Pirouette [h.s.]

chapter 28

Wordlessly, I turned to Luna, her face as pale as I'm sure mine was. I forced the tears back, letting my eyes glaze over. No more emotion.

"Fifi..." she started, but I didn't pay any attention.

Instead, I turned around and worked my way inside, letting the water skim across the tips of my exposed toes. I couldn't be bothered to try to move my foot; to avoid letting the cast get wet. It didn't matter. None of it fucking mattered.

In something of a daze, I made my way to the couch, dropping back onto it while I watched the water flood into my apartment. Incessantly flowing through the busted ceiling and covering any expansive space it could find. Luna must have gone deeper into the space to collect some things because, before I knew it, she was wading back through the small pool that was becoming my apartment with two duffel bags stuffed full.

"Fifi, c'mon." her tough love tone came out, bleeding pain into my chest, "You're not sitting here while your apartment floods. We're going to my place and you're going to stay with me. Understood?" It wasn't up for debate. The words were set into stone before they even left her lips.

I thought, for a brief moment, to ask if she grabbed the sweatpants Harry left at my place for when he stayed over, but it hurt too much to think about so I let it drift into the clouds. Instead, I shuffled to my feet, resisting the urge to unleash all of my pent up feelings with a swift kick to the coffee table.

We learned later on that day that there was a water main break in the apartment complex. Mine flooded the worst, probably due to the leak that was already letting water in. But, now I was staying at Luna's...indefinitely. They weren't sure when they'd be done with repairs from the water damage and she refused to let me spend my pity money at some hotel.

The one and only saving grace has been the fact that Golden Gate Ballet Company is still going to pay me for the time I would have been performing. Joseph called, about three days after the nightmare, concern filling his voice. Pitying. I wouldn't let myself get mad about the pity, considering that I would still be receiving a paycheck, but I wanted nothing more than to tell him to fuck off.

Maybe if he'd never sought me out, I wouldn't be fucking hurt right now. I could still be dancing and performing and I wouldn't be stuck here with a bright pink fucking cast on my foot. I wouldn't be thinking of how to get my fucking job back at Dino's once the Sleeping Beauty shows are over. None of this would be a goddamn problem if Joseph didn't fucking see me on that stage. If I didn't fall into Lacey's little game and perform my choreography for the rest of the world to see. I would be dancing and working and I wouldn't be relying on my best friend to survive.

...I just want to dance...

Luna and I always used to talk about living together - how fun it would be to share the same space. Drink in each other's energy. I'd have the moon at my side; the whole fucking night sky in my home.

She can read my ebbs and flows. She knows when to back off; when to give me space and disappear behind the clouds with Tate; when to roll through, bright and shining. Even when I refuse to let myself cry, she knows I want to and comes to cuddle up next to me on the couch, always so careful of my leg propped up in front of us. She just...understands. All of my unspoken thoughts she reads like marquee signs. It's been nice to spend time with her, but I feel trapped. Caged in. Fighting against the metal bars of an enclosure, trying desperately to escape.

I was rummaging through the bags of stuff she grabbed from my apartment to put things away, and my heart fell into my stomach when the shiny silver met my eye. I hadn't worn the blueberry ring the night of the show because I didn't want it to get lost. It's the only piece of jewelry Luna grabbed from my apartment. It quickly found its home back on my finger. She'd also picked up the familiar grey sweatpants, which I hadn't changed out of for a week, wanting nothing more than to melt into them. To sink into Harry's scent. Bathe in it. The only reason I changed at all is because Luna refused to drive me to my physical therapy consultation today if I didn't take a shower.