CLOSED FOR CATCH UP
NOT TAKING NEW REQUESTS AT THIS TIME
Hi guys! I have been told numerous times that I give great reviews so I decided to give this a shot!
Not only will I review your book and give you good, honest feedback and some helpful tips...
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Title: The Girl Who Hated Love
(Side note: I don't know why this picture came out smaller than the others. I am no graphics wiz, so I'm just gonna leave it. It does not do it justice.)
Cover: I actually like your cover. The font style is just right for the genre which is very ChickLit/Teen Fic, I think. Only note I have is that the Author name is a little hard to read, but I don't think it's because of font or size. I think it is placement. It is being swallowed by the title. I would move it to the very bottom of the cover. The picture itself is nice. It shows two people sitting on opposite ends of a couch. The girl is looking over at the guy, I think, and she is left in the dark. Right away you know this is a story about heartbreak. The title and the picture just tie it all together so well.
Blurb: It is a one liner. This works for your book, but it doesn't give the reader much to go on. It again reinforces the idea about this being a story of heartbreak.... giving a bit more might help readers decide if they want to take a look. Besides that, you also have a comma in this one sentence that should not be there.
Introduction: The writer begins with a small foreword titled "Part 1: The Hurt", there is a quoted saying about liking someone to the point of worship and then hating them for it. It concludes with the worst part of it being he doesn't even know. Right away you hit your readers in the feels and point out the hardest part of unreciporacted love is the fact a person could mean everything to you and they are not affected one bit, totally oblivious. You dedicate this story to all those who have experienced this hurt from either bad relationships or bad crushes or bad marriages and so on. There was a couple of typos that I corrected inline with the opening.... So it will read as:
"In which she decides to write about. She used to think he was god, someone who should be worshipped; but now she thinks of him as the devil who just wants her soul.
The worst part is: he doesn't even know."
One question: are you quoting someone or did you write this? If you wrote it, the quotation marks are unnecessary. But if you are quoting someone, you need to add their name aka cite your source.
Your true beginning to this story is in the next part titled "00: The History behind her Eyes". This chapter is a little long but it gives the reader the whole backstory behind Amara's distaste for love. She meets a young boy named Sid and they become BFF's. The whole chapter beyond their first meeting is just snapshots of them forging this bond of friendship and promising to be there for one another. The whole idea of establishing this exposition the way you did was great. I liked it. I only have two notes. In some of the "snapshots", you have Sid and Amara immediately talking back and forth but without dialogue tags, I had no idea who was talking to whom. Next, the first scene of them meeting had a beautiful nostalgic feel to the atmosphere you created BUT I wish I knew why those two were alone at that park and I wish I knew why he was crying. Even if you don't explicitly say it then and there... I wish you answered those questions in the second or third chapter. Instead I am six chapters in and I still don't understand how they met or what was going on.... Other than that and the general grammar mistakes that you have sprinkled throughout all six chapters (which I will address below), I have nothing else to say there.
