Only Her [#Wattys2015]

Chapter 21

Austin's POV
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The pain. It's still there.

Planted deep within me. I don't know how I'll get on with life.

I felt like I was crushed and thrown away like a piece of paper.

I was fooled. I thought she loved me.

I thought she wanted me and that she reciprocated what I felt for her.

I was dead wrong.

She still loved Jake. In fact, he never left her mind or her heart.

I felt like everything was done and forgotten.

Was the kiss a dream too? When she kissed me yesterday...was it a sign of pity?

I don't need that.

But she told me she was falling for me. I bet that were also words of sympathy.

Finally when I managed to express my feelings for her, though I don't think words were enough to express it, Jake had to come back.

But it was my fault. I shouldn't have fallen in love with my brother's girlfriend.

Still what am I supposed to do? Give up on her?

That's impossible. But I have to.

She belongs to my brother. She always has.
"Austin." Mom opened the door."Come on down for breakfast."

I sat casually on the bed with my headphones on. I looked at her, with my face showing no sign of expression.

"Where's Jake?" I asked.

"He went to Jayne's place." She smiled warmly."It's her birthday today. Go ahead and wish her 'happy birthday'. Thank her for being your tutor."

"Oh." I sighed.

"Austin." She said.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I am." I lied."I'll head down later."

"Alright." Mom replied and she closed the door.

How am I suppose to wish her happy birthday?

Especially when I don't feel anything but intense pain right now in my heart.

Why did Jayne Paxton have such a hold over me?

What exactly am I doing? This is all for nothing.

She will never see me more than just a brother.

I stood up unwillingly and headed downstairs.

I sat down before the table and stared into space.

I couldn't get her off my mind. I want her.

Why can't I have her?

"Austin." Mom sat next to me."What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing." I told her."I'm fine."

"Austin. Who do you think I am?" Mom asked seriously."I'm not just anyone who knows you just last week. I know you, Austin Allen."

I kept silent. I didn't dare to say a single word.

"Austin. There is something that is really wrong with you." Mom said."Tell me, I'll help you."

"You can't help me." I replied coldly.

I wasn't saying that to provoke her or even ask her for any help.

It was a fact. Mom always wanted Jayne to be with Jake.

"Not until you tell me." Mom sighed."I'm here to listen, Austin. Not to judge you."

I wanted to share my pain with someone. But I was ashamed.

"Mom..I..just lost the love of my life." I confessed."And it's killing me..it's really.."

My feelings overwhelmed me. My tears were at the doors of my eyes just waiting to be forced out.

"Darling..there are plenty of girls out there.." Mom comforted.

"I don't want any of them." I stated."I want only her.."

"Then don't give up on her." Mom answered." Do your best."

"I already did my best." I turned to her." Is that not enough?"

And finally my tears made its way down ny cheek and I gave in to them.

"I'll support you, Austin." Mom assured."I always will."

"No you won't." I said."You won't."

"Are you doubting my love for you, Austin Allen?" She asked." Why won't I? Why wouldn't I suppot you?"

I looked at Mom's face. Right now, I could see anger and pain in her eyes.

"Because..." I said softly.

"Because?" Mom said impatiently.

I stayed stoned. I couldn't tell Mom the reason why.

"Austin Allen, you better answer me right now!" Mom demanded.

"Because the girl I love is Jayne Paxton!" My voice wasn't stable anymore.

"Oh god." Mom calmed down." No no. It couldn't be. Tell me again, who is she? I think I might be hearing things."

"I love Jayne Paxton." I said."My brother's girlfriend."

"How could you?" Mom asked.

"I couldn't help myself." I looked away. "And before I know it, I was in love with her."

"Austin..she is Jake's girlfriend...and she's older than you.." Mom told me.

"See?" I swallowed."You never will support me."

"Austin..is not that.." Mom defended."Both my sons love the same girl..I don't know what to do."

"Then keep out of it." I stated. But the moment I said that I regretted it.

Mom looked at me with her eyes full of tears.

"Mom..I'm sorry." I apologized."I shouldn't have said that."

I knew Mom loved Jake more and that she wanted Jayne to be with Jake.

She had her heart set on Jayne as her daughter in law.

Jake's wife.

"Mom. Don't worry." I stood up."I'll give up on Jayne."

"Really?" Mom stood up.

"For her happiness." I answered."I'll do anything."

With every word I said, the pain just dug down deeper into my heart.

"Thank you, darling." She hugged me."You will find a another girl who is for you."

"Yeah." I muttered.

"Come have breakfast now." Mom grinned delightfully.

"I'll pass." I said to her." I'm going to my room."

I went up before she could say anything. The moment I went into the room, I slammed the door shut.

Give up on her? For Jake?

What am I saying?

I want her for myself.

No one but her.

But she wants to be with Jake. Jake wants her to be with him. And Mom wants Jake and her to be together.

I took out my journal and threw it into the trash.

This was a long predicted ending.

I was just too blind not to see it.

And too foolish to go along with it.

Thinking I had the chance..

But I never did.

Right from the beginning, I already lost.