Marcel turning Harry. L.S

20. Confessions

"Listen Lou, I'm not going anywhere, as much as I flinched away, I have never felt safer in my life than I have done since I moved in here, since I started hanging out with you again. Sure, you and Zayn did some damage, but the biggest damage was caused by my dad. So if you'll still have me, I would feel the safest here, and would love to stay."

"Yeah... Yeah of course you can stay. I- I just hate myself for what I did to you, I hate that I stopped knowing you." He bursted out in tears again and I pulled my hands resting on his face around his neck, and pulled him in for a tight hug. He held on to my shirt for dear life, and I didn't mind. Just waiting for him to get it all out before at least trying to ease his pain a bit. Both of our pain.

And as soon as I heard the sobs turn into sniffles, I pulled away a bit to be able to look him in the eyes. But still holding on to him. "How about this, sure we haven't known each other for the past couple years, so let's change that. Let's get to know each other again, starting from a blank page. Trying to forget all the bad parts, ending that chapter, and starting a new one"

"As much as I want to start a new chapter, I would just like to get back the old me. The old Louis that would poke you dimples on a daily basis. Your friend that had his own toothbrush at your place. I just want that Louis back." I smiled at all the good memories I had with Louis. Our weekly FIFA tournaments with Niall. Weekly dinners with both families present. Daily talks about everything and nothing. The treehouse we found in the woods by the lake.

"I would like that too, but I'm fully on board to get to meet an upgraded version of that lovely boy" he lets out a little watery laugh and we finally let go of each other. Both of taking a seat on the bed and taking a big breath.

"I actually know the day I lost myself" He suddenly said, and of all the things he could have said, what came next shocked me. "We had changed classes, and this new guy, Zayn, was a part of my class, while you and Niall had all your classes together. I was so sad at first, not getting to joke around about the teachers, and classmates with my two best friends. So I took a seat farthest back and was visibly sad, until Zayn took a seat besides me and said something in the lines of 'I would also be that depressed if I had spent my whole childhood in a school with green walls' And it made me laugh. I had always liked out walls, sure they were odd, but something made me cherish them a lot" And I nodded along, agreeing that our ridiculous walls had some charm to them. Louis took a breath before continuing.

"Before I even looked at him, I tough that this class may not be that boring. But the second I laid eyes on him, I new it wouldn't be boring. Here beside me sat this handsome boy with brown eyes, boring into my soul. There was no doubt in my mind that he was very attractive and that I had a crush."

"YOU had a crush on ZAYN?" I asked shocked. He lets out a laugh

"Yeah, it was bad"

"Didn't you question it at all. Sorry. You don't have to answer that"

"No I didn't. I went through all the questioning of my sexuality when I as a kid fell for my curly best friend" He smiles, and I wanted to kill myself because what the fuck. How did I not notice Louis liking me, when I for sure liked him as a kid.

"You did not! You're kidding me right? I was a big mess, back then, with even bigger glasses" I laugh nervously. But the second he smiles back the tension out of the room again.

"You did have big glasses then, didn't you?"

"Yeah I did" we smile at each other of a couple seconds before he returned to his story.

"I saw people falling in, what I thought was love, right and left. Even Niall got together with Evelyn around then. So I gathered some strength to confess my crush to Zayn, what could go wrong?" I hold my breath for the next part, already knowing I won't like it.

"He laughed at me. He wouldn't stop laughing and making fun of me..." My heart broke for the young Louis trying to find what we all were desperately looking for, love.
"... He started to mention how desperate I was for you, and that even you didn't want him. And according to him, you were the lowest of lows." He looks at me with a sad face but I just shrug it off, kind of expecting it. "So he manipulated me for weeks to let go of my crushes on boys, and even set up a date with El. And since then, I have dated El, and tried repressing all my other emotions. He turned my anger towards myself, into hatred towards you, resulting in all the fucked up shit we did to you. So you are right, me and El have never been in love. And the person I was during those years, was a person who hated himself so much. But I'm done with that." With a blurry vision I swallow down the lump in my throat.

"Im sorry for what you went through. But I'm proud of you for recognizing everything that went wrong"

"Im sorry for everything we put you through Harry"

"How about we forgive everyone who wronged us, including our own mistakes and ourselves. For our own sake, and others sake. You had your reasons, Zayn had his, and I have mine. Wouldn't life be a lot easier if we finally forgave everyone fully and wholeheartedly"

"Yeah. That would be nice. Let's try that" He answers after a couple seconds. Looking in my eyes with such a genuine look that I almost melted to the floor right then and there.

"Let's do that" I smile back.

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AN: Happy new year guys!