Hate Notes

Chapter 13

"Whoa, he's just coming to the cabin, Iris. I never said anything about him wanting you back." He laughed, but it was tight with confusion. "I guess it's because he doesn't care anymore."

I tried not to let his words get to me. If I did, then I would crumble. I would back out and eventually lose my chances with him again. I knew after what I did and the pain I caused him would warrant me to grovel. My dad always says to never be ashamed of apologizing when you're at wrong.

"And you've just decided to tell me today?" I retorted, rubbing the back of my neck. My head throbbed. A few moments ago, it hadn't been there. The fact that my head was already going through so many scenarios caused me a giant ball of headache. I leaned my back against the couch, staring at the ceiling while I continued, "Right after I finished packing last night, Jason? When I'm supposed to leave in two hours? When did you know about it?"

His answer came abrupt, strung with hesitation. "Uh...."

I tried not to grit my teeth. "Goddammit, Jason. You could've given me a heads up!"

"I did, just now," he remarked, sighing expansively. "And I knew if I told you, you'd make a shitty excuse not to come."

"And who told you I wouldn't have come if you had told me earlier? At least, I would have been prepared. I could have bought a new lingerie-"

"Jesus fucking Christ," my brother cuts in with a groan as if he was physically in pain. "and here I thought it would scare you off and not motivate you to buy- I can't even say it. I don't even want to picture it. I'm glad this hasn't affected you."

I laughed, enjoying the small torment he was in. "It did the opposite actually," I admitted shamelessly. I wasn't trying to hide my feelings for Jesse. When I hated him, I made sure everyone felt it, so when I liked him, I intend to make sure everyone felt it too.

"What are you going to do?"

"What did Jesse do when I hated him?" He was relentless in his torment, refusing to budge. He was in my space every chance he got. I used to think it was because he enjoyed tormenting me. I didn't think he did it because he couldn't keep himself away from me.

"Oh, hell. You will not ruin my best friend's weekend."

"You have to expect it."

"Iris....." Jason trailed off, giving himself a moment before he added, "Don't push him, okay? It was fine before because he wanted to be near you. This time, he won't enjoy it. Don't push him over the edge, or he will become merciless."

He hits me, right where I was most tender.

My heart thudded, hard. "It's literally what I've done all my life, so there's nothing new," I countered, despite the fear I welcomed. Yes, I knew how he felt and all my encounters with him had been amusing on his part. He's always had a smile even when he was annoyed. This time would be different, though. I should expect some changes and yet, I knew no matter what, his feelings for me didn't change.

He was disappointed when he left me in my old bedroom. He seemed more affected when our letters turned into ashes, which meant he still cared. He still cared, but he would rather hurt me back. It's exactly what I did. I hurt when I hurt him.

"Have you missed the part where I said he enjoyed it and won't now?"

I was silent for a second. "Jason, you know I love you, right?"

"It's been up for debate for years," he replied with a chuckle. "But yeah, whatever. What dirty little thing is going through your mind? I'm not kidnapping or hurting anyone."

"Help me with Jesse," I stated pleadingly. "I can do the rest, but I'd need a hand. You were the one who said you're tired of us hurting each other and we need a break from all the crap we put each other through."