Cigarettes in the Snow

It will go away if I ignore it enough.

Ranboo smiled. Maybe- Maybe things were getting better. Maybe he was worrying for nothing. Maybe, it was all okay. He felt a warm glimmer of hope in his heart, looking at the small boy next to him. He looked... peaceful, for once. It was going to be a difficult journey, but he was willing to help them both get through this.

It wasn't him. It wasn't him. It wasn't him. It wasn't his fault! He wanted to keep his smile, but it fell as doubt voiced in his brain until it was all he could hear. It was because of Tommy's- Tommy's- his... It wasn't him. It wasn't that he was a bad husband. He wasn't, he was good. He left him alone and respected him. He... He-... It wasn't his fault.

This was the first time he had ever sincerely doubted his role as a supportive husband, and he quickly realized he couldn't handle straining his mind of the subject. He got out of bed to find something to distract himself, before he knew it, he was holding a pan over the stove.

—

They finished breakfast, Tubbo seemed to be doing better, kinda- He seemed happier, very excited about seeing Tommy, it was all he talked about. Ranboo knew Tubbo was avoiding his feelings about how the whole, situation, affected him. He was going to distract himself until he couldn't ignore it anymore. The tall boy feared when that day would come, but when it did, he made sure Tubbo knew he'd be there.

"I'm gonna go to Tommy's now!" A light smile appeared across his face.

"Okay! I'm going to drop Micheal off at Phil's, I'll meet you at the Inn?" Ranboo questioned.

"Mhm." And before he knew it, Tubbo had already left.

Ranboo sighed, Tubbo was digging himself a hole he most definitely could not crawl out of, and what if the hole was too deep to where even the most loving and caring of hands could not grasp the heart-struck little boy huddled in the bottom of the deep, dark cavern? What then? He winced at the thought, eyelids falling with a soft heaviness to them.

Ranboo would help him.

—

Heavy footsteps landed on the oak wood that paved the land, before hitting the dirt in front of an all too familiar house. Tommy's dirt hut was exactly the same as he remembered, except the lawn was littered with colorful flowers. He was desperate for this visit, it had only been a few hours, but it was the only thing ringing in his mind.

His hand hit the door, with a light knock.

No answer.

No. No- Tubbo wasn't going to wait for this, he had waited all night. He knocked again, louder this time.

No answer.

Tubbo winced as he opened the door and invited himself in.

"Tommy?" He walked over to the center of the room. It was quiet, peaceful. The short boy made his way to Tommy's bedroom door and opened it with no hesitation. He was done waiting.

Tommy flinched at the sound of someone entering his room, sighing in relief once he realized it was his best friend.

"O-Oh hey- Sorry I wasn't expecting you this early."  Tommy was sitting on his bed, his hair was messy and he was still in his pajamas, he must have just woken up.

"It's fine. Do you um-" Tubbo felt an army of guilt march into his lungs, making him pause. He only came to Tommy to get something from him. He even peer pressured him into getting the shit. He was using him. Of course. Of course, he would use his best friend. Of course, it would be him. Of course, it would be the tyrant. Of course- Of course- Of course- Of course.