Spongebob Squarepants Gets Fucking Extinguished

Chapter 1: There's Literally Only One Chapter

[voice recorder starts recording]

     "Hello, Mister Star—is it okay if we call you Patrick?"

    "Hey, as long as you don't call me Rick, it's fine! Haha."

     "Alright...So, Patrick, how has your day been so far? Rough, I imagine."

     "Why would it have been that. Rough. "

     "We have evidence that places you at the scene, Patrick."

     "You have nothing."

     "The sand in his throat matches the one surrounding your house. We took the samples. All we want to know is why you did it."

     "You have nothing. I did nothing."

     "Upon entering your house we saw a noticeable chunk of rock missing. The victim had several wounds and dent marks around the head and neck area. Why, Mister Star."

     [Mister Star — Patrick starts noticeably breathing harder. My partner lays his hand on his harpoon for good measure. Starfish are naturally born aggressive.]

     "We only want to know why you did it."

     "I did nothing."

     "You were his neighbour and according to your file, he was your best friend."

     "Who told you."

     "That's confidential information."

     "It was Squidward, wasn't it?"

     "That's information we can't share, Mister Star."

     "Tentacles ran his mouth, didn't he? He did it. Tell me."

     "Answer the question, Rick."

     [Silence. My partner and I share hesitant glances. This lasts for twenty seconds.]

     [Mister Star — Patrick starts sobbing.]

     "I — I just wanted to sleep. He kept running around and around and around yelling how he was ready. I wasn't ready. I wanted to sleep. Please. Please, I just wanted my sleep."

     "Do you confess to committing the murder of Spongbob Squarepants."

     "It... It was an accident."

     [Mister Star — confesser of assault, successful manslaughter — Patrick starts sobbing louder. He keeps mumbling something unclear that the recorder can't pick up. It will be reviewed later in preparation of the trial. If there will be one.]

     "I... I only threw one rock. I was frustrated and wanted the yelling and the running around and around to stop and the rock... it hit him. It was an accident, I swear."

     "There were several more wounds inflicted upon the throat area. You beat him to death. You poured sand down his throat."

     [Mister Star — confesser of assault, successful manslaughter — Patrick stares out in front of him. The silence lasts longer than twenty seconds.]

     "The yelling, officer. The yelling. It was so, so loud. Too loud. I couldn't take it. You have to believe me. Please."

     "We believe you."

     "Do you?"

     "Yes."

     [More silence.]