Not Me

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

"Why are you packing?" I curiously asked Tonton upon entering our unit. Isa-isa kasi niyang nilalagay sa bag ang mga damit niya.

"Weekends. Uuwi ako sa fam ko." He answered. Again, I envy him. Malapit nga lang pala kasi ang pamilya niya dito as compared to me na napakatagal pa ng magiging biyahe. "Dito ka lang?"

"Yup. Matagal biyahe, eh." I answered. "Ingat ka, ha?"

"Of course." He answered while still packing his things. "Ay! 'Yung gwapong papi na nagbigay sa 'yo ng rose, hinihintay ka uli sa lobby."

"Huh?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko rito. "Kakadaan ko lang. Wala naman." I answered him. But I'm not sure, though. Ang kulit kasi ni Val kanina. Inaasar niya akong baby dahil nakita ko si Jerome at pinagmadali ko na siyang maglakad para hindi kami makita. Baka ireport pa kay daddy na may lalaki akong kasama kaya nawala ako sa paningin niya.

"Halos ngayon lang din 'yon, e. Balikan mo." He suggested.

"'Wag na. Hindi naman nga ako interesado doon." I answered.

"Totoo ka ba?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong nito.

"Ex ko 'yon! Wala akong planong bumalik sa cheater." I finally explained. Kung hindi ko kasi gagawin, baka lagi na lang magparamdam si Jacob and lagi ring i-entertain ni Tonton.

"Ay? Bakit parang galit ka? Bakit parang kasalanan ko?" A week of being with him made me catch up to the way he answers. This time, it was a reenactment. Of what? I still don't know. "Pero tama! Hindi na dapat binibigyan ng chance 'yan kung cheater naman pala. Etong mga poging 'to, akala mo kasi talaga may free pass na para manakit porque may hitsura, e."

"Kaya 'wag mo nang i-entertain. Wala naman akong plano to have him back." I said in full authority.

"Oo na. Sungit mo today. Meron ka?" And again, I didn't catch his question.

"Na?"

"Nako! Clear your mind kung may problema ka, okay? Actually, kausapin mo kaya nang malabas mo 'yang galit mo? Hindi 'yung magsusungit ka dyan kasi naaalala mo siya. Mahirap 'yan! Maaga kang mababaliw."

Saktong pagkasabi niya noon ay ang pagsara niya ng bag at pagtayo para umalis na. Masyado nga yata akong naging masungit.

And what he said slowly sinked in... Maybe, I've been carrying this load for so long already that I need to face it now.

Or should I?

The silence became so loud that I wished I've stopped Tonton from leaving even just for an hour kasi hindi nakakatulong na hindi ko na nga alam gagawin ko, mag-isa pa ako.

I don't know what happened next. It is as if the silence controlled me. Silence... pero alam niya kung anong gusto niyang gawin sa akin.

And there I was - facing "the" Jacob Suarez.

"I thought you'd never show up." Bungad nito. He placed his book inside his bag at nagpagpag pa ng lamesa as if merong dumi kahit wala naman. "Take a seat." He asked.

"'Wag mo akong utusan." I annoyingly answered but still sat in front of him.

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