Random pieces I have written

#2

((Note: May delete this later, but don't know what to even title this. It's honestly a lot to take in just as I read through my piece of dumping my thoughts and stuff onto my laptop. This feels personal and sincere as I hope for good outcome(s) at this point in life. I felt like leaving a simple music playlist video I have been listening to and adding a picture of a quote that I came across recently since I felt like this was really relatable to me and my life as well as this piece))

These past few days have been filled with hundreds of thoughts, mostly of my future and what life may bring me as we are steering into the new year. A portion of my thoughts just bothering me as I just wish to in someway bring it up to someone willing to listen. A loyal confidant and best friend who's promised many times to keep things amongst one another, away from the watchful eyes and ears of those in our lives wanting to know what's in store to happen next eventually or never. My only loyal confidant at the moment being a furry feline friend who all they'll do is purr away and nap on my lap as they beg for love and a play mate as she paws at the loose threads of my desk chair.

Constantly I've tried to write my mind onto paper, just afraid of the response it may earn, the fear of facing the negative outcome being the only thing I fear as I try to maintain hope for a positive outcome in verbalizing the truth of my thoughts, the things that I've kept to myself lately as I try to play out the various ways sharing these thoughts could go. Why do I have to feel this way over something that one may consider stupid to be scared of. Quite honestly, I feel as if love can be a scary thing in my life, never knowing if all will go well, or if it will all go down to shit, leaving me heartbroken wondering to myself if I am not meant to be loved by another person (other than my family who care and love me for me and want what's best for me in life as I grow). 

Questioning myself daily as to why I'm feeling my heart race at the thought of a person, feeling nervous when trying to start up a conversation, a simple hello and how their day has been. Just to see how they're doing, nothing more nothing less. Wondering how we came across one another after so long apart. My loyal confidant jokingly saying manifestation as they joke of the many times this person was brought up at random times, just jokingly as we hypothesized the odds of talking again and stuff, thinking of how things this time round would be slow burn. I honestly shook my head at that as I agreed to this thought of how the person we spoke of and myself crossed paths again. It's feels silly but we can always have hope in good things to come our way. 

I genuinely wonder to myself how things would go, trying to gain the confidence to speak up about my thoughts and so forth, but for now I just sit down and try to sort out my thoughts in the best way I can through writing. Only hoping for the positive outcome in my choices as time goes by. Genuinely not feeling as if I am doing the right thing by keeping quiet and hiding my thoughts away from someone who is certainly unaware of my thoughts and all as I keep quiet out of fear of what they might say, just sensing the outcome may not be good for some reason, even though I don't know what may happen if I remain quiet. 

I'll just stop wallowing in my thoughts and hope for the best honestly. Hoping that positivity is what I face most now and not so much negative. Signing off for the night as I just listen to music and try to relax from pondering so much on the outcomes of confronting about my thoughts and feelings to my loyal confidant and to the person being the portion of my thoughts bothering me at the moment.