If I Can't Have Senpai

Chapter 35

"You need me, Ayano..."Budo suddenly says, his eyes stared at wet the ground. "And I need you too, I can't bare the thought of ever leaving your side...so please...look at me...!"

Ayano's heart beat began to pick up, she took a step back. 

"If I was actually a monster, if Satoru was right, would you still be holding my hand like this..." Ayano whispers as she felt the urge to cry. She already knew what she was, the problem was the person she loved didn't know it.

Budo was silent as if he was contemplating the answer. Ayano waited for his hands to slip away from hers or at the most, brush away the subject. But to Ayano's confusion, he never did.

"It wouldn't matter to me." Budo suddenly says making Ayano's charcoal eyes widen in surprise. He continued to speak. "I...I just want you to be by my side." He finished before gazing back up at her.

Her heart started to hammer against her chest and she could feel it thump against her hand. She took another step back closer to the door now.

"I truly understand now..." She says and lifts her head with a smile. A refreshing cold wind washed over the room and her midnight hair and the white bandana began to sway. "I had never loved you...I just loved the fantasy of falling for someone...to be in a happy, perfect relationship."

The fantasies her mother filled her head when she was younger and naive, the fantasy of finding the 'one' in order to cure her back when she felt dull and emotionless. When in reality she only needed the love from her love-sick mother and her terrified father. When she met Taro her mind and heart flock to him like flies on meat. That sick obsession of maintaining that fantasy and eliminating anyone who would approach it or ruin it. It wasn't love. It never had been.

Despite all that she went through these last few months she was able to experience real love, love from a friend like Saki Miyu, Oka Ruta and Osoro Shidesu, love from a father figure like Mr.Sakimoto, and most of all safe and comforting love from him. All of it had been pure and given to her not taken nor tainted.

"I wish you...a happy and carefree life." Ayano says one last time to Taro Yamada and with all her heart she bows to him as another wave of cherry blossom petals swayed with the wind. She leaves the room and closes the door behind her feeling like those pink petals, moving on to somewhere new.

*********

It was cool when Ayano stepped outside from the hospital, the vibrant sun was still shining that Ayano had to shield her eyes from the blinding rays. It was late afternoon and soon night would be upon her. She carefully made her way from the hospital, past the cherry blossoms trees and across the road.

She contemplated going home to put on fresh clothes but she didn't want to waste anymore time. After the rescue she could go back and quickly pack her things and leave. She was sure her parents wouldn't mind. In fact, she was sure her mother would be all about moving to the city and romanticizing it and once her mother was set on something her father would be forced to go along with it.  

She would miss this town and her memories here and once she left she was sure she would have another mental break down, with crying fits and screaming. She pushed the thoughts aside and ventured down the town where it was buzzing with people shopping and eating delicious fried foods and sweets. Her and Budo walked down this town together so many times before, she would miss it all... especially...

Ayano briefly stops by Mr.Sakimoto's restaurant, yellow tape had been placed around it to prevent people from getting too close. It had been reduced to ashes, debris and charred wood scattered around the plot. She stared at it for a moment, her once comforting second home had parish before her very eyes that night. This was the place where her and the Martial Arts Leader's relationship began to truly form, it was the place he had taken her when she needed stitches. It was unfortunate that it would never be restored, maybe someone would buy the land and build something new. After all....nothing lasts forever Ayano bitterly reminded herself.