Love made Visible

LXXVI. Anxiety Attack.

I don't know how long I've been watching not until Jihyo nudge me again.

Jihyo: You're making it too obvious. Someone might catch you staring at her. You know you're being watched by your grandpa.

She's right. I whispered thanks and looked at the stage where the show is about to start. There were a lot of designs that caught my eye. I glance at her occasionally just to see her reaction to those outfits that I know she might like.

I saw her smile then talk to Somi about it. I would see them laugh, enjoying themselves. I felt my heart was crushed, which eventually became real pain. The air felt thick it makes it harder to breathe. The pain makes me clutch my chest, which Jihyo noticed.

Jihyo: You okay?

I then felt dizzy. I know this too well. No, not again.

Nayeon who was at my other side took hold of my shoulders as I feel as if I'm about to faint.

On the phone, Jihyo was talking to someone.

Jihyo: Unnie, help me with her. Manager unnie is at the back.

I'm still aware of my surroundings. I can feel too weak, like anytime I'm going to faint but I'm trying not to. I heard Jihyo asking for me to stand that they'll help me. Two arms held me on both sides as I try to stand. I gathered all my strength to walk. No, I won't faint in front of all these people.

We walked past the audience into the back. Our managers took me from my unnies and led me to the car. As soon as I sat on the car I fainted.

The next thing I know I woke up at an unfamiliar room. Then I noticed I was at the hospital wearing a hospital gown. I tried to sit but failed as I felt sudden pain in my head. A hand then softly pushed me back to bed.

Momo: Mitang, don't get up yet. Sana call the nurse, she's awake.

I looked at her, she looked tired. Sana went running out of the room.

Momo: Are you okay?

I nodded.

Me: What happened?

Momo: later, after the nurse have checked on you.

The nurse came, took my chart and checked my temperature, blood pressure and the dextrose.

Nurse: How are you feeling dear?

Me: Slight headache.

Nurse: That's it? You're not feeling dizzy or feel like vomiting?

I shook my head. She wrote on my chart and then faced us.

Nurse: the doctor will make rounds in an hour. Let's wait for now. Please don't stress her yet now that she's awake. It's better to rest for now.

A few seconds after the nurse left, the door suddenly opened startling us all. It was Jihyo and Nayeon unnie who were panting.

Sana and Momo laughed.

Sana: I called them.

The two came in, putting some bags on the table and went near the bed.

Nayeon: We... Ran... As soon as... We got the food.

Jihyo: are you... Okay?

I nodded. Sana told them what the nurse said. I slowly sat up with Momo helping me putting some pillows on my back.

Me: what happened?

Jihyo sat on the bed while Nayeon unnie relaxed at the chair next to the bed. Meanwhile Momo and Sana unnie prepared the food.

Jihyo: At the fashion event you suddenly looked pale and sweating you're even holding your chest. I asked you if you're okay and you didn't respond.

Nayeon: You were bit swaying like you're dizzy so I took hold of you while Jihyo called manager unnie.

Jihyo: You were able to walk towards the back and we handed you over to manager unnie.

Nayeon: She told us you fainted as soon as you're inside the car. They immediately brought you here.

Jihyo: We got worried cause you were out the whole day. Even PDnim went here to check on you and talked to the doctor.

Nayeon: Jihyo, her parents.

Momo: I'll call them.

Me: You told them?

Jihyo: Of Course. We told them what the doctors said which not letting them come yet unless you won't wake up today.

Momo: Mitang.

She handed me her phone.

Me: Hello?

My parents were so worried but glad that I'm awake. Mama even cried.

I feel good, better than what I felt yesterday. I noticed the girls change the topic whenever the fashion event came up.

The doctor came by an hour later. I know why I felt that and the doctor confirmed as I told him what I felt before fainting. I also told him that's what I usually feel whenever my anxiety attacks.

He prescribe some medications and said I could be discharged tomorrow but still required to rest for a few days.

Jeongyeon, Dahyun and Tzuyu came later that afternoon hugging me as soon as they saw me. Dahyun gave me chocolates and Tzuyu a penguin stuffed toy.

The girls stayed until manager unnie fetched them. It was Jihyo and Sana who stayed with me last night. Nayeon and Momo volunteered themselves for tonight. Jeongyeon said she'll stay too.

I asked Momo to stay with me in the bed while Nayeon and Jeongyeon unnie took the two sofas.

Once the girls fell asleep, that's when my tears fell. I completely lost her.

I can't control my sobbing which woke Momo up.

Momo: Mitang? What happened? Are you hurt?

I shook my head.

Me: I lost her unnie. Now she's with someone else.

Momo hugged me which made me sobbed harder. Nayeon and Jeongyeon unnie, who also heard, comforted me. I can hear Nayeon unnie crying too.

One of my fears are becoming real. Soon, I'll be leaving my girls too. I'm loosing those I love.