The Science of Growing Apart

22- Dress

"Was it really bad?" he asked in a nervous voice that made me think he didn't really want to know the answer to it. I pulled out the next dress in my lineup. A red velvet mini dress with spaghetti straps and a plunging neckline.

I didn't know how I should answer that question, or how he wanted me to answer it. Did he want the uncomfortable truth or did he want to be coddled into thinking I took our separation like a champ, just shook it off and moved on with my life. It would probably be convenient for him to think that I was fine without him so that he wouldn't have to feel as guilty about his aftermath, but it just wasn't the truth.

"You annihilated me, Casey," I said under my breath, barely a whisper. There was a long, uncomfortable silence after that and my entire body froze as I waited for his response.

"I missed you, all the time," he finally said. "You know, I just don't want you thinking that I totally forgot you existed when I went to college. I thought about you constantly, I just didn't know how to pick up the phone. I was being such an idiot."

"Yeah. You were." I slid the red dress onto my body, this one not as forgiving as the black dress around my rounder hips and I had to squeeze it up my body.

There was another long pause. "Do you think she'll give me a chance?" he finally asked.

"It'll take some time. She's very stubborn. And it makes us even, if you think about it. Rebecca hates me, Natalie hates you."

"Yeah, I didn't think about it like that," he laughed, but I could sense that he was clearly uncomfortable. He was the one that brought it up though. "Can you help me win her over? What kind of things does she like?"

"I think the only thing you can do is just not make me cry." I said it like a joke, but I wasn't actually kidding.

"Hopefully, I'm doing a good job at that so far?"

"So far, so good," I assured him as I gave up on the dress and let it fall back around my feet, but ended up tripping on the fabric as I stepped out of it, causing a squeal to leave my lips.

"What was that?" Casey asked me.

"I'm trying on some date clothes that I lost in the back of my closet," I told him as I tossed the dress into my discard pile and grabbed a denim skirt as the next victim. "It's like getting an entirely new wardrobe, I forgot I had most of this stuff."

"Date clothes," he repeated before asking, "Are you dating anybody?"

"Not yet, but I do have a date scheduled for this weekend." A part of me feels like I'm that girl at homecoming again, dancing with another boy just to prove to Casey, and to myself, that I was fine without him. It felt very performative.

"That's exciting, where are you going?"

"Amber's Steakhouse, it's pretty fancy. Which I don't normally do for a first date, but I let him choose," I explained to him as I pulled on the skirt and matched it with a corset crop top. "So I have to get all dressed up, but it's worth it because they have the best rolls."

"How much do you know about this guy?"

"I know that he's a teacher, he likes cats, likes fancy steakhouses." I also knew that he was very attractive from his Tinder pictures, but I left that part out.

"That's it?"

"We haven't been talking for very long, that's what the date is for. To get to know him." I tried the same top with a different skirt and I stared at myself in the mirror for a minute, wondering what my date on Saturday, Emmett, would think of this outfit. I pictured it for a moment until my brain replaced Emmett's chiseled face with Casey's and I found myself wondering if he would like the outfit.

"Well, I hope you have a good time," he said, breaking me out of my horrible thought process. "I've been to Amber's before, they have great mac and cheese. Rebecca makes fun of me for ordering mac and cheese at a fancy restaurant, but it's really good."

"Mac and cheese is appropriate for any occasion."

"I know, that's what I said," he told me with a light laugh. "You know, I think sometimes she puts too much importance on appearance and the need to feel sophisticated. She was raised in a really rich family, so I think it comes from her parents. They're nice people, but very... I don't know, pretentious, I guess."

"Are they paying for a giant, lavish wedding?" I asked him teasingly, knowing how much Casey would probably hate a wedding like that. He'd probably prefer to just run off to the courthouse if Rebecca would allow it.

"They want to, but I don't really want a big wedding," Casey said as I got undressed again to try on my last dress. "What would be your dream wedding? Something in the forest, probably. Fall with an open bar and a bonfire?"

"That actually sounds amazing." I squeezed into the dress and started coercing the zipper up my back. "I haven't thought much about what my wedding would be like. Finding somebody to get married to feels pretty unattainable right now."

"Well, it'll be hard to find somebody good enough to be with you, but he's out there somewhere," he assured me. The dress fit and it made my boobs look incredible. Maybe even better than they looked when I used to wear this dress in college. I was definitely keeping this one. "You could meet the love of your life this weekend on your date."

"Yeah, maybe," I said with a chuckle, not sounding very convinced at all.