hyperaware

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Suddenly, all Kei can think about is the way his feet hit the floor when he walks.

Step, step, step, step.

His feet hit the little, barely visible, lines in the gym floor. He winces and tightens his grip on his waterbottle before lifting it up to his lips.

He doesn't drink from it, the tip of the bottle rests against his mouth as he tries to tune out the shouts from his teammates.

Tanaka says something, Kei can't make out what it was and he doesn't want to. The way his voice rises above everything else makes him tighten his already tight grip on the bottle. He brings it back down to his side and furrows his eyebrows, trying to focus on anything else.

He has homework to do when he gets home. For once, he doesn't want Yamaguchi to be there. The thought sits for a little as he ponders the questions he had scanned through a few hours prior. Then the guilt seeps in. Kei scrunches up his nose. Of course he wants Yamaguchi to be there, there's something about his presence that's calming. Kei wishes he were at his side now.

Nishinoya shouts something to him, the words go in through Kei's ear and get sent right back out. He whips his head around to face him, all the way in the other side of the gym.

Frustration and annoyance heat his chest. He feels like he has to do something, to move, to run. His hands twitch at his sides, he stiffens. His body shivers involuntarily.

He opens his mouth, then slams it shut.

He doesn't trust whatever it is he was about to say.

He gives his bottle another squeeze, choosing to ignore whatever Nishinoya says next.

He feels like he's floating. He isn't connected to the reality around him. As he walks to set his bottle down, the tiny, hardly visible lines that had been giving him grief all blur together. He's pretty sure he almost trips on his own two feet, but he can't bring himself to care.

Nothing is too much anymore, everything is too little. It's equally as frustrating, but this feeling isn't as overwhelming.

It feels like a chore to bend down and set the bottle neatly onto the floor, so he drops it. Yamaguchi, who had only just appeared at his side, raises his eyebrows.

Kei only blinks at him.

He looks back to the bottle, laying in its side and rolling over to the wall. He wonders if it'll be ping-ponged back.

Kei feels comfortable like this. Not moving, hardly thinking about anything that isn't right before his eyes. It's like he's shutting down. It's neither a pleasant nor an unpleasant feeling, but he's used to it. It's familiar.

"Tsukki?" Yamaguchi's voice is loud and clear in his head. He hears him, but he also feels like he doesn't. Or, maybe he just doesn't want to respond. His mind isn't working, he can't figure out which it is.

The fact that all he hears is silence in his own brain will freak him out when he's able to think again, but now, in the present, he feels nothing.

A whistle blows.

Kei takes a second before he's able to gather the unusual amount of strength it takes to turn himself around and begin walking towards the gym doors, where both Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei are standing. He feels heavy, too heavy. Each step he takes feels like he's preparing for a trek up Mount Everest.

He loses a bit of time, when he finally feels like he's conscious again, He's standing in a circle, huddled around their coach and their advisor. The voices brought him back. Part of him wishes they hadn't.