Arabella

aren't collarbones attractive ?

you know how every girl in the movies has that one pretty friend ? or vice versa.... yea yea you get the fucking point. that friend that you wish you were, naturally beautiful and well girly. all the boys liked her, she was effortless or so you'd think. oh to be that girl, who gets her nails done and goes shopping for cute clothes at the mall. the one who takes pictures of herself so much when she goes out especially with her girlfriends, that girl who has boys in her unread messages talking to themselves. she's sweet, she smells good, has scattered makeup all over her dresser. i wish to be that girl. geez, i wish to even have that one day experience i could fantasize about it all day.

i met Luna in the sixth grade, she was such an "IT" girl in middle school i guess you could say. she is so pretty. she didn't wear makeup, well it didn't look like she did. as i got to know her more in the 7th grade i learned more about makeup and "natural" looks. Luna never wore her hair up, she never not had mascara on, her lipgloss, she applied it atleast 100 times a day. By the 8th grade, Luna had already dated about every boy in our grade and so she went on to dating a grade lower.

I've never worn my hair down, i think that's only for pretty girls if that makes sense ? all the pretty girls always had their hair down, like Luna. So i stuck with the ponytail since like 1st grade.

"Dude you think Travis will be there?" I look up at Luna who's blending in her one coat of foundation. She turns to look at me and sighs, "We did like seven minutes in heaven or whatever last Saturday at Julian's crib and he like fingered me or whatever so do you like think he'd ignore me? like if he's at the assembly." 

i try to be chill about everything she just said like if i wasn't such a virgin.

"he... he fingered you?" i cringed.

"yea"

"like, his fingers went inside your umm.."

"yes Bella, in my fucking pussy the fuck?" Luna gets up and starts rummaging through her drawer looking for a lip liner i assume. "have you like never been fingered before ?" she giggled.

shifting uncomfortably, i sat up from her bed and tugged down my shirt from my stomach. "yea" no, what the fuck.

i'm 15 and i've never even kissed anyone, i don't think anyone has ever even had a crush on me without it being a dare. the most romance i've had going on for me was back when i was 6 and my mom had her boss's son be the "prince" to my princess themed party. i mean i have had online flings or whatever but i don't think that counts.

"oh really?" she smirks while looking at me through the mirror, "please do tell"

i begin to think about the countless 5sos fan fiction i've read in 7th grade and the "imagines" i had to wait weeks for to just get another chapter. "it was at a party." i said.

Lunas eyes shot open, turning to look at me she gasps dramatically "who's ?" i cough.

"not here , it was at , at new york. family party."  my fucking ass. she knows i'm lying by the looks of it , i can see it in her face. the smile she's trying to hide, while she raises her eyebrows in a surprised manner.

"right." she says before smiling sweetly and begins to talk about her and travis and the fingering. ew. Luna has this sweet smile she wins everyone over with, after being her best friend for about 3 years you begin to see through it.

Before taking her selfie,  she pushes up her boobs once more and leans her shoulders in forward making her clavicle area more visible. Snapping the picture, she relieves her shoulders and takes a deep breath. "Collarbones are attractive." she says.

i give her an odd look as she proceeds to go on saying, "Guys like, i don't know collarbones. they're like hot and shìt" she shrugged.

after leaving Luna's house, i came home to an empty house. walking into the kitchen, i open the fridge and grab the left over lasagna. my moms usually never home, she's either working or with her boyfriend. i'm guessing my sister was with her since she wasn't home either. i loved being home alone, it was quiet. i begin to look for a movie i haven't watched, and heat up more lasagna.

While brushing my teeth, i look down to my chest. My collarbones weren't visible, not even if i sucked in all the air and leaned forward. They just weren't there. I shrugged then turned the faucet off.