The lost hope

The Heartbreak

A heartbreak is a heartbreak. Just because you never saw the person or just because the person is good, doesn't mean your heart doesn't break. It is the situation which happens and you can't simply force your heart out of it.

It so happened that Sam's family had been looking out for potential marraige proposals. As he just graduated a few months ago, the marraige idea felt too sudden for him. Then one fine day, his parents said they found a girl. Showed him a picture( which he didn't see at first) and said that he has to marry her no matter what.

He is 22 years old and marraige for a guy at that age seems to be a push. How is he going to be an adult who takes care of his wife? All his friends are busy with their jobs or businesses. And here he is, without any job or work to do just hanging out like today is the last day of his life.

At first he thought which girl would like to marry him looking at his messy attitude. I do want to marry him at this state, but that's another scenario. We loved each other.

Before I came forward and asked him that we could tell about our love to our parents. He said this marraige will be cancelled. Don't worry. He was so confident, I trusted him.

However, when the situation came. When he talked to her and spent time with her as their families forced for it. The situation was much different. Latha was a girl still studying her engineering from a remote college. She is from a village background, but my god she's cunning. Having had her family land and wealth, she has an attitude of "I can do shit and nobody is going to say anything." I am not judging anyone here. But her upbringing was much different, she has caste feeling, everyone from her friends to the people she talks to are all from her caste. But in the end, she is beautiful, she is a girl and Sam is a boy. That's what I was secretly concerned about. What if he actually likes her? What if she lures him to love him? Though love doesn't work that way, I was afraid of it, especially because Sam and I actually never met. We only talk.

Everyday he would call me and talk about everything in his life, I talk about mine. But these days after Latha came into the picture, it is always about her. He tried to avoid her, but she keeps popping up. He tried talking to his parents, but nobody in the family listens. He tried telling Latha that he has a girlfriend. But she bluntly says that cancelling marraige is not possible, he has to get along and leave his girlfriend for good. After listening to this, I was furious. Till then I tried to be compassionate and understand her situation as a girl. But seeing how she bluntly ignored Sam's statements, not bothering about how he is feeling. Ignoring and acting like everything will be fine if she acts like everything is fine. Good lord, I hated it everytime he talked about her.

He blocks her, she finds other way to talk. She calls his mom or sister and says she wants to talk to him. He tried to avoid to meet her, she forces herself to his room.

Which kind of girlfriend wouldn't be jealous of this ? Which girlfriend would accept it and be patient? I tried my best. But one fine day, Sam tried to make fun of the situation. He, in his frustrated state, wanted to take the situation in a lite manner. So that he is calm and finds some simple solution. He said, "Why don't you too talk to me in such a sweet manner?" .

That was it. That was the point upto which I could take to hear her name. I forgot how playful Sam can be. I just felt so awful, that she came to our love life, ruining it. I shouted at Sam, "You talk to her only then. Don't talk to me!"

He didn't get that I was angry, he thought I would cool down. He said, "okay okay cool down, I was just kidding."

But I felt like he only said that because he felt I was angry. I thought deep down he felt Latha was attractive as well. I felt he wanted to be with her, that he enjoyed being with her. My heart broke. I was angry about everything. I was angry on why he persuaded me to try and make things work. I was angry why he lied to me that he doesn't like her. I was angry why he insists to talk to be everyday like this. I was angry for having feelings for him.

It was so blurry. I don't remember what exactly I talked. But I did make sure my words hit his heart. I said in the end, "don't talk to me anymore!"

Maybe I should have left it when I was hurt. Why hurt the person I love? I don't know. I don't know why I felt like he was cheating on me. I should have trusted that he was doing his best as well.

Then he was so hurt from what I talked. His head was blank. He did not understand exactly what was happening. He just felt I won't ever talk to him again. That hurt him. He kept working hard to avoid Latha, he fought with his parents and friends. He had meaningless conversations with many just to hide our relationship. And what just happened? There is no relation anymore. There is not one person who would know we had a boyfriend/girlfriend if we broke up. No one would know we are in pain, we had to continue our lives like it's normal. His heart broke. He shouted at his mom, he shouted at Latha. He got drunk at home and then made a big fuss in home. Blocked Latha on Whatsapp, calls, etc. It was like he blocked literally everything in his life.

What did I think? I thought he is going to accept it. Then be happy with Latha. But something else entirely happened.

Just after a day of not texting or calling him. I realised what the hell I did. I started to scold myself whats wrong with me. I said sorry to him. I said I regretted it. I also begged him.

He said he understands. But he was too disturbed both at home and also in his head. He didn't know how to talk with me like before. He didn't feel like joking around with me anymore.

So I asked him, "so, are we back? Are we together?"

He has only one thing to say, "🙏 I don't want get involved with girls anymore."

My heart cried.

I did not know how to undo. I was lost. I tried telling people the situation, but not one person gets how hurt he was. Not one person understand how he lost his mind the second he knew he lost me. All I could ask him was to continue talking to me. It was how we built our relationship, I was hoping it will fix us as well. But he asked me to give him two days. Said he had something to do and needs a clear head.