Training the Team (Dougie Hamilton)

Dougie, Meet Bella

"Kylie, how very rude of you," Bella says good-naturedly as she sits down on her bed, folding her legs underneath her. I sit down next to her and point at the chair across from us for Dougie. 

He hesitates, seeming awkward, not sure what to do, and I don't blame him. 

Bella fixes him in her hazel gaze, clearly ready to ask some questions. "So, Dougie, how do you like Boston?" She asks, looking at him attentively. 

"I love it here. It's very different from where I grew up, but I love the city and the organization and even the people." 

Bella nods, reading much further into him than I could've. 

"You're intimidated by me, aren't you," she says simply, not asking a question but rather stating a fact. 

Dougie blinks, not expecting her statement. "I- somewhat, yes." 

Bella gives him a smile.  "Don't be. Don't fear hospitals and death and sickness, because even while they are negative parts of life, they are still parts of life. I just happen to live in what is usually a 'negative' part." 

Dougie nods, digesting her insight. "Can- can I ask you a question?" 

"Sure." 

"What do you do all day? How do you keep yourself entertained?" 

"I read, write, think, sometimes watch TV or a movie, talk with the nurses or doctors who come to check on me, and watch the city outside. It's actually an enjoyable day." 

"I could never do that. I wouldn't be able to sit still long enough." 

"It is easier than you might think, Dougie." 

"Can I ask another question?" 

"Of course." 

"You don't have to answer this but- what is living like this like? You don't have to answer, I understand completely if you don't." 

I tense. This could be risky territory. 

Bella senses my tension and places her hand over mine, calming me, all the while keeping her eyes on Dougie's. 

"It is extremely tiring, both physically and mentally. Physically, my body has periods of time where it attacks itself and all I can do is sleep and hope that it goes away soon, otherwise it can get scary and nasty. Mentally, I have to face the fact that my death is coming closer with every second that ticks by on the clock, and I can tell you, that is not an easy thought. You aren't sure about what will happen in a day. Some days, like today, are better than others. Other days, I can't even sit up from bed. I've had this presence of disease over me for 10 years now, and I've learned to live with it, the same way you adjusted to being away from home or Kylie is adjusting to her new job. There are times when you hate it so, but you can't change it, so you have to make do with what you've got. Living like this is like constantly playing a game of cards: you take the cards you're dealt, make the best of them, and keep a smile on your face the whole time, even if you lose first. Living like this is constantly recognizing fear, but refusing to do anything about it. Living like this is finding the strength to go on in your heart and in your soul and through the people you love and who love you back. Living like this is not something I would wish on anyone, but it is not the worst that can happen." 

Dougie seems blown away by Bella, and I feel a surge of pride for my sister. "You're very brave, Bella. I wish I had your strength and insight." 

Bella smiles. "Days alone will give that to you. And do not dismiss yourself so quickly in my presence, Dougie. You are also quite brave. Kylie has told me about your fear of heights and how you overcame it."