire body feels like Jell-O as my body shakes from the inside out, the aftershock of my orgasm running rampant throughout my body.

I finally muster up enough energy to stand as I make my way over to the partially-opened door to my bathroom. I flip on the light, my eyes instantly squinting from the blindness, but it doesn't come close to my own blindness when it came to acceptance of sin. My Father always says the fastest way to a man's damnation is blindness and pleasure. Well, Satan can go ahead and take me away now. I deserve it.

I grab a towel off the door to my shower as I wipe away the very proof of my darkest desires. I tuck myself back in my briefs as if this never happened, even though deep in my mind, I know it's the fourth night in a row that I've found myself staring into my mirror, covered in my own sinful activities that would sure make my parents frown.

My face is stoic, but my eyes tell another story completely different. My blue iris stare back at me with nothing short but anger and sadness. I'd allowed myself to feel like this every day for the past month since the night of my friend Adrian's party. I am stupid. Utterly stupid. I let down my defenses in my drunken haze. I've spent my entire life building up walls to keep others out and all it took was two cases of beer and a kiss to make my entire life come crumbling to pieces and I was solely to blame.

I stretch out my arms, leaning against the mirror in my bathroom, staring myself in the eye. My dark brown hair is disheveled and the stubble on my chin was becoming more prominent, but my gaze was on the emotions playing a different tune in my eyes. I blink twice, my eyes becoming more glossy by the second. I was no longer the strong man and I am the only one to blame for it.

Before I know it, the tears come cascading down my cheeks, dropping two at a time into the empty sink below. I rub at my face, but they never stop.

I have to be straight. I just have to be. From now on, no more thinking about the boy who captured my entire heart in just one kiss that seemed to go on for years before we were forced apart. I'm going to go to school tomorrow, grab my girlfriend and force myself to enjoy something I know my body doesn't want, and will never want.

My name is Grayson Thomas. And I like girls. I love girls. I have a beautiful girlfriend, plenty of cash to throw around, and I will no longer go along with this foolishness that is my body. It's playing tricks on me and I have to repent. This is normal... Every guy thinks about other guys sometimes, I'm just confused.

But I know now... Kai Peterson is a dirty sinner, and as bad as I want to kiss those pink lips and lose myself once more, I have to gain some control. I am control. I am straight and he isn't going to change that; Ever.