Breaking the Silence

Twelve

Trudging to my room, it's just then that I realize my backpack is still in the gym locker. Whoops. Sighing, I climb into my bed and slowly, painfully lower myself to the pillow. Closing my eyes, I was out like a light.

That night wasn't bad. Jack had to wake me up, which understandably earned me a few beats. When he was done with it, I was able to go cook an easy meal, clean up the kitchen, and crawl right back to bed. This time I was able to sleep the whole night and thankfully, my body naturally woke me up on time.

Moving around today was somewhat better than yesterday. I was incredibly sore, and my wrist was still unusable, but my rib cage and my face felt mostly okay. Last nights beating wasn't as bad as it could've been.

Homeroom passed in a blur, but it was odd because Jaycee wasn't blabbering my ear off per usual. In fact, she was missing completely from the class. My eyes never left her empty desk most of the period, I was just confused. Sure the others came and went from classes as they pleased, but Jaycee? I'd never think she'd be one of them!

I was so lost in thought I hadn't noticed the room had cleared out. Well, almost.

"Missing your friend?" A voice asked, and I snapped up with wide eyes. Standing in front of my desk was a lanky, raven haired girl dotted with freckles. Her dark eyes bore into mine and I gulped.

Her voice wasn't being friendly at all, it was completely sneering. "Maybe she got sick of pitying you, huh? Gave up trying to get you to utter a sound?"

I blinked at her, stunned. Where was she coming from? What did she know about Jaycee? Or me? Why did she even care?

"Look," she continued, "you're a nobody, meant to be a nobody, and will always be a nobody. Stop trying to pretend." She turned on her heel, letting her friends that trailed her get a good glare or snarky comment in before they all disappeared out the door into the hall.

I was stunned motionless, my back straight as a board and my eyes stayed unblinking, staring at the spot they had been standing in. I didn't understand what that was all about. I'd never met them, never noticed any previous glares or unkind looks. Why the sudden urge to come hit me on the head with a boulder of words?

Finally, after who knows how long, I was able to tear my gaze away and I slowly picked myself off the seat. Stiffly forcing my legs to cooperate, I headed out to my next class. I was late, but either the teacher didn't notice or didn't care. Either way, I was relieved and I slipped into my seat quietly.

The class passed somewhat smoothly. I got called on once, for which I could only stare and pinch myself to keep from crying. Eventually the teacher grumbled something and moved on.

When the bell rang, I was out of my seat as fast as my fragile bones could carry me. I made it to civics early, and waited to see if Sydney would be there. She wasn't.

I spent lunch sitting in the bathroom, and I may have even fallen asleep. I was avoiding anyone and everyone, although Jaycee and Sydney both being gone today struck me strange. In fact, Cole wasn't in Math next, and Jaycee didn't show up to English either. An unexpected, and unwelcome pang hit my heart as I trailed out of class towards the double doors at the entrance of the school. No one was there, and I should be relieved. Why was I worried? I couldn't be worried, that meant I cared, and I couldn't care. Caring led to friendships and friendships always ended in disaster.

I tugged on my left sleeve, trying to keep both the anxiety I felt and the throbbing of my wrist at bay. I scuffled through the doorways, wedged between students rushing to get to their cars or the bus. When I got outside, and the crowd thinned, I nearly halted in my tracks and tripped on a crack in the sidewalk.

In the corner of the school's lawn stood everyone I knew that had skipped classes. Jaycee and the guy that freaked me out stood in the front. Their stance told me I should be cautious, but their faces were laced in pure concern, to the point I wanted to hug them.

No! I didn't want to hug them. I still don't know them enough; I need to be wary, stay distant.

Scary Guy lifted his hand and I noticed he had my backpack hanging from a finger. Oh no, I needed that; they knew I needed that. I was stuck. I couldn't run this time, I needed to stop doing that. I needed to face my problems, like I did at home. I could promise myself whatever was about to go down here was a lot better than what went down behind the closed door of my house.

I slowly took a couple steps closer, but no farther. Jaycee's eyes trailed down to my left side, where I was keeping my arm bent and sitting at my hip. Instinctively, I straightened my elbow to show nothing was wrong. That backfired and I nearly shrieked it hurt so bad. As much as I didn't want to, I had to bring it back to my hip to keep the blood flow level or I was going to burst into tears.

It hadn't hurt that bad this morning, but after a long day sitting at a desk and bumping into students in the halls, every nerve had intensified. Jaycee raised her eyebrows and I avoided her eyes.

"Eirenae, please stop doing this to yourself," she pleaded desperately. "You're hurt, and you come to school that way every day. You don't have to tell us why, but please come with us and let us help you!"

I start shaking my head, keeping myself in denial as long as I can. Maybe that's stupid, maybe they can help, but what if everything gets worse? If Jack ever found me, I'd surely be dead on the spot. The thought of Jack hunting me down terrified me!

Cole stepped out from behind Scary Guy, who surprisingly hadn't uttered a word. Cole's face was soft, inviting. It made me want to curl in a ball and sob in his arms. "Eirenae, please, you have to trust we would never hurt you. I know that's hard, especially with what I can see you go through. But you need to let yourself heal, away from whatever is going on." He was persuasive, almost more than Jaycee. Maybe it was his face and the gentleness in his eyes, but I wanted to believe him, go with him.

My wrist started throbbing again, and I grip my shirt sleeve again, biting back the pain as hard as I could. Scary Guy noticed, and his hands twitched, as if he were holding himself back from something. I also noticed he forcefully kept his face soft, probably so I wouldn't run off again. And he had my bag.

I stood there, and they waited, for a long time. I hadn't eaten today, and my legs were starting to shake from being on them. I looked down at the ground, knowing how weak I was. I needed them, I knew that, they knew that. Why didn't I just admit it to myself? They could help me; they could save me.

Jaycee slowly reached her hand out, and I looked at it, feeling my knees shake as I take a step. Quite dramatically, I swear they were all holding their breath. I focused on my legs, getting them to listen. Apparently they were only strong enough for four steps, because I was about five feet from Jaycee and Cole when my leg buckled and I literally crumpled.

It was a short second of humiliation before I was completely blinded by the knife-pain to my wrist. I barely heard myself scream and someone else shout my name before it all became silence, as if my head went underwater.