It Started With Us

to try again

She sat next to her desk, tears streaming down her face. She was irritated and inebriated, but she was even more disappointed with herself for failing to make her wife happy. She headed up to her room and laid on the cold floor after a few hours of losing herself a little further. The auburn-haired woman instantly dozed off, knowing that she had managed to alleviate some of the discomfort.

Danielle awoke to warmth in the morning. Kaylee was wrapped about her chest with tear marks on her cheeks when she looked beside her. With a faint sad grin, she tenderly caressed the woman's exquisite skin. Kaylee barely opened her eyes before running her finger down Danielle's toned cheeks. She got up and sat on the bed, waiting for Danielle to come after her. Kaylee shed a single tear as they sat down and took a long breath.

"Yesterday, you were drinking a lot... I know you and I went through something, but this isn't a good enough reason to get drunk. It won't help anything and it's not going to fix what happened."

"I am so sorry; I've just been holding on. I've tried you know to be strong and brave, but it's too much. Each time I look at you, sad, delicate and in a way broken, it shatters my heart. I always put on a warm smile, but that mask is broken. I wanted you to think that I was okay, so you would get better, but I am not. I am beyond broken and damaged in a way that I could never be fixed."

Kaylee could see her wife's heartbroken countenance. This mask had layers to it. The first one she saw appeared to be tired of acting, whereas the others appeared to be empty, devoid of love, happiness, and joy. The brunette simply drew the girl in and clutched her tightly. She never knew how deeply the news had upset Danielle in the midst of it all. Between them, there was remorse, fury, despair, and pure rage, but for the time being, all they could feel was safe.

Danielle pulled away from the hug and gazed deeply into her wife's eyes after an hour of being in each other's arms. She took her hand in hers and kissed it softly. That's when she sighed and closed her eyes.

"It's something we need to talk about."

As she listened, Kaylee anxiously played with Danielle's fingers. She knew that if they didn't speak, something much worse would happen, so she did.

"It was difficult for me, to tell you the truth. It was difficult for me to close my eyes without picturing them with me. When we went to the clinic together and I took my first pregnancy test, I was ecstatic. I thought we'd finally have our happy ending because it was all so fantastic and magical, but we just don't seem to catch a break, do we?" Kaylee asked, taking another big breath.

"Then I got my first ultrasound, which was incredible." The way you held my hand and whispered nice things in my ear while putting the cold substance on my still small belly. Until we had that accident, it was the best thing in the world. I should've been more cautious, and I should've double-checked my route, but I didn't..." In between sobbing, Kaylee added, "It all happened so fast."

"Kaylee, it's not your fault. I should've been there for you, holding your hand. I vowed I'd always protect you, but I didn't keep my word." Danielle sobbed and covered her face as she whispered, "I failed you."

"Danielle Rose Russell, don't you dare. This isn't your fault, so don't hide your face from me." Kaylee grabbed the girl's face and said, "I promise you, it's not."

They both felt something fresh as they cried. Comfort, something they hadn't felt in a long time. Danielle clasped Kaylee's hand as the warmth calmed them, smiling yet allowing tears to stream. Then she whispered her feelings to her while holding her close.

"We've been through a lot. Everything imaginable and impossible has occurred in an attempt to keep us apart, and here we are. I'm still broken as ever, but I've had an idea... What if it's simply not in our cards?"