another pretty december | b.e

sixteen

I look down at her hands and see my baby in her hand.

I didn't mean for her to find that.

"that's my lamby"

"lamby?" she questions, her voice small and broken.

I know she's sensitive right now so I need to be gentle, especially because im led in bed with her.

"yeah, she makes me feel better when im feeling sad. give her a cuddle, she'll look after you"

"are you sure?"

I nod my head and smile "look after her, okay?"

"thank you" she whispers, tucking her head back into my chest and cradling my lamby in her hands.

I hold billie close and stroke her hair and it's not long before her soft snores are brushing against my skin.

she's so soft and sensitive right now and honestly im so confused as to whats going on with her.

why is this the second night she's crying and wanting to cuddle me in bed?

why am I letting her?

why do I like it?

I need to talk to her tomorrow morning when I wake up because honestly, all of this confusion is making my head hurt. 

I mean, why does she keep crying?

I want to ask her but as long as she knows im here for her if she ever needs to talk.

whenever she's ready.

but part of me also wants to keep this the way it is.

because what happens if I talk to her and everything goes back to the way it was?

what happens if it gets better?

my head is swimming with thoughts as I drift off to sleep.

when I wake back up again, billie is laid right ontop of me, her head resting on my chest, her arms wrapped around me. 

I lie there for a moment, her body a comforting weight ontop of mine. 

her room is still lit with a bright blue so I glance around to locate the remote but while im laid flat on my back, I can't find it.

I keep lying here for a moment, listening to billie's breathing and lightly running my fingers through her hair, which is a little knotty from her movements in her sleep. 

I wonder what it would be like to date billie.

to wake up every morning like this. 

to make her laugh.

to make her smile.

to make her cum.

okay stop.

 am not getting myself worked up when she's breathing into my neck.

when she's got no pants on. 

december stop thinking about her legs!

"what are you doing?" 

I realise im running my fingers up and down her bare thigh under the sheets.

"sorry" I move my hand and billie groans, rolling away from me.

"sorry for sleeping on you" billie grumbles, wiping her eyes and reaching beside her, changing the lights from blue back to normal lights. 

"it's okay baby, it's not like it's the first time" I laugh a little and billie rolls her eyes, turning to face me.

"we're not gonna talk about that"

"we're not?" I raise my brow at her and she huffs, flopping back onto the bed.

"look, I don't like sleeping alone, okay? I don't wanna talk about it"

"im not pressuring you to talk about anything billie, please know that. if you want me to sleep with you every night, I will do"

"and you'd be okay with that?"

"I wouldn't offer if I didn't ask"

"im hungry" billie doesn't say nothing more, climbing out of bed and walking out of the room, closing her bedroom door behind her. 

I guess that's the end of that.

lil cute n sad billie :(