New Beginnings Series.

Chapter 5, Where Do We Go From Here?

My POV. *the next day*

I groaned and slammed the alarm as it went off and sighed as I slowly sat up and looked at the empty and dark room around me that'd I slept in. After coming home from Bobby's to an empty house last night I had fed and bathed both kids before reading them stories until they'd fallen asleep, once I was done with that I had went and taken a shower myself but sadly my shower wasn't as relaxing as I would've liked because I'd started thinking of how much better it would've been with my husband present and it had just broke me once more. I'd slid down the title walls and sobbed silently until the water had ran cold. By the time I'd crawled into bed, I was still shivering but I didn't even care at that point.

I stretched as I glanced at the time and knew that I had to get up, because even though I would've preferred staying in bed and wallowing in my self pity I had children to look after and housework that needed done.

"Dean? Are you up?"I called softly down the hall as I got dressed in my chill clothes -read as sweats and a tee shirt- and pulled my hair back into a simple ponytail. I turned as I heard little footsteps and then Dean came in rubbing his eyes.

"Yea mommy.."He yawned softly.

I smiled and came over picking him up, kissing his cheeks,"Let's go have some breakfast."I whispered softly as I walked out of the room, checked on Raelynn who was sleeping and then heading downstairs.

Upon walking into the kitchen I stopped short though at the figure standing in front of the stove. It was Matt..and it looked like he'd been here for at least twenty minutes if the stack of pancakes and bowl of fresh strawberries on the table were any indication.

Dean had also noticed his father's presence and he buried his face in the side of my neck with a soft but barely audible whine as he clenched my tee shirt. I rubbed his back soothingly as I cleared my throat to get Matt's attention.

Said man jumped slightly and turned. I couldn't miss the red rimmed eyes and split lip he was sporting and wondered what had happened,"Um hey...I made breakfast..."he held the pan up some.

I moved and sat Dean in his chair, getting him some pancakes,"I see that."I replied crossing my arms because I honestly wasn't sure what else to do with them. Matt nodded and we fell into an awkward silence, which angered me slightly and I clenched my fists subtly because I was warring with myself between slapping Matt across the damn face or hugging him and never letting him go again, but I knew neither option would help our situation at all. However I definitely didn't feel like starting another screaming match in front of Dean. Poor little boy had seen enough as it was. I threw my hands up with a defeated sigh, because standing here I felt as if I had to act as if everything was okay when we both obviously knew they were far from it.

"Okay..I can't do this.."I admitted as I looked at Matt. I was done with the silence.

Matt turned once more and looked at him,"Do what?"I asked nervously.

I sighed and gestured around the kitchen,"This. I can't do this. The acting like everything is okay between us when we both know they're not."

Matt looked down and sighed sadly,"So where do we go from here Haley?"he whispered as he slowly looked back up at me.

I crossed my arms again and shrugged,"I honestly don't know because every time I even think you, I remember what you did and that just breaks me even more than I already was."

Matt nodded and sniffed turning the stove off before moving the dirty dishes to the sink, I helped Dean down out of his booster seat and let him run off to the living room to wait for his Uncle Bobby.

"I'm sorry..."I turned at the soft spoken apology and held back a sniff,"I know it probably don't mean shit but I'm so sorry Dorothy and if I could back in time and undo what I did, baby I would because you didn't deserve this shit at all..."

I just stared at his back unsure what to say as I blinked the burning sensation associated with tears back....I went to say something but Matt kept going,"but I swear to you Haley, I'm gonna make it up to you. To fix us."he turned and looked at me as a tear slid down his cheek.

I sniffed as a small choked back sob slash whimper came out of my mouth, I cleared my throat and slowly shook my head,"Matt...I-i'm not sure we can be fixed....t-this just hurt me so much and I can't stop thinking about it.."I admitted sadly,"But believe me I want us to work...I-i want us back to how we were because you are my everything and this past two days have been the worst of my life."

Matt nodded sadly,"I don't doubt it and I deserve every punch and slap you could possibly dish out on me."he sniffed,"and Luke too for that matter."he licked his lips and hissed softly.

'I guess that clears up that explanation..' I thought as I nodded slowly since I didn't feel like being a flat out bitch and telling him he wasn't wrong about what he'd just said.

"And you can agree with me, I know you want to and I wouldn't stop you."Matt added as he moved to start washing dishes. I went to state that he was wrong, even though he wasn't but the doorbell interrupted the quiet that fallen once more,"Go...I'll finish these and be on my way..."Matt stated softly and I knew the conversation had officially ended.  Deciding not to keep Bobby or Dean waiting any longer, I turned and left the kitchen quietly....Matt's question still floating around in my head because I was wondering the same. After what happened to us, where do we go now?