Lucky To Have Stayed Where We Have Stayed

[PART II]

"Make sure to cast me when you finally direct your first film or series," Ohm had enthused, as was his duty as a supportive best friend. He still recalls how proud he had been of his ability to pretend, when all he wanted was to cry and beg Nanon not to go. "I'm sure it'll be the bomb. Ugh, I'm getting goosebumps just from imagining it."

"That goes without saying," Nanon had replied giddily, his trademark dimples showing, and Ohm - surprise, surprise - was struck with the irrational urge to pull his friend close and kiss him senseless. Desperately, pleadingly.

Which of course he didn't do.

The rest of the impromptu send-off party (namely Chimon, Neo, Force, and Jimmy) simply continued to fantasize about Nanon's directing and producing future - even brainstormed about his debut feature film - and if they were all teary-eyed by the end of the night because it'd sunk in that Nanon was leaving, nobody said a word, because they'd all wanted it to be a happy parting.

Ironically, Ohm only realized his true feelings for Nanon after learning that he was flying out, despite having had so much time before to figure it out.

Talk about taking what you have for granted until it's gone.

He vividly remembers hating himself with a passion for being dense, and for wasting the time that he could've spent with Nanon as his significant other, if only he had recognized and admitted his feelings earlier.

(But it was probably moot anyway, because his friend actually broke free from the clutches of Pran within a year after Bad Buddy ended. The day Nanon realized it, he immediately announced proudly that he no longer felt the lingering affections of his old persona for Ohm. "I'm free!" he had declared with a wide grin while they were homebound in Ohm's car from some GMM event, leaving Ohm reeling from equal parts relief and disappointment. "Pran's finally gone. I'm just plain old Nanon again. My days of being uncontrollably soft for you are over, thank goodness.")

And unfortunately for Ohm, despite his supposedly more mature age of 26, he somehow fucked up and failed to manage his unconfessed love well when Nanon finally moved abroad. He'd suddenly become needy, wanting to talk to Nanon almost daily despite his busy schedule and the time difference, and became unreasonably possessive whenever mentions of new friends were made. That had made him and Nanon fight like never before. "What the hell is wrong with you, Ohm?" Nanon had demanded during one video call, after a near-screaming match about Nanon missing their scheduled chat because he went out with friends from film school. "Why are you acting as if we're required to talk? And I already apologized! The dinner with my classmates was unplanned and I didn't mean to forget about our appointment. Why the fuck is it such a big deal?"

"Because you barely have time for me anymore!" Ohm had screamed back and he knew it was dumb, dumb, dumb, but he was angry and hurting and didn't know how else to deal with his broken heart. "It's always them, them, them! It's like I don't matter to you anymore!"

"They're my classmates so of course I have to spend time with them! They're important connections for the future. And why should I bend over backwards to make time for you?" Nanon had smirked cruelly. "We're not a thing, Ohm. You're acting like my goddamn faen, but you're not. Are you projecting because of a recent breakup or something? Trying to control me instead because you no longer have a girlfriend to obsess about?"

That was a low blow. Ohm indeed had a long-term, non-showbiz girlfriend who broke up with him because she couldn't handle the nature of Ohm's job. That had left him in tatters, yes, but they'd been over for a year, well before Nanon's departure.

He understood why Nanon brought her up. Still, that didn't make him less mad.

"Don't make this about her," he growled. "I just hate feeling devalued by my best friend. How would you feel if you were in my shoes?"