Lucky To Have Stayed Where We Have Stayed

[PART I]

In the end, Ohm does look away, and even fidgets on top of that. "You're very welcome, I guess."

"I wasn't going to tell you so you wouldn't change how you treat me, but I'm feeling too guilty now," Nanon continues ruefully. "We're buddies after all. I don't want to do you dirty by using you like that, without you knowing."

"So now that you've told me, how do you want me to act?" Ohm mumbles, before taking his glass and knocking the alcohol back greedily. "Do you want me to stay the same and forget that you said this? Do you want me to roleplay as Pat to...I don't know, help somehow?" He takes the bottle and pours himself another helping, mind spinning, but fighting to keep up and not look as rattled as he really is.

If Nanon notices how his hand shakes, he doesn't mention it.

"Honestly, just however you want," Nanon answers, and it's almost infuriating how calm he is about all this. Meanwhile Ohm feels like combusting and like a fish out of water, not knowing how to deal with this information. "I'll adapt. If you choose to avoid me because it's awkward - I'll accept it and give you space. Maybe the heartbreak will force Pran out of me. If you remain the same, thank you. Maybe you can also help me break character this time, like how you helped me shed Pang before." Then his eyes darken. "But definitely do not act like a smitten Pat on purpose. I'm not trying to make Pran stay forever. I'm just indulging him a little so he doesn't bog me down with his angsting or whatever."

"I'm really confused though. How did you manage to live with this for so long?" Ohm asks. He doesn't try to conceal his worry. "Pat is still here somewhere, too, but I wouldn't say that he affects me as much as Pran affects you."

"For the last year or so I've been thinking like how Pran thinks," Nanon explains patiently. He thinks it's mind-boggling, how his friend's veneer doesn't crack. Ohm doesn't know whether to feel relieved or to shake Nanon by the shoulders and force him into showing his true feelings, because pretending and bottling it all up couldn't be healthy, could it? "In the beginning it was terrible. Pran's overthinking was difficult to bear. It still is, but when he and Pat finally got together in the series and overcame all their struggles? It all changed." He turns fully to face Ohm and he thinks he sees it now - the smitten gaze of someone head over heels for you. Ohm shivers.

"Seeing you and remembering everything that you've done - are able to do - for me gives me strength. Makes me very happy, too. Your kindness and laugh and mere presence fills me with so much warmth and joy and I just-" To his horror, a tear finally falls down his beloved friend's cheek. "I love you so much, Ohm."

Without even thinking about it, Ohm puts his glass down and scoots lightning-fast closer to Nanon, gathering his crying friend into a fierce embrace. "I love you too," he declares with all the conviction he could muster. "So, so much. Don't you dare think I don't feel the same way."

"Of course you don't feel the same way, this is romantic love that I'm talking about," Nanon answers nasally with a matching bonk to his head, but hugs him back anyway. "And don't you dare say otherwise just to comfort me. Like I said, it's Pran that's making me feel like this. It's not me; it's not real. You don't have to take it seriously."

How come Ohm's chest is tightening painfully in response? It's not me, it's not real, he said. That ought to be a relief. He certainly doesn't think of Nanon that way, but...

A traitorous voice inside him whispers: It wouldn't be all that bad if it were real, would it?

But instead, he says: "Whew. I'm glad you're not requiring me to be lovey dovey with you now. I love you, yes, but not enough to start calling you teerak or tua aeng or something."