Sorrow In Her Scars

Chapter 27- Azrael

Everything hurt. My body ached. My wound burned. My bones felt sore. My throat felt raw and my chest hurt to the point where it felt like I couldn't breathe but I do nothing but stare at the blank ceiling above me as everything comes back to me.

I blink once. Twice. Three times before the first tear falls and then I'm curling into myself, sobbing despite my wound. Everything hurt. My mother stabbed me. I could've died. Rico would've been all alone. I promised him, I'd never leave him. I swore that nothing could ever come between me and him.

It all hits me at once as I hiccup into my pillow. I thought I could convince myself not to care, that it didn't matter but I can't. Not anymore. It'll always hurt knowing that my mom hates me. That my mother couldn't find it in herself to love me. It'll always hurt when I think about all the damage she's done to my body.

Every hit. Every word. Every shout. Every whisper. Every scar. Every bruise. It'll all hurt when I think about it. It'll always remind me of how much she couldn't stand my existence.

I scream into my pillow at every emotion and memory that hits me. My body shakes with sobs that rack through my body. My breathing get heavy and painful when I think about all the time I begged her to stop. I begged and pleaded with her and she didn't care. I prayed that one day she'd change and she didn't. Not because she couldn't but because she didn't want too. She didn't want to stop drinking or getting high if it meant taking care of us.

A warmer and smaller body hovers over me and when I look up, I met with my little brother. His eyes are blood shot red as his lips tremble fearfully, "You're okay." He whispers to me, almost as if he's trying to convince himself.

I barely nod before he throws himself onto me, breaking down into the crook of my neck. "Why would you d-do that?" He stutters, "You promised me, you wouldn't put yourself in danger." He cries, "If you died, I would've b-been all alone." His body shakes and I realize he's holding onto me because he's scared to let go.

"I'm sorry." I apologize, "I'm so sorry." I keep repeating, "I'm sorry for everything. I wish I was a better sister. I wish you had a b-better mom and I wish you grew up in happy home." I cry, "I'm sorry that you had to be stuck with me, Rico. I'm so sorry." I grip him tight as I continue, "I d-don't know why I went back. I think I was holding onto hope that maybe she could change." I rasp, breathing in his scent as he cries.

"Did she?" He whimpers.

I shake my head, "She still hates us."

He pulls back to get a good look at me, "You're the best sister, A." He tells me, grabbing onto my pinky so he can wrap his around mine, "And you really scared me." He other hand comes up to wipe my tears, "I did grow up happy. Having you as my big sister makes me happy. You take care of me. You feed me. You do my hair and play with me. You celebrate my birthdays..." And then he pauses, sniffling when he realizes something, "What if...what if you did die? Huh? I would be celebrating my birthday alone." His face twists with pain as he says it.