Kenzie Gilbert: The Tormented Twin (6)

24: We're Both Sorry

Now I was the one scrunching up my face. "Never mention that again." Stefan chuckled and I smiled, watching him. He was still that gorgeous boy I first laid eyes on, whose beauty took away my breath. "You apologized for starting our train wreck of a relationship. I'm apologizing for Damon and my selfish actions. I turn to him when I can't have you. That's not right to you or him. Even recently... Damon and I are in a great place. We're best friends. He's who I've been the most vulnerable with. And you're going to hate me but I have sort of thought about a relationship with him. Him and Elena are unsteady as well. And if we got together it wouldn't be toxic, I think if we weren't in love with the other's sibling, we'd be able to make it work."

"Uh... I don't want to imagine a life of you and Damon together. But all is fair, when Caroline told me about her feelings, it made me question everything. We did get back together fast. Of course I loved you, but when you turned your humanity on, I was afraid. Of losing you again and of hurting your feelings. In what world could I have walked away from you?"

My brows raised, "Okay. Wow. Sounds like you felt guilty–"

"No. Not guilty. But if I would've said I needed time or we needed to go slow, you would've crumbled. Why would I hurt you like that? I was a hundred percent sure we'd end up together. Why did I have to wait? I wanted to hold you and kiss you forever. I never wanted to see you with someone else again. You're mine."

I blushed, licking my lips as his green eyes stormed possessively. "You still feel that way?"

"I do. You're mine. Always."

"I'm scared you're going to change your mind, Stefan."

"I'm not. I was a fool to push you away when Damon disappeared. There's no other explanation besides stupidity. Because I needed you. And I didn't want to be vulnerable with you. I was used to being there for everyone and every situation, being strong for you. But my brother was gone and my heart was broken. I didn't even know I'd ever feel that type or amount of heartbreak for him. Honestly, it felt like I died. I was scared and I ran."

"This is what I needed to hear when I found you."

He nodded, "I know."

I shook my head, "Anything else we should discuss?" I scoffed.

He furrowed his eyebrows, "Now why'd you have to say it like that."

I chuckled softly, squeezing his hand that I held. I then hesitantly laid my head on his shoulder, sighing in content. It felt good to get things off my chest. It felt good to know his turmoil. It was hard to forgive when I didn't understand. But how could I understand if we never talked or said how we really felt. We just bottled things up and swept the bad times under the rug. If we didn't truly resolve or move on, of course those negative feelings affected future situations.

"It just feels like everything has been because of lack of communication. Because I do love you with all my heart. I have for years without stopping. And I know you love me. I do. But the idea of you loving someone else, Caroline, tore me apart. Maybe because of my own insecurities thinking that she was better than me or that I don't deserve you. Or maybe because I knew how lucky that bitch could be if she had you. The man of my dreams, the perfect man. Maybe I don't deserve you, but why the hell would anyone else when I've poured all this love into you and all this time into us?" I asked rhetorically. "And maybe I was more upset and mad about the idea of Caroline stealing you away because of the fact you pretended to be dead for months. I'm not over that. How could I be?"

"I know and I'm sorry–"

"No. I feel better about it then I did before we talked tonight. I'll get over it as soon as we get on the same page. We need to truly forgive and speak. This vulnerability is what made us fall in love to begin with. Your blood habits, my self-harm. We stopped being vulnerable with each other when we started hurting one another. And then because we want to be together we pretend we're okay when we might not be. Which is totally okay!"