~ A Flicker On The Page ~ (A collection of drafts and short stories)

The Bridge

I don't know why I kept walking that night. I don't know why I followed him. For a long time it was silent, not even his footsteps made a noise as he paced through the night, the silhouette of his shoulders only disturbed by the sway of unkempt hair. We walked for so long I thought the sun would soon break the tops of buildings. But the night remained, cold and still and charged with a tension that kept my blood pulsing through my frozen limbs. That empty bridge seemed to stretch on forever, the arching metal beams enclosing me, trapping me. My breath came out in pale wisps, my numb hands reaching out to brush against the beams that rose up again and again. When he finally turned, it was not with anger, not with raised fists or angry red tears in his dark eyes. Instead it was with such a stillness I did not even register it for a moment. With such suddenness I could not comprehend why. He stared at me almost blankly for a moment, his eyes so dark even in the reflection of the far away city lights. And for once in my life, I could not understand what he was thinking, I could not feel what he felt. I'd always thought him a simple creature, one full of animalistic desires and honest rage. But now I could grasp nothing at all, and a sudden, cold and dreadful thought washed through me. What if I didn't know him at all?

I didn't realize my feet had stopped moving. I didn't realize my arms had fell limp at my sides, or that I'd be staring up at him in unconcealed awe. But he realized, he did.

"You look so innocent right now Aki" he said, his voice too soft, too calm and mocking.

I couldn't speak. My mouth had gone dry, the night chill had sucked the words out of my very skin. I only stared. I didn't know what was going to happen, but dread flooded through me all the same. Who was I looking at? Who was this boy in front of me?

Suddenly his hands gripped me, tight, unrelenting, deadly. His fingers dug into my shoulders so hard I thought I might scream. His gaze suddenly so hard I couldn't breathe. It was like he was fixed on me, targeting me, as if the whole world had narrowed down onto the animal within his grasp. And now I felt a new kind of fear, one I had never felt before. I had always run and hid from him, I was used to living in the shadows, crawling into boxes and cupboards and anywhere that concealed me. But it was not the fear I felt then, it was not the racing adrenaline and animalistic flight. He was not blind with rage this time, he had not lost any part of himself. No, this was him, and perhaps himself was the most dangerous thing of all.

He held me even tighter, pulling me closer. I couldn't resist, my feet stumbled forward. He turned, gazing out at the water beyond the bridge, his hair falling around the skeletal curve of his shadowed face. I tried to search his gaze, the way his lips rested, his jaw lay, his shoulders stood. But I could find nothing, nothing at all.

"Tell me Aki" he said, cold, ever so cold, "why was it...that you always stayed with me? Even when I gave you the chance to leave, practically threw you out the door...you never did".

"Because I-" my voice was hoarse, a broken whisper, and yet it sounded alien to me, as though it was not me speaking the words, "I could not leave...the only thing I had ever known".

He grinned at that. A slow, cruel grin that crept across his face as though my words were the most pitiful thing he'd ever heard. And perhaps they were, perhaps they truly were.

"You were almost lovable at times Aki" he sighed, turning back to me, staring at me like I was nothing more than a dog, "naive, innocent, sweet, and ever so gullible. Like a sad little puppy that just kept crawling back to me. Can you really blame me Aki? After all you're the one who decided to stay...I did warn you".

"Warn...me..."

I couldn't understand, but somehow the words made my body feel like it was made of nothing more than silk.

"Oh sweet Aki" he grinned, eyes wide, pulling me closer, "perhaps I truly did love you. Remember that, won't you?".

Remember...that?

It happened too quick to see, too quick to feel, too quick to understand. One minute my bare feet were placed firmly on the coarse stone of the bridge, the next only air ran through them. One moment I'd felt his hands firm on my shoulders, the next they were slipping from my skin. I couldn't understand, but it was far too late for understanding. The ground lurched from beneath me, the arching metal frame that had once enclosed me flashed past. The sky seemed to curve around me, replacing the image of the boy I had thought I'd known. Stars and city lights and my own flailing hands flashed around me. The air whirled past so hard I thought my ears would explode. I didnt know which way the ground was anymore.

That was until I turned. My body suddenly lurched downwards, the air folding around me. The sky was behind me now, the water in front. The waves churned in front of me like a sea of shadows, the mocking lights of the stars glimmering on their surfaces. Was he back there? Watching? Watching me fall? His last words echoed in my head "Perhaps I really did love you". Had he? Had he really? It was the only thing I hadn't ever been able to believe. And now as I fell to my end, something in me did believe it. Is it possible to love somebody so much you cause their end? Is that what love truly is? He asked me why I kept coming back, I said it was because it was all i'd ever known. But in truth...it was more than that...I wanted to come back, I wanted to feel the adrenaline and pain. I liked when his eyes flashed with rage and his body shook with the intensity of his fury. It was a fascinating thing for me, seeing somebody so consumed by their own self. And perhaps it was like my mother had always told me, "we grow to love the things that hurt us the most". But now as my body plummeted further and further towards the dark waves, all I could think of was that look in his eyes, the one I couldnt understand. If that had really been him...then I hadnt truly known him at all. Perhaps...just perhaps...we had both been pretending. And if that was true, then the boy i'd crawled to time and time again, had never really been there at all.

And so just like his mask had broken that night, mine broke too. Only far too late, far, far too late. I hit the waters before I could have another thought, my body breaking as the impact shuddered through every bone. I could not remember it, never felt the first touch of the waves. But I felt my body sink down, felt the blackness around me, felt the cold seep into my broken flesh. And somehow, as the last of myself faded away, a smile came to my lips, and I laughed as the water filled my lungs, never to breathe again.