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FOR BEATRICE
MY LOVE FOR YOU SHALL LIVE FOREVER
YOU, HOWEVER, DID NOT
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"WOE IS ME. Woe is me." The cry you are hearing is that of the broken-hearted crocodile. It is a crocodile species that is found in swampy regions that are particularly sad. My name is Lemony Snicket and it is my sworn duty to carefully research the dire plight of the Baudelaire and Silvers orphans, but there is no reason to make yourself as miserable and melancholy as I am. If I were you, I would look away before viewing any of the horrible and horrifying events that comprise this ghastly new episode in the Baudelaire's and the Silvers' unfortunate lives.
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"It's a brand new episode in your lives, children. In a few minutes you'll be meeting your new guardian, Doctor Montgomery. He's your closest living relative and apparently should have been your guardian all along, according to your deceased parents will. I'm beginning to think it was a mistake to listen to that oddly-dressed consultant who walked into my office with no references and no identification, and who suggested that I place you in Count Olaf's care."
Melody and Matthew sat in Mr. Poe's car with the Baudelaire's, staring blankly upon the foolish banker. "My sister, my friends and I wholeheartedly agree." Matthew replied as he rolled his eyes.
"You're a disgrace to your profession." Sunny babbled, stating the obvious.
"My recently-rehired secretary Jacquelyn is nervous that Count Olaf is still at large, but I don't think Olaf will be able to find you way out here. Oh, look, there's an easy-to-read sign for Lousy Lane." The children exchanged uneasy looks.
The Baudelaire and Silvers orphans more than wholeheartedly agreed. And living with Count Olaf had been more than a mistake. It had been a disaster. It had been a catastrophe. And the worst of it was that the villainous Count Olaf was still at large, a phrase which here means that the authorities had not caught him and would not catch him for a very long time.
