wrong move

-154-

after lunch we decided to buy the things that i need to my condo. i bought new vacuum cleaner, a vanity table and some decors that i need. i also bought new sheets and new throw pillows.

noong matapos doon ay sinamahan ko naman si jungwon sa gucci dahil kailangan daw nya ng mga bagong working attire dahil wala na daw syang masuot. sosyal, naka gucci. it is not that hindi ko kayang bumili because i earn my own money now, mag-aamoy semento lang naman ang gucci nya. i chuckled with that thought. aasarin ko pala sya mamaya.

"love, what do you think is better?" nakaupo lang ako sa couch habang busy sya sa pag pili. may itinaas syang dalwang attire. sa kanan ay kulay grey na suit, samantalang sa kabila naman ay black na may details.

"kung ikaw ang magsu-suot, parehas naman" i answered him. totoo naman. he can effortlessly pull off anything. kahit ako, hehe charot.

"i'll buy these two na lang" saad nya doon sa staff, "you should try it first" he did just shrugged and sat next to me. isinandal nya ang ulo sa balikat ko. nakakahiya naman 'to.

"how about you? may gusto ka ba? i'll buy you anything" 

"tunog sugar daddy ka dyan" natatawang saad ko. "libre ko na nga, edi wag ka. salamat na lang sa lahat. kilalanin mo binangga mo" nagtatampong sabi nya. alam kong najo joke lang naman sya, tinawanan ko lang sya. 

he was sulking while paying for his bills. tinatawanan ko pa din sya. mukhang gusto pa magpasuyo, bahala ka dyan.

we went outside the store. "love, bagay sayo yun oh" turo nya doon sa dress na naka display sa chanel store. "hindi naman" i just shrugged. manonood na kami ng movie. 

"promise, bagay talaga sayo.. try mo lang" pagpupumilit nya. he really want to buy me something huh. "inuuto mo lang ako." he scoffed

"hindi ah, totoo naman. pero ikaw bahala kung magpapauto ka" hinampas ko tuloy ang braso nya dahil sa sinabi nya. he laughed at me. "come on, just try it for me"

hinila na nya ako papasok sa loob ng store. he talked to the staff while my eyes was fixed on the dress. it was a black satin dress na sleeveless at may pa-ekis na details sa likod. the back was too low din. it is so elegant. pero.. hindi bagay sakin.

"try it, love" saad ni won. "i can't.. i can't wear that kind of dress anymore, sayang lang won.. tara na" he looked at me. he looks so worried. parang natauhan din naman sya.

"i am sorry.. i am sorry, love" nginitian ko lang sya to reassure him."tara na" pag-aya ko sa kanya palabas. "okay lang won," para kasing ang dami nya biglang iniisip.

"i am sorry, i made you uncomfortable.."

"no.. kung bibilhin mo kasi masasayang lang dahil hindi ko din naman masusuot... we can look for another dress if you want" he nodded. "i'm sorry" paguulit na naman nya. sinamaan ko sya ng tingin kaya natawa na sya.

"we'll look for another one, hindi din the secrets ang tela.. pangit yun" saad nya, he even whispered the last part. "i agree, let's go" we went to the cinema. di ko alam kung anong panonoorin namin. basta sabi nya rom-com daw.

"i'll buy us popcorns, pumila ka na lang dyan" he said. "okay, i want caramel and iced tea please, and fries! can you buy us chips din?" 

"mukbang ba ang gagawin mo sa loob?" kinurot ko sya dahil ang dami pa nyang sinasabi. "aray! oo na, wait for me" i nodded on him and just scrolled on my phone. i also uploaded our selca that we took earlier  on my ig story.

i was just smiling on the memes on the internet while waiting for him.

"se..sena?" 

"ye-" i was frozen on my position when i heard her call my name. tinitigan ko pa sya ng mabuti kung sya nga iyon pero hindi naman ako pwedeng magkamali...

she was looking at me carefully, hawak nya ang braso ko at hindi ko man lang mabawi sa kanya. those touch brings so many memories inside me. and i can not believe that looking at her can make me feel easily in pain. 

habol ko ang hininga ko habang tinititigan sya, "i'm sorry.." she whispered. it as if that sorry can easily make everything right. it as if that sorey can make the bad memories fade. anger started to build in my body.

"d-don't touch me" inalis ko ang hawak nya sa braso ko. "sena, please let me explain.." the what?! 

"stop it, please just leave.. z-zane" i haven't say that name for years. and saying it now.. i want to vomit. 

"i'm sorry... but can we-" she was about to touch me, agad akong nagpanic at hinampas ang kamay nya. napalakas ata dahil i heard how she groaned in pain. i was about to say sorry but jungwon came calling my name. "sena," he reached my hand and he looked at zane. 

"what happened, hmm?" he sweetly asked me. "what did you do?" agad na tanong nya kay zane noong hindi ako makasagot sa kanya.

"i.. i have to go, i am sorry" zane looked at me one more time with her apologetic eyes. habol ko ang hininga noong makaalis ito. jungwon immediately hugged me kahit na ang dami nyang dala.

"i am here.. don't worry.. i am here, sena" he was brushing my back to calm me down. it helped me a lot. 

it's really hard, the process, looking at her again after so many years... i don't know if i can still go on.