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A Missing Portion of Jonathan's Life: Robyn Sinclair

Robyn Sinclair was the embodiment of what Jonathan Crane hated and stayed away from. The woman was energetic, colorful, playful, and popular. He especially hated the popular part. She was popular amongst staff and students alike. However, she was also a bit of a mess; she always had paint on her, whether it be on her hands, her face, or even her hair. She was beautiful. Jonathan Crane supposed she was like every other preppy woman. He vowed to hate Robyn the moment he met her.

He adored her.

Jonathan couldn't help but like her, even if it was only a little. Even though she was everything he despised, the moment she began to talk to him, his adoration grew. And he was almost certain it was because she reminded him of Amber Connery.

It started with small words when they passed in the hall. He'd be going to his psychology class and her to her art class. Soon she came to his classroom during free periods to talk with him. Jonathan would admit this surprised him. Women like Robyn Sinclair didn't want to spend time with him.

Amber had, though.

He soon found himself craving Robyn's visits. He wouldn't say much, but that didn't seem to bother Robyn. She'd perch on the corner of his desk as he graded papers and talk. Jonathan learned she was from Kansas and had always longed to be a teacher. He'd learned how much she loved art, so much it was like she required it to cope with life. He'd learned about her failed relationships. He'd learned how broken this colorful girl actually was. He'd learned how much he cared.

He cursed himself the day he realized how much he loved her. As much as he could, anyway.

Jonathan would never say this to her, of course. He was not a stupid man. He was ugly, while Robyn was beautiful. He was temperamental and cold while Robyn was easy-going and warm. He only wanted to be with her because she reminded him of Amber. No, Jonathan would not tell Robyn anything.

Yet a part of him longed for her. When she perched on his desk, he would catch himself staring at her legs. He loved her legs, always clad in tights with an outrageously colored skirt covering her thighs that he longed to touch. When she threw her head back to laugh, her red hair seemed to catch any light present. He longed to run his fingers through her silky hair. When she smiled at him, his world lit up. He longed to press his rough lips against her smooth ones. He longed to hold her close to him.

Because he never could with Amber.

Jonathan opened up to her. He told her of his life in Georgia, of his abusive grandmother, of the bullying. But he refused to tell her about Amber. He wasn't ready when she flung herself at him. He wasn't ready for Robyn to latch onto him, her arms tight around his middle. He wasn't ready for her tears. He listened to her soft cries as she apologized. For what, he didn't know. Jonathan noticed how comically short she was compared to his lanky frame. He never wanted her to let go.

If he looked down and only saw red, he could imagine it was Amber instead.

Robyn came to him crying and wet and cold one Thursday morning. Jonathan felt the need to comfort her. Without a second thought, he drew her to him. He didn't care that his suit was now damp. All he wanted was for the woman in his arms to smile. He didn't make her talk. He let her cry into his chest. He whispered words of comfort to her. She never did tell him what happened.

It was much later he realized he thought Robyn was Amber coming for comfort after something her father had done.

One day, she asked about his relationships. She was so open about hers. Jonathan wasn't ready to admit anything about Amber. So he told her about Sherry Squires. He told her about his crush and their brief relationship, which had only been part of a plan to humiliate him. Robyn told him he was too good for Sherry, anyway. Jonathan asked about one of her relationships, any of them. She said they were all the same; she'd meet a boy, and he'd cheat on her. Jonathan repeated the same words Robyn used. She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

Jonathan hadn't meant to ask her. Robyn had been sitting on his desk, as he'd been grading a recent paper. She'd been swinging her legs in an oh-so-distracting way. Not that he found it annoying-he could never find her annoying-but distracting in the way it caused him to glance at her legs. An hour passed and Robyn had been about to leave. And he asked her on a date. He had almost taken it back. But she smiled and said yes.

His asking had nothing to do with Amber.

That's what he told himself.

The evening had been rather nice. But she had been more so. She had met him at a small cafe she had mentioned she'd enjoyed. Jonathan thought her beautiful before when she had worn her usual teaching attire, but at the moment he could find no words to describe her. Robyn had pulled her hair back to expose her slender neck. She wore a casual but still nice blue dress that went just past her knees. He thought she looked like a goddess dressed the way she was. At the end of their date, she brought him down to her level and kissed his cheek. This time, when she smiled, it could be seen in her eyes. And for the first time in a very long while, Jonathan Crane allowed the smallest of smiles to grace his features.

Robyn began to stay longer. She'd wait for him until the late hours of the evening when he would finally leave. She would allow Jonathan to put an arm around her as he walked her to her car. He wanted to pull her closer, but something kept him from doing it. It didn't seem to bother her.

The first time he kissed her, really kissed her, was in the university's library. Robyn had been searching for an art history book and Jonathan had been pulling various psychology books off the shelves. He'd found the one she'd been looking for on the top of the shelves. Jonathan pulled it out for her and when he handed it to her, she smiled. He couldn't help himself. Her smile made him do things he didn't necessarily want to. She was warm where he was lacking heat.

He was right about her lips. They were incredibly smooth.

Robyn had been the first to say 'I love you'. They had been in Robyn's classroom this time. Something had angered her, but what Jonathan didn't know. He watched as she threw paint at a canvas, ranting at the same time about what she thought was wrong with her life. Jonathan listened to every word she said. Then Robyn turned to him, hands covered in blue paint. Except you, she'd said. You're the best thing I've ever had. Then Robyn said the three little words. Three words Jonathan wasn't sure he'd ever be able to say back. When he didn't say them back, Robyn simply smiled and went to clean her hands.

Robyn knew about Jonathan's so-called obsession with fear. He'd spoken endless times about it when she was with him. It didn't seem to bother her. Not like it had bothered Amber. He had asked her about her own fears and once she'd told him. Jonathan had discovered her fear of being abandoned and alone. He supposed that would make sense, given her history. Then she'd asked him what he was afraid of. He told her he wasn't afraid of anything. She laughed and kissed him.

He cut it short, because Amber's face flashed in his mind. He didn't miss the pained look that briefly flashed on her face and an even briefer look of fear. Jonathan wanted to see that look again.

The next week, Robyn didn't come in to teach. The college declared her missing.

Jonathan was content to be alone again.

He didn't miss red hair or hazel eyes at all.

Did Robyn have hazel eyes?

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A/N: A one shot concerning the Robyn brought up in the previous chapter. Includes minimal editing and an Amber Connery knock-off (sort of). Please enjoy as Jonathan quickly recounts the brief relationship with this woman.