healing

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"I had to get weighed every day. I hate getting weighed," I croaked out, breaking contact with Cordelia's now tearing eyes, staring at the floor.

"y/n honey I'm so sorry. I thought it would be much better for you than a mental hospital because I know how you are, being forced to eat. I knew with Dr. Staple, you'd be able to work at your own pace... a-and they have therapists."

"Well, my tube forced calories into me. And god, don't even get me started on group therapy," I scoffed, wiping a tear from my face. Cordelia just gave me an apologetic look and sighed.

"Dr. Staple said I need to weigh you. It's part of the deal for you to be home y/n. You have to at least try. You have to try to get better and cooperate, or I hate to say it but you're going back with Dr. Staple. It's either that or impatient. Which means-"

"The tube. I know." I sigh and stand up, swinging my arms. "Well, then let's get this over with shall we?" I said, making my way to Cordelia's bathroom. She followed me in and as I go to step on the scale, she stops me.

"y/n take off your sweater and shorts, please. It- it adds weight you know that."

I close my eyes and take off my boots, jean shorts, and large striped sweater, leaving me in my tights and bra. I didn't dare look at Cordelia. I just faced the opposite way as tears ran down my face.

"y/n." I took a deep breath and faced her, walking to the scale. Her eyes just saddened and filled with more tears."You don't have to look at the numbers sweetheart, it's okay." I stepped on and didn't look at first, but I couldn't help it. I knew I couldn't help it. I was three pounds less than the last time Dr. Staple weighed me a few days ago. Cordelia leaned over, checking the numbers as I bit my lip, trying not to smile. Cordelia just closed her eyes and exhaled. "O-okay- step off."
I stepped off, putting my clothes back on with a smile plastered on my face which was soon to be stopped by Cordelia. "y/n." I look back at her and she puts her hands on my shoulders. "I need you to try. For you, for Zoe, Queenie, ...for me. I don't care what it takes. I know there will be good days and there will be bad days but I will be there through all of them," she whispered, shaking her head.

I just looked at her lips and then her eyes. I swear she did the same as she stroked my arms up and down. I closed the gap between us. She started to melt into the kiss but soon pulled away.

"y/n stop."

"Oh come on Delia, you liked it not too long ago in your office," I said with a grin, hooking her waist band with my finger, pulling her towards me.

"That was a mistake y/n. You're a child."

"I'm eighteen now. I'm not a child."

"Yes, you are y/n. We can't do this. We're not doing this."

"...Fine. I'm sure it'd be like grinding against a bag of bones anyways," I said with gritted teeth and bulging tears, leaving the bathroom and slamming the door on the way out.

"y/n!" Cordelia called after me but I just rushed to my shared room with Zoe and Madison, slamming the door as hard as I could, making them jump with confusion. I flopped onto the bed and let the tears flow. I feel a dip in the bed beside me and a hand on my back.

"y/n?"

It was Zoe.

"y/n what's wrong?"

I missed her and her calming voice so much. Her older sisterly tendencies were one of my favorite things about her.

"Nothing. I'm about to get the tube again and Cordelia doesn't care. At this point I don't even fucking care," I mumbled into my pillow, sniffling. Zoe just caressed my back and then my hair.

"We'll leave you alone. Queenie and I brought your bags up for you. ...Missed you y/n."

"Wait no," I said as her and Madison were about to leave. They stopped in their tracks and turn back to me as I lift my head from my pillow and move my hair from my face. "Please stay."

They both just nodded and sat on their beds. I reached into my bag, pulled out a pack of cigarettes with my knees to my chest and light it.

"So, you guys wanna know all the fucked up shit that happened there?" I mumbled with a smirk, trying to ignite the cigarette in my mouth.

"Yeah every bit of it," Madison laughed, looking at Zoe. I go to the top of my bed and extend my leg to kick the door closed behind me until Queenie pushes it open.

"Hey!" she yelled as I almost kick the door into her face. She pushes it open, making me fall to the wooden floor with a squeal. Queenie and I just laugh as she helps me up.

"Hey, bitch. We were just about to spill the shit on y/n's adventure to the mental ward," Madison says with a smirk. I roll my eyes and look over to Madison, sitting back on the bed, crisscrossed.

"It's not a ward you fucking idiot," I scoffed taking a drag of my cigarette. "But it was definitely fucking mental."

"Tell us everything," Queenie scoffed, laying down on my bed. I lay back into her lap, taking another drag as they all listen intensely.

"Yeah." Madison started. "We're listening."