Being Selfish (Arrowverse - Olivarry)

Being Selfish

[[Notes: Originally posted by me on AO3 and Fanfiction.net on 2019-01-05 Edited for Wattpad on December 9th, 2021. Originally Beta read by TigStripe on AO3]]

Oliver looked at his bare back in the mirror. He was astonished at how fast his wounds had healed, though he wasn't sure why. He had seen Barry heal before. He supposed he wasn't adjusted to his new powers yet. It was hard for him to imagine that just six hours ago, Barry had shot him in the back. Now his skin was smooth, not even scars remained.

The evening following, though, came the pain. The day had been dark and Oliver could sense an oncoming storm. He felt the dull ache in his back where the arrows had been and admittedly, did feel a little bad for having done the same to Barry all those years ago. He wondered if Barry still lived with the ache, though he'd dealt with worse it was still something to think about. He wondered how Barry was being so silent about his own aches and pains, but he pushed that thought aside.

Oliver still justified shooting Barry in the back. He'd been too cocky, he'd known he was signing on for a training session with the Arrow, but he also didn't really want to hurt Barry. Not long term. He was still impulsive about some things, but calculated about others. He turned over in the bed. Barry laid on his stomach, facing away from Oliver. If the situation had been different, he would have been banished to the sofa, maybe. Whether or not Barry would actually stay on the sofa was another matter entirely.

He hadn't talked to Barry most of the night, not because he was still mad, but because there wasn't a lot to say. They were in a bad situation. They weren't about to let this come too far between them, especially not at a time like this. He knew Barry was awake by the way he breathed. He did another partial roll and pressed his lips to Barry's back.

"I thought you were mad at me." The smirk on Barry's face was audible.

It made Oliver want to roll his eyes, instead he just moved and pressed another soft kiss to the skin of his back. "It hurts still, right? You've got my pain, too."

"It's just kind of a dull ache." Barry shrugged. "Nothing I can't tolerate."

Oliver's hands joined his lips, gently kneading the former-speedsters muscles with his thumbs.

Barry signed and his eyes fell closed. "This feels amazing and all, but weren't you just on me about conserving energy and going to sleep?"

Oliver's lips followed his hands, mostly soft, closed-mouthed kisses covering the former-speedsters skin wherever they could manage to find perch. "If you want us to go to sleep, then–"

"No," he cut him off. "I haven't seen you in–"

"Forty-five days," Oliver murmured against his skin, and he'd felt them. Barry's warmth called to him, and not just the physical warmth.

"Yeah, and now we're doing the yearly team up to save the planet."

"Mmmhmm," Oliver hummed. "I know being selfish has cost me in the past but ... I want to now."

"I don't really feel like having end of the world sex." Barry laughed when he said it, but it was forced. He didn't want to think about the world ending. He wanted to have his last few minutes before sleep focused on Oliver's warmth behind him.

Oliver moved his kisses up his back and to his shoulder. "I never said I wanted to have sex, but I want to stay awake with you, just for a little bit."

Barry was the one who turned over now. His eyes fell on Oliver, who he could tell was tired from the rapid healing, he knew the feeling well. "Tomorrow I'll help you with breakfast so you eat enough," his hand came up to cup Oliver's face.

Their foreheads connected. Oliver's eyes closed at the contact. His own hand went to Barry's cheek. He opened his eyes again and they locked with Barry's. They almost didn't need words anymore. Oliver's thumb gently swiped across Barry's cheek bone. He wanted to memorize how Barry felt under his touch. Something was looming over them and he wanted to ignore it for just five minutes.

Barry gave Oliver a look. It was just a slight change in his eyes but Oliver knew what he meant. What are you thinking? Are you okay?

In response he gave a firm nod. I'm okay.

Even in silence, Oliver could imagine how what Barry would be saying if he opened his mouth. Being able to communicate in silence, Oliver wondered if it was his gift to read it, or Barry's to project it. Maybe it came from how much he let Barry in, The light of his life that made him a better man every day. More importantly, made him want to be a better. Barry even made the road to getting there just a little easier. Every time he fell down, he had someone who believed he could be his best self.

"Bartholomew–"

Barry scrunched up his face at his full name. "Am I in trouble?"

"I love you." Oliver's voice was level.

Barry closed his eyes slightly, smiling a bit. "I love you too, Ollie."

"When this is all over, I think I want to be selfish again."

"Oh?" he hummed and pressed his lips against Oliver's in a soft kiss.

Oliver returned the kiss briefly. "I think we've been a little too serious to still be calling each other boyfriends. Sounds a little too casual for us."

"Well, what else– oh ," Barry searched Oliver's face for his emotions but couldn't find any.

"Normally I would have set up something. Made you dinner, maybe I would have done something corny like put a ring in a wine flute or a cupcake but," he laughed softly. "You would probably swallow it and–" he paused for a moment.

"I would have," he laughed.

"I also don't know if I'll even get to do that, so here we are."

"Well, yeah," his fingers traced lazy circles over his arms.

"What do you want, Barry? When this is over." Oliver gently turned Barry's chin his with a light touch so he could meet his eyes again.

Barry's hands slowly trailed up his arm again and came to cup his cheek gently. "I want us to start a life."

"We have a life."

"I want to wake up with you, and cook breakfast with you and William, maybe a dog?" he smiled hopefully.

"We'll each get a dog," Oliver smiled fondly.

"I really took you for a cat person," he laughed weakly and moved a little closer to Oliver, tangling their legs together. "Man, do you always feel like this?"

"Tension? Always ready to act?"

"Yes," Barry nodded and nosed himself up against Oliver's neck.

"I thought it was strictly mental," Oliver admitted. "Guess it's muscle memory too." He started to move so he was lying flat and gestured for Barry to come. "here, lay on my chest."

Barry moved and laid his head on Oliver's chest, he could hear the soft humming of the Speed Force deep within Oliver's chest and a certain calm set in when he felt gentle touches on his back and arm. "I feel calmer."

"Good."

"Is this why you like laying on me more lately?" he pressed, remembering Oliver's new favourite napping spot.

A gentle squeeze was all Barry got, and all he needed, really. Yes. He was glad he could give Oliver a certain security he struggled for. His eyes finally started to droop.

"When we make it out, you owe me two dogs and a ring."

"I promise, Barr." A kiss was lost in Barry's hair, his hand slowly moving to take his hand in his.

"I'm going to hold you to it." Barry insisted, his eyes barely open.

"I know you will," and Oliver felt as Barry drifted off before falling asleep himself, just a little more ready to face the next day.