Love made Visible

L. I need to know.

That's a first, she usually smiles. What do you expect she'll greet you enthusiastically after you told her to stop? Fair point. I shouldn't feel hurt nor sad for this is what I wanted. I felt a bit of a pang in my chest.

Manager unnie fetch us and we went back to the hotel. It turns out she bought bread which she waited since it's freshly baked. She ate already while waiting. She also bought beers and chips.

We gathered at the living area and decided to just sit at the carpet. We started to drink. I'm not much of a drinker but I felt the need to drink tonight. Sana handed me my medicine box so I could drink something for my allergy.

I'm thankful Sana and Momo was there. Their goofiness overshadows the silent war between us. We just chatted and laughed the whole night. Occasionally I could see her glancing my way but shifting her gaze whenever I look at her.

Surprisingly, the beer tasted different for me today. I kind of liked it. I drank more than my usual and I noticed Chaeng drank a lot too.

Sana: I'm glad that Mina ran into you, it's been a while since we've seen you. How have you been?

Chaeng glanced at me before she answered

Chaeng: uhm. I got a lot of projects after completing your agency's building. So I've been busy. I've been doing new stuff too, I came back on running, I'm into hiking and camping now.

Momo: Ooh camping, Jeongyeon have been asking for us to camp one day. You can join us if we ever decided to.

Chaeng: Yeah, sure that'll be great.

Sana: I bet in those, was it 2 years, you've dated a lot or do you already have someone?

Sana seems like enjoying putting Chaeng on the spotlight. I catched Chaeng looked at me again before answering.

Chaeng: I had a couple of dates but none captured my attention.

She looked at me straight in my eyes when she said that. I remembered our conversation before. Her asking me if it's possible that no one has captured my attention yet?

Momo: are you like Nayeon unnie, very picky on guys... or girls.

Momo added the girls in an adorable way that made us all laugh at her.

Chaeng: maybe

Sana: or you already have eyes on someone just unable to pursue THAT Someone.

Sana looked at me when she said the last part. I stared back at her with a what-are-you-saying look. She just shrugged her shoulders and shifted her gaze at Chaeng.

I noticed the color rising on Chaeng's cheeks.

Chaeng: Maybe. It's hard considering it's just one sided.

Sana: Maybe you just don't know yet how THAT person truly feels.

Ugghh! Sana!

Chaeng: That's the thing, THAT person told me to stop yet didn't tell me why. Always leaves me hanging.

Momo: Did you even asked?

Oh no not you too Momo! I noticed Chaeng didn't answer right away. She took a long sip of her beer, took a glance at me before answering.

Chaeng: I guess no need to ask, THAT person already made it clear.

Sana: That's unfair. That person should explain make things clear.

Me: Maybe that person have a deep reason not to explain it.

I said without thinking. I averted my gaze now looking at my beer. Then Chaeng spoke which I failed to control myself not to look at her. Her eyes shows confusion.

Chaeng: If so why not just tell me, it's not like I wouldn't get it. I would understand if THAT person have said I'm not her or his type.

Me: Maybe you're not the real reason why she acted like that.

Chaeng: So it's okay to hurt someone even if it's not her fault? Just left me hanging on something I'd forever be confused about?

That struck me. It was selfish yes. To hurt her and leave her hanging, not explaining things.

Sana and Momo was staring at us then looked at each other as if realizing something.

Sana: I think you two should talk it out. Lay everything in the open.

Chaeng: What's the use? I guess I'm not that valuable for that person to just cast me aside for the 2nd time.

Ouch. That struck me and pierced me deep. I can't believe she's thinking that way.

Me: I'm sure that person doesn't think you're not valuable.

Chaeng: Then why let me go? Why not just keep me and just be friends.

Me: Maybe staying as friends would complicate it more further.

Chaeng: That's the thing, I don't even know why it will complicate things. I don't even know the reason.

Sana: Exactly! Why not just tell her.

Me: I can't!

I suddenly blurted out without even thinking first, forgetting that they're not directly talking about me. Think Mina or else they'll figure it out that it's you Chaeng was talking about.

Me: I... I mean. I... I can't finish my beer anymore. I'm tired. I... I'll go wash up.

I suddenly stood. Went straight to my room closing the door headed straight to the bed. I felt like something's choking me. That something's tightening my airways making it harder for me to breathe. I thought of the terrace so I stood and made my way there. Halfway through the door suddenly opened revealing Chaeng who was red in the face. She closed the door and went straight to me holding both my arms.

Chaeng: I had enough. Enough of you leaving me hanging.

Me: What are you saying? I guess you drank too much already.

Chaeng: I'm still sober. Don't change the subject. Tell me what's the reason you want me to stop. I need to know.

Me: Chaeng. Stop. You're drunk.

I tried to let myself out of her grip but she held on tight then pushed me backwards until my back reached the beam.

I was shocked on what she did but my heart fell seeing her head bent low.

Chaeng: I... The last 2 years were torture. Emotionally I was stuck, stuck at the memories of you.

Chaeng said her voice shaking which sounded like she's crying. She then lifted her head revealing her tear soaked face.

Chaeng: Please, I need to know.

I felt like my heart was shot a hundred times. It was painful to see her at that state. The usual bubbly, dimple-smiling face now looks miserable and I'm the reason why. As much as I want to but she must not know.

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Author's note:

As I was writing this I felt Mina and Chaeyoung's pain. Since she's a bit drunk she showed how emotionally vulnerable she became because of what Mina said. Please don't hate Mina, You'll soon know why.

On a different topic, Gosh! Mina dancing to 132 is so hot (in a respectful way). The way she dances sends out the 'Main Dancer vibes'. So graceful, so sexy, so on point and elegant too. 🥰