My dull eyes and expressionless face stared back at me through the mirror.
No feelings. Just silence in the bathroom. Yet I was still screaming on the inside. I wonder when someone will notice? I may be dead by then.
"Ivy? Are you okay?"
I broke eye contact with myself. Turning to face the girl beside me. I didn't even know her name. She was in my class, as far as I was aware.
"I'm Fray." She smiled. As if reading my mind.
The strange name tickled my lips. She gave off a somewhat purple mood.
I tilted my head to the right.
She looked somewhat understanding. "Are you tired?"
I brushed past her, aiming to leave the bathroom, but she tugged at my sleeve, and I stopped.
"You can talk to me if you like." She said, smiling pitifully.
I shook my head.
"Ivy-," she began.
I left the bathroom and into the bustling halls of my school. People chatted and laughed. I felt at ease and fit in, yet when someone attempted to talk to me, I shut down. Whenever I wish for help, I push away at the slightest hint of it.
I can only talk normally in my dreams. I have countless, like an endless amount of practice. Like I was trying to ripple the surface of my abilities.
The bell rang and I wandered off to class. Before I could even step into the classroom, the principal's voice rang through the halls.
"Ivy Bloom and Martin Green to my office, please."
I stopped, confused for a moment. Yesterday I'd been in trouble for ignoring my basketball coach. I hadn't handed in my homework either. My school didn't usually care about small instances like these, but whenever it came to me, it was a problem.
Making my way to the office, Martin, my classmate came up next to me.
"Hey Ivy, do you know why the principal wants to see us?"
When I didn't reply he tapped my shoulder. "Hello? Can you hear me?"
I felt like shoving him into a wall but dug my fingernails into my palms to stop myself from doing so.
"What are you? Mute?"
Bile rose up my throat. I walked faster. I wasn't mute. I just didn't like talking to people.
As we approached the principal's room, Martin ran ahead and opened the door for me and he smiled as if expecting a thank you. I suppose he was.
"Ivy. Martin. Sit down please." Principal Dale said. Her tone was low and almost depressed.
"What's this about?" Martin asked sitting down in the chair beside me.
Principal Dale licked her dry lips. "Ivy." She turned to me. "Have you received any calls or contact from your family today?"
I swallowed, shaking my head.
"Martin? How about you?"
"No..." Martin said slowly. "Is something wrong?"
"I just got a call from the police. There's been an accident."
Martin seemed to freeze. "Is my mother okay? Is she-,"
"Martin, I'm sorry."
"Wait really? Is she..." Martin paused. "dead?" I could hear the tremble and terror in his voice. "My mother?"
The air suddenly felt heavy. I wanted to leave.
I clasped my hands together tightly. I didn't want to be here. Why was I even here? I stood up to leave.
"Ivy. Sit down. I'm not finished." Principal Dale ordered.
I obeyed her reluctantly.
"Your mother is in custody. The police caught trying to escape the country."
I opened my mouth. Wanting to speak.
Martin said it before I could. "Why was she running?"
"For charges of murd-"
I stood up. My chair squeaking loudly, I shook my head.
"Ivy-," Principal Dale began.
I fumbled to open the door, my hands shaking. Then I started to run. My footsteps were loud in the empty corridor and rippled like water in the silent air. I barely knew where I was running to. In my head, I counted to ten to keep myself sane.
One, two, three four, five, six, seven-.
"Stop running in the halls!" a teacher ordered. I ran right past him and up the stairs. Bursting through the door and onto the rooftop, I took a breath of fresh air and closed my eyes. I liked this moment. This wasn't a dream. It was real. These feelings I'm having now are true.
My mother had finally done it. I never thought she'd do something this bad. She'd always had that odd look in her eyes. She was always thinking about something to do. Inside her, contained a type of red anger that no one but I had seen. Either she blamed me or saw right through me. I was a transparent wall to her.
She didn't make my heart flutter with happiness anymore. Only dread.
It's hard to think she finally did it. Took the step no one else could. Even though she'd never called it murder, inside she knew it was. She was only trying to trick herself.
I couldn't help her anymore. Now all I had to protect was myself. How could she have done this? How could someone I came to love take two lives at the exact same time? An innocent person and her own life.
And how could someone with a name like Rainbow end up like this? I suppose it was fate. Turns out her heart wasn't as colourful as she always said it was.
The blue that bloomed inside of her didn't shine in a good way.
Now she'd been caught.
Opening my eyes, I walked to the edge of the rooftop. I didn't look down just looked at my hands. I wonder if I could ever do something like she did one day. Unless I wouldn't be able to. It didn't have to ever happen. I could make sure of that.
I could fall and have a longer dream. One that maybe would never end. I began counting again, this time out loud.
"One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven."
I stopped. Remember the promise I'd made to myself. If I ever got to eleven, I wouldn't do whatever I was going to do. So far that hadn't happened. As I was about to continue, the roof door opened and I spun around.
Martin stood on the roof, out of breath, his face red. "Your mother killed my mother."
Oh my god.
Martin filled the small gap between us. "Your mother is a cold-blooded killer."
I wanted to tell him I already knew but the words weren't coming out. Don't say it again. I silently pleaded.
He realized why I was standing so close to the edge of the roof and sneered. "Are you going to jump? Maybe you should. It would do us all a favour."
I nodded. He could read my mind. Maybe someone finally understood me.
I shook my head to rid it of the thought.
"Don't make me say eleven," I said. Then clapped my hand over my mouth. In doing so, I lost my balance and felt the ground beneath me vanish. I reached out my hand. Not reaching for Martin. For my mother.
I'm sorry I couldn't save you, mama.
