Always and Forever

Right Person, Wrong Time

"What does that mean?"

"Just that there's no one I'd be comfortable bringing here"

"But why? Our families are so welcoming."

"Teja I know that but it's just that this is different. I just don't feel like making sure someone else is fine the whole night when I have to handle mys-. Leave it. Where is everyone else?"

I decide to let the topic go but can't forget what he sounded like he was going to say. He'll have to handle his what? I need to stop trying to read into his every sentence. Anyways, I need to focus on what today is, mine and Nikhil's day. "They went to grab some food for themselves and me. They'll be back soon."

Just as I say that some of my other friends walk in and this is their first time seeing me fully ready. They come over and awe over my look. Talking about how beautiful I am and how Nikhil is going to want to faint when he sees me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Karan's grip tighten on the pillow near him. He's not even looking at me yet I can see frown lines on his forehead. Before I even have a chance to ask if he's okay, one of my friends goes and sits next to him.

She is saying something to him but I can't hear what she's saying. All I can see is the fact that when she's talking to him she leans over and puts her hand on his knee. I think I'll have to remind myself I'm not allowed to feel anything but I don't even have to because Karan removes her hand himself. For the last six months, he's not been his usual self. The one that wouldn't leave a chance to flirt with a girl is the one pushing girls away. I mean I won't lie, the change in him is good but it's not him. Every time I've tried to talk to him, he's blown it off by saying he's just not interested in the girl or he's tired or he turns it around on me and asks why I'm so interested. Anyways I've learned to not bring up that topic.

As I'm distracted I don't notice my older relatives walk into the room until they're standing in front of me. They're all around me fixing my lengha and jewelry. One after another their comments come: "Your and Nikhil's children will be so beautiful," "What a gorgeous couple," "He's lucky to have you," "He's the right match for you," "You both are meant to be," "It's obvious how happy he makes you."

All the comments are a little overwhelming and for some reason it makes my earlier anxiety come back. Now I feel like I have to live up to all these expectations. I start to wonder why I can't bring myself to feel as confident. But I remind myself that everyone feels anxious before their wedding. This is normal. I'm fine.

One of my friends interrupts and asks, "Wait what are you going to say for your speech for Nikhil." We had both decided to do speeches before the wedding, just to have an opportunity to speak our hearts out to each other.

Karan pipes up from the couch, "Wait what speech?"

My friend sitting next to him tells him, "Basically they're just going to talk about how they fell in love, why they love each other, etc etc" Then she turns to me and asks, "So can we get a little preview?"

Everyone turns their eyes on me and I start to feel a little nervous. "Fine it's not great but I'll give you the gist. 'Nikhil you don't know what your presence has meant in my life. I love you but that doesn't define-"

I lose my train of thought as I see, from the corner of my eye, Karan leave the room. I call out to the girls sitting near him and ask them where he went. They said he didn't say but he got a call and went outside. Oh, he's probably calling work about something, I'll check in a few minutes.

I spend the next ten minutes saying a few more lines from my speech and making small talk with everyone here. They're talking to me about the wedding and yet all I can focus on is the fact that Karan is still gone. I get up and look out the doors to the room to see if he's in the hallway but he's not. Before I can leave the room my aunts pull me back. "Teja the baraat is coming soon. Stay here."