Holy shit Ch.5

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~Another fucking time for 4 years~
Warning... Naruto switched from cutie pie to asshole. Well in my eyes it's not so bad, he just curses a lot more.

Naruto's pov

Tell me why there is a rumor going that my husband is fucking lip-locking with Haruno.
What the actual fuck. I have yet to see this supposed picture, I'm already livid.
Kiba said he didn't want to tell me because it would ruin what I and Sasuke have. Neji said he doesn't think Sasuke would do something like that to me. This is weird considering Neji hates his fucking guts.

Lee told me... I don't take what Lee says to heart. He is way too ready to throw hands. Ino said that she doesn't put it behind Sakura to do something like that. Ino and Sakura used to be best friends before Lin came to school.

We all used to be cool and pop! Sakura fucking changes.
I can't even listen to Kurama, because his solution to everything is to kill them.

I told him that and Sasuke wanted to try having safe sex and he was like fuck no kill him.
Even though I'm the one that suggested it because I've been having heats since they turned 14 (He's 16 now).
So I don't want to ask his opinion right now.

And what's pissing me off right now is that I can't find Sasuke or Sakura to ask.
It's like they fucking disappeared.
Fuck it I'ma call him.
The phone is ringing. Ringing. Ringing. He answers.

"Hey, baby-"
"Don't hey baby me. Where the actual fuck are you?"
"Baby, you know that mother let me take a mental health day today."
"Sasuke."
"Yes, baby."

"I'm going to straight-up ask you this question." I sigh.
Sasuke stifles a laugh.
"Baby you can't do anything straight, you're gay."
"Sasuke I swear to Kami, not right now."
"Shit, what did I do now?"

"Did you fucking kiss sakura?"
"..................."
"Sasuke?"
"..................."
"Sasuke?"
This bitch starts cackling.
"Are you high, baby?"
This asshole is laughing.
*Thud*

DID HE JUST FALL OFF OF HIS BED?

"Holy fuck, I need to stop leaving you by yourself. Baby. Honey. Love of my life. Do you think I would kiss the sidewalk chewing gum?"
"I mean you tell me, people are saying you were sucking each other's face off."

"Okay one, that's fucking disgusting. And baby are you serious, Sakura? I have a better chance of getting a nipple piercing."

He fucking hates nipple piercings. I find it so funny.

"So you didn't kiss her?"
"No, I'm too busy trying to make my wife happy."
"Sasuke, I'm not a girl, I have a dick."
"I am well aware of that baby boy."
"You are such a perv."
"Me? Weren't you just touching yourself on-call y-"
"OI SHUT THE FUCK UP. IMA BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU."
"You love me too much Naru-chan."
"I can't stand you."
"But weren't you moaning my name on call t-"
"UCHIHA SASUKE."

"I don't know why you're so surprised that I'm blunt."
"Oi, shut up."
"Love you too baby."

"Wait, so who's spreading that rumor then?"
"........"
"Sasuke?"
"............"
"Sasuke?"
"How the absolute fuck am I supposed to know."

"Excuse me, Uchiha bastard?"

"I'm sorry, how the absolute fuck am I supposed to know, my honey boo bear."

"I swear I'm going to slap the absolute shit out of you."
"Don't be mad because I'm right, sweet cheeks."
"Ew. That one was cringy."
"So now you don't want to enslave me?"

"Sasuke. What the hell are you going on about?"
"Never mind, it's not like you would get it dobe.

"I'm going to ignore you."
Sasuke laughs through the phone.
"Yeah right."

"Oh really, hop off my line. I might as well go to Garra's and sleepover."

"Don't test me dobe, you know I don't like Garra."

But Garra likes me and my double-stuffed ass is what I said. Oh, how mistakes were made. He got so quiet on the line. I didn't hear anything.

"Sas-"
I heard a car start up before the phone hung up.
Damn. I need to find Itachi. He'll hide me.

Author's pov

Naruto took off. The school was huge and sasuke would be here in a good five minutes. Itachi was an assistant art teacher at the school, while he took college courses and modeled. Room 425. On the second floor in the back. He was running through people, trying to make his way to Itachi. He was so close to the door. His fingertips grazed the handle before he flew.

(Sorry, I am currently envisioning that nio clip where he ran off the roof and hit the giant rubbish bin.)

Flew, indeed. Flew right onto someone's shoulder. And he soon finds himself in one of the male bathrooms, with the door locked.

Naruto's POV

"So you thought you could get away?"

"That'll make your pussy throb."
Kurama, shut the hell up.
"No, you wack ass hoe."

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⏰ Última atualização: Oct 27, 2022 ⏰

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