The Wastelands (Part II of the Runner Series)

Chapter 20

A great, heaving sob threatens my chest and pinpricks behind my eyes. I ignore the weighted feeling in my legs and jump again, springing vertically as though the night sky were within my grasp.

I don't think you will be satisfied until you scrape the stars.

His words echo in my mind, taunting me, restraining me. Anger and heartbreak swirl together in a deadly concoction that threaten to bring me back down to earth. I bite down on the inside of my cheek as I roll into another landing and revel in the taste of blood filling my mouth.

I don't realize that I have reached the City limits until the scaffolding surrounding the outer wall rushes up beneath my feet. I rise into a shaky standing position, shoulders heaving, sweat pouring down my neck and back as I gaze out over the ledge.

The Wastelands expand before me, vast and limitless in stark contrast to the finite existence of the City. There was a time when the City felt large, when it's rooftops and alleyways were all I knew and all I ever needed to know. Now, staring out at the barren expanse of desert I feel confined, restricted. The world is so much larger than I once allowed myself to believe. What meaning do walls and buildings have compared to the endlessness beyond our borders?

I sink down into a sitting position on the top of the wall, staring out. The moon and stars illuminate the sandy expanse, painting the earth a pale blue. The night breeze tangles through my hair and buffets my loose clothing, cooling my skin where sweat dries against flesh. I shiver despite myself, revelling in the sensation of tired limbs and chilled air, grateful to have something physical to concentrate on.

Straining to make out the details dotting the Wasteland my thoughts inevitably return to Will. I wrap my arms around myself as I fight to keep at bay the emotions threatening to surface.

Too reckless. Haven't I every reason to be? What does my life compare to the plight of the Commoners, or the Wasters? What does one orphan girl matter relative to the entirety of the world's grand design? How could I live with myself if I had the opportunity to help but failed to act? My family gave up their lives for a cause, the act of sacrifice courses through the very blood in my veins.

Why can't he understand? He claims to accept and trust me but his words tonight painted another picture. Why can't he support what is important to me? How can I help others when I am constantly being held back by him? By anyone?

Perhaps that's it. Perhaps I am not meant to be partnered with any one person. As Will said, worrying about me only impeded his ability to do his job. Our emotional attachment to each other makes us weak, they restrain us when it comes to handling more important matters. Without me he will be free to make his decisions with a clear head.

And I will be free to run.

At the thought the icy grip of fear consumes me, so sudden and shocking that I gasp and nearly topple off the wall. The idea of losing the last person to hold my heart is so intensely terrifying that I cannot catch my breath. My traitor mind flashes to a scene deep within Harmen's gaol, how it felt to be betrayed and abandoned by my best friends, left to rot with no end in sight.

I clutch at my heart, trying vainly to bring myself back under control. This is the first time my nightmares have attacked me while conscious. I shut my eyes tightly and reflexively wish for Will's warm hand on my back, for his soothing words. Another bout of panic shudders through my body at the realization that he isn't here and he may never be again.

Finally and with great effort I am able to slow my heart rate. While drawing great, shuddering breaths I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand and bring my knees up to my chest. I focus on remaining completely still as I look blankly out into the desert, my eyes glazing over as I watch the sky change gradually from black to indigo. The stars fade while twinges of violet promise from the horizon.