As Much As You

"Normal"

"What's wrong with her? Why doesn't she remember me?" Casey said with tears in her eyes, as she stood facing the doctor.

The doctor sighed. "Brain injuries can be unpredictable. The swelling can cause impairments like confusion, mood swings, and memory loss. It's normal. All we can do is give it time right now. Try to be patient."

"Patient? She doesn't know me!" Casey walked away, sinking to the floor with her head on her knees. How could this happen? Why was this happening to them?

If she doesn't remember me, how can she remember that she was in love with me? What happens if she doesn't want to be with me anymore? Casey thought to herself as she cried quietly into into her knees.

She wandered back into Izzie's room after awhile, not sure where else to go. She sat in the chair besides Izzie's bed, and after about forty minutes found herself drifting off.

"Hey." Casey woke with a start at the sound of Izzie's quiet voice. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you, Casey? Right? That's your name?" Izzie said softly as she stared into Casey's large brown eyes.

Casey cleared her throat, trying to swallow the lump that was forming there. "Uh yeah. I'm Casey." She replied slowly.

"Are we friends?" Izzie asked with a tilt of her head.

"Not exactly, well yeah, I mean we are friends, but we're more than that." Casey said with a deep breath.

"How so?" Izzie said looking confused.

"We've been in a romantic relationship for five years Iz." Casey said trying to hold back the tears in her eyes at Izzie's stunned expression.

"What? But I'm not gay. I'm dating Nate!" Izzie said, clearly confused.

"You were when we met. A bit over six years ago." Casey said, trying to remain patient.

"Wait, how old am I?" Izzie said, sounding confused again, clearly struggling to wrap her mind around all the new information.

"Twenty one, twenty two in a few months." Casey said softly.

Izzie got really quiet, staring out the window trying to absorb all the information.

"For me, yesterday I was fifteen, in high school, and dating Nate. Now you're telling me I'm almost twenty two and gay? Dating you? Am I in college?" Izzie said as she scrunched up her brow.

"Yeah, we go to UCLA together. We just came home for Christmas break. Then the accident happened, and I couldn't leave with you." Casey said softly, staring at her hands, because Izzie looking at her like a stranger was breaking her heart.

Izzie was quiet again. Finally after nearly twenty minutes of silence she spoke again.

"This is a lot to take in Casey. I need to be alone for awhile. Do you mind coming back tomorrow?" Izzie said quietly.

Casey nodded. She didn't know what else to do, so she stood up slowly and walked out the door, to head back to Elsa's for the night. She hoped that Izzie hadn't seen the tears in her eyes as she was leaving.

Izzie did see the tears in Casey's eyes, but they only confused her more. The love and despair written all over Casey's face was mind boggling. How could someone she didn't even remember love her that much?

How had she lost almost six years of her life?

When did she start liking girls? She had never thought she was gay before. Sure, Nate annoyed her, but don't most boyfriends?

And yeah, she'd always found women attractive, but lots of women thought other women were beautiful, it doesn't make her gay. Does it?

Izzie closed her eyes tightly, and tried to will the last six years of her life to come back to her.

It was a fruitless effort though. She eventually fell asleep, but all her dreams, and all her memories, were those of a fifteen year old girl in high school.

In her old room, Casey tossed and turned all night. She couldn't get past the way Izzie had looked at her. Like she was a stranger. She knew it wasn't Izzie's fault, but she was so afraid.

Afraid that Izzie would never remember her. That she wouldn't love her anymore. That the best six years of her life wouldn't be remembered by the love of her life.

She got up to pace, feeling to restless to sleep. A half hour later, she heard a soft knock on her door.

She opened it to see Sam standing there. "What?" She said irritated by the interruption to her anxious pacing.

"You're making a lot of noise. Are you upset about Izzie?" Sam said.

"Yes. Of course I am. She doesn't know me anymore. What am I going to do? What if she never remembers me?" Casey said, her voice starting to break.

Sam stared at her curiously. "It's obvious, isn't it?" He said with a tilt of his head.

"What's obvious Sam?" Casey said with no small amount of irritation.

"You just have to do what you did before again. Make her fall in love with you again. Only this time you aren't dating Evan, so it's better. You can start your relationship over basically." Sam said matter of factly as if this was the most obvious answer in the world.

Casey paused her restless pacing and stared at her brother. "Ya know, that's actually pretty damn smart Sam." She said scratching her chin.

"Of course it is. I'm very smart." Sam said simply before turning to leave.