Winter's Soulmate | Winter Soldier ✔

Chapter Eighteen

His eyes bore into mine, that look twisting my poor heart, "I think that last time, in England, they gave you something stronger. You remembered me but not my name. That was new too."

He delicately lifted his hand, and my eyes fluttered closed as he rested it against my cheek. I could hear him breathing, the gentle rhythm guiding my heart beat as his breath slightly fanned my face.

I thought he was going to kiss me.

But his forehead dropped to mine, resting there as he fought the internal battle that was making him feel this pain.

I peeled my eyes open, seeing his face twisted into an anxious expression. I was about to speak when a single tear dripped from his cheek onto mine.

He pulled back quickly, looking more shocked than upset as he stared at the tear on my cheek. My stomach churned with the familiar rising of my own tears as his eyes, wide with wonder, inspected my face.

He carefully placed his fingers on my jaw, tilting my head to the side, before placing a single fingertip to the tear.

He gulped again, before brushing his face. No other tears had fallen from his eyes, but he began scrubbing his cheeks.

And then rubbing his skin harder, turning it red and sore beneath his fingers.

I grabbed his wrist, trying to do so gently but with force as I guided his hand to rest on my leg. "Winter, look at me," his eyes widened as they met mine, and I realised a little too late that my face would reflect his. "Winter, if you keep doing that you'll hurt yourself."

"But," he began hyperventilating, choking on his breath as his hand tightened around my leg.

Wow, his grip was strong.

I held onto his arm and shoulder, trying to exaggerate my breaths to make him copy me. "Winter-"

"I can't... I'm not allowed to - I have never... not since..." he wasn't making any clear sense, his painful breaths coming quicker as his eyes flicked around the room, desperately searching for something before he squeezed them shut.

I held him, lifting his hand so it wrapped around my waist instead of my leg, and cradled his head in the crook of my neck. I stroked his back, trying to send him soothing noises, slow breathing as he struggled to regain his composure.

I had never seen him this bad, not even when he had had the panic attack after confronting Steve a few days ago.

I put more pressure into my palm as I ran it down his back, knowing that the extra squeeze might help him remember he is still here, safe, with me.

He fell silent, his breaths steadily slowing down. When he sat back up he didn't look at me, just kept his eyes fixed on the laptop beside me. "Sorry," he muttered, the single word shattering my heart.

I shook my head softly, and as he had drawn his hand to his lap, I patted his knee, "you don't need to apologise. Do you want a minute before I get the computer?"

He shook his head, but didn't look up. I waited a moment, before lifting the laptop back onto my legs, opening a website up so I could find clothes for me first. I figured if he saw me choosing clothes it might make it easier for him to ask for some of his own.

I knew he was uncomfortable wearing Steve's clothes. They didn't fit him - his chest and arms were a lot bigger than his, and they looked too tight. So were the trousers, but he hadn't complained once.

He humoured me by wearing the slippers too, although now only in the privacy of our room.

I quickly selected underwear and a handful of plain tops, leggings and jumpers, before tilting the screen further so Winter could see better.