𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛. 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 & 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐬.

SPN Cast Imagine

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - reasons to stay 

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - mentions of suicidal thoughts/tendencies, tears, possible swear word or two, maybe more, depression, angst, comfort 

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - kameron mcknight didn't want to die, she just didn't want to live, until she remembered the song she wrote years ago called "reasons to stay" only to remember that her supernatural cast was her only reason as to why she stayed. this will show some flashbacks of her toughest moments but also moments where she was happy before showing the world her happiest moment as her biggest "reason to stay" 

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - some flashbacks in italics will be used so the lyrics of the song by kate vogel will be in bold italics. i am aware this song was released in twenty-nineteen but, we/i don't know the year/years it took for her to write the song so i'm saying that kameron, my original character, wrote the song and that it's her song. 

- - - 

i've been driving around here in this town, know it like the back of my hand

It was all Kameron McKnight could do with her time now that Supernatural was on hiatus between Seasons 10 & 11, just drive. She'd drive all over Canada, not just Vancouver and, she'd be gone for so many days at a time that all of her friends (Jared, Jensen and Misha mostly) were always worried that the next time they'd hear from her would be from a hospital bed. For years they'd been worried about their costar in the same way they worried about Jared when he had his breakdown in Season Three that led to his diagnosis of depression onset. It worried them, Jared, most especially, that the same thing that happened to him would happen to Kameron. The girl enjoyed the late-night drives she'd take herself on after shooting on location in Vancouver, whilst she loved to pretend it cleared her head, it really only gave her fake scenarios in her head of when Jared was first teaching her how to drive when she was happy and wasn't on the verge of wanting to kill herself but, she still truly loved how she'd drive with her windows down and the loud music blaring through the highways as she sang as loudly as she wanted to without being yelled at to shut up. It gave her an escape to the escape that was Nikolina, her character on Supernatural. 

i've been dreaming of ways, ways to get out, put myself in a box that i'd never be, someone i'm proud of you see.

She constantly dreamt of ways to get out, to put herself in a box that she, as Kameron McKnight would never be. For a while, she did consider Nikolina Bradbury, Charlie Bradbury's adopted sister as the box that she'd never be but, as the seasons of Supernatural went on, it seemed as if Nikolina was turning into Kameron. Sitting in her car, she contemplated if she could go back to the bridge, the bridge that she tried jumping off of that one night after a late-night shoot on set before getting caught, saved by Jared and Jensen after stopping herself the first time. At the time, she didn't want to be saved, being aggressive to the two J's that they should have just let her jump but, looking back it now, nearly four years later, she just wanted to jump to see if she could feel, and be proud of the person she saw in front of her. 

 here i am, on this bridge facing defeat, i'm just doing the best i can

This was the first time that she would try but, ultimately allow herself to live for one more day. There she stood, swaying with the dangerously strong winds as she sat with her legs swinging back and forth over a bridge over a small, shallow lake during the Canadian Winter with just a crop top and sweatpants keeping her "warm".  She was slightly shocked that she hadn't slipped nor let herself drop all those meters down into the lake where, almost instantly, she'd maybe snap her neck on the rocks if she planned it precisely and then drowned herself with the little to no water that filled that lake. However, something, she couldn't understand what but, something was stopping her from just "accidentally" slipping off of the bridge's rails. Maybe the thing stopping her from just straight-up jumping was the fact that, the person to find her could be an innocent teenager who was just simply trying to take photos of the location only to find a decaying, dead body of a suicidal person, or that it could be Jared and Jensen or someone else from the cast of Supernatural that found her dead body. Or the fact that if she did jump without thinking that if she were to, later on, survive somehow, that she would regret it because she found a reason to stay the second she jump or fell. So, that made Kameron's decision for the night, she wasn't going to jump or "fall" off but she was going to stay sitting on the rails as she flailed her legs calmly back and forth against the bridge. Waiting to be caught by Jared and Jensen and have their first argument in nearly four years for the utter fear and panic that she had put the two men through as they had been looking for her the entire night before they had finally found her sitting on the bridge's ledge ever so calmly.