Go To Girl

Chapter 25

Author's Note:
Coming to a close on this story!
Only one more chapter left!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I got home, I was glad to see Kimber still wasn't home yet. I quickly went into the bathroom and peeled off my clothes and threw them in the trash. I didn't ever want to look at them again. I climbed in the shower and turned the water on as hot as I could tolerate and cried as I scrubbed myself clean.
When I finally got out of the shower my whole body was red, but I didn't care. I ached all over. I dried myself off, threw on some pajamas and crawled back into bed and cried myself back to sleep.

FLASHBACK

It was the middle of September 2010.
Drake and I had stayed together after I had broken my arm. My arm had healed nicely, thankfully.
I was on my way to work, when at the last minute I decided to call in and go over and surprise Drake with breakfast.
I let myself in, and went in the kitchen to set the food down. The whole house was quiet.
I smiled as I approached the stairs, thinking of ways to wake him up.
When I reached the doorway to his bedroom, I smiled again seeing him lying there sleeping. As I approached the bed, I noticed he wasn't sleeping alone. Asleep next to him, was a brunette girl.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" I cried.
"River go back to bed," he mumbled, and rolled over.
"No," I cried, and pulled the blanket off of him. He was wearing only his boxers. "Get the fuck up!"
"What is going on?" the brunette said, waking up. She looked at me and froze.
"Come on, Drake," I said, loudly. "Don't you want to introduce me to your friend?"
"What the hell are you-" he started, sitting up and looking around. He saw me standing there and the girl in the bed next to him. "Fuck!"
"Nah," I said, bitterly. "I think ya'll did that already."
"Shouldn't you be at work?" he asked me, standing up and pulling on his pajama pants.
"I called in," I said. "Thought I'd surprise you; bring you breakfast and see if you wanted to go to Disney. Turns out I'm the one who's surprised."
"River," he started, coming over to me.
"Just don't," I said, backing toward the door. "I'm done. We're done."
I turned and walked out of the bedroom. My eyes were burning with tears. I walked down the stairs; I had learned my lesson. He followed me, and grabbed my arm as he reached the bottom step.
"River," he said. "I don't even remember what happened last night."
"Yeah," I said, shaking my head. "Like I'm really supposed to believe that? Maybe
she roofied you?"
"That's not what I meant," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "I just had too much to drink. I didn't know you were coming over this morning."
"Oh yeah," I cried. "This is my fault, for calling off work today. Had I known you were going to be in bed with yet another tramp, I would've went to work."
"No," he said. "Shit. I'm not saying this right. I just fucked up."
"You're pretty good at that," I growled, and pulled my arm out of his hand.
He hung his head down, "Yeah, I am."
"There's food in the kitchen," I said, bitterly. "Maybe your new friend is hungry. I don't have an appetite anymore, and I'd hate to see it go to waste. Goodbye."
"Please, don't go," he begged, trying to take me in his arms. "I am sorry."
"Sorry doesn't cut it," I said, pulling away from him. "I'm done with the apologies. I'm done with the excuses. I'm done with the lies. I'm done with you!"
I turned and walked out the door.

I woke up to knocking on my bedroom door.
"River?" I heard Kimber say.
"Yeah?" I answered, still groggy.
She opened the door and came in the bedroom. I pulled the blanket up to my chin, in hopes of hiding my battle wounds from the night before.
"You okay?" she asked.
"Yeah," I nodded. "Just not feeling that well."
"You didn't even drink that much last night?" she questioned, sitting on my bed, next to me. She felt my forehead. "You do feel a little warm. I hope you're not getting sick."
"I hope not either," I said, sullenly.
"I wish that's all it was," I thought to myself.
"Well get out from under this comforter," she said, standing and trying to pull it off me. "And go take a cool bath, that'll help reduce your temperature."
"No," I said, holding onto the blanket. "I'm fine."
"Who's the nurse here?" she asked, and pulled the blanket harder, pulling it off me.
I closed my eyes, when I heard her gasp.
"What the hell happened to you?"
I felt vulnerable and exposed.
I grabbed the blanket from her and pulled it back over me, and started crying.
"I don't want to talk about it," I said, burying my face in my pillow.
She sat down on the bed next to me, and put her hand on my shoulder.
"River," she said, softly. "You need to tell me what happened. Were you raped?
I shook my head, "No, just leave me alone."
"Talk to me," she said. "I'm your best friend. You know you can tell me anything."
I started crying even harder, and then I told her what had happened.
"I feel awful, Kimber," I sobbed. "How could I do this? Just when I'm on the verge of getting everything I ever wanted?"
"It doesn't sound like you meant to do it," she said, thoughtfully.
"Oh yeah," I cried. "Just like Drake never meant to do it in the past, right?"
"No," she said, shaking her head. "Something doesn't add up. You've never blacked out from drinking before, even when you've had way more than you should. And I know you, even if you could remember what happened, you would have never allowed all this to happen willingly. I know you like it a little rough, but this is beyond anything I've ever seen before. You really should let me look at those scratches."
She pulled the blanket back and looked at my arm.
"It's fine," I said, shaking her hand away. "What are you saying?"
"You only had like two drinks at AV," she said. "And you only remember having one drink at Bootsy's right?"
"Right," I said. "But that doesn't mean I didn't drink more?"
"No," she said. "It doesn't, you're right. But I know you better than that. You aren't going to get that crazy with someone you don't completely trust."
"But Charlie's a nice guy," I said. "We went on a few dates before I got back together with Drake."
"But you still don't really know the guy," she pointed out. "It sounds to me like you were drugged. You should go in to the hospital and get tests done. They can do a rape kit and check your system for anything."
"There's no point in a rape kit," I said. "I already took a shower."
"They can still get you checked out," she argued. "You were brutalized. And they can still do a tox screen."
I finally agreed to let her take me to the hospital.

After being poked, and prodded, and questioned for what seemed like hours, they finally let Kimber take me home. The results from tox screen would take several weeks to be returned. The police, who had been called while I was being looked at, were going to Charlie's to talk to him. I was terrified.
"I didn't want all this," I cried to Kimber, on our way home. "I just want to forget this ever happened."
"River," she said, taking my hand. "I've seen this plenty of times before. This is the best way to recovery."
"I don't even know what to tell Drake," I said, wiping the tears off my cheeks.
"I already called him," she said. "He's flying in tonight."
"What?" I cried. "How could you? What about his album? I don't want him to see me like this. What if I wasn't drugged?"
"Even if you weren't drugged," she said, matter of factly. "You were still too inebriated for it to be consensual. Look at you for Christ's sake!"
I pulled my flannel shirt closer to my body, and crossed my arms over my chest.
"He needs to see you like this," she continued. "Once he does, he's going to know the truth, just like I do."
I hung my head down, shamefully, and we rode the rest of the way home in silence.
When we got back to the apartment, I climbed straight into bed. I hugged my pillow close to me, and cried myself back to sleep.

FLASHBACK

It was July 2003. Two days before my 17th birthday. Drake and I had just gotten back to my mom's from the airport, after he flew in to New York. She opted not to go pick him up this time, declaring she just had "too much work."
I didn't care. I was glad to have the time with Drake, to ourselves.
The minute we closed the door, we began making out. We made our way to my bedroom, and began removing each others clothes.
We laid in bed when we had finished, just holding each other.
"When is your mom supposed to be home?" he asked, playing with a strand of my hair.
"No clue," I replied. "But I'm guessing not until after 11 p.m."
"Good," he said, smiling. "I have you all to myself for a few hours."
"Mmhmm," I murmured.
"I am so happy to have you back in my arms," he said, squeezing me to him.
"I am so happy to be back in your arms," I said, and kissed him.
"Don't ever leave me, k?"
"Never," I promised. "I love you too much for that."
"I love you, too," he said, and yawned. I laid my head back on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. It was hypnotizing and soon we both drifted off to sleep.